Me and the Doods.com

After my post a few weeks ago, friends said how much it had helped them to have some of their feelings put into words. They inspired me to reach out again. There’s comfort in sharing when we’re all having such difficult experiences. I’ve lost count of how many people have told me that they can’t watch the news.

Something else drew me to the computer. On March 3rd, my brother Stan would have turned 76. Although, sadly, he passed away from cancer more than 25 years ago, he lives on in my heart. I can still hear his laughter.

Funny, gregarious, kind, he drew people to him. Even though he was a television news director, and covered all sorts of stories like the fires, I think he would have been shocked at the recent tragedies.

Fortunately, the Doods have been helping to navigate the craziness. Without saying a word, they offer a sense of well being and they inspire people to connect, even in unexpected situations.

For instance, my brother’s namesake Stanley brought some love to a woman in the waiting room at the vet’s office. We were there because Stanley had lost a dew claw and had to be seen.

ELBEE He should have gotten acrylics.

The woman was sitting by herself with her head down. Suddenly Stanley began leaning against her. With tears in her eyes, she told me how much he had helped her. She had just had to put down her adored eighteen year old Chihuahua. She said that if Stanley hadn’t put his head in her lap she would have totally lost it. We hugged when it was time for her to leave.

Neighborhood walks with the dogs have led to some unusually deep conversations. I met a cute, casually dressed young woman whom I learned was married to an orthodox rabbi. When we began to talk about family, we were surprised to find out that both of our father’s had died of brain cancer.

The next day, when I was out with Stanley and Henry, a man in his driveway came over to say hello. We both lamented that the mountains were still closed. And what are the chances that he was a doctor who studied brain injuries at USC. Ironically, his father had passed from brain cancer too.

ELBEE The man also realized that he may have gone to high school with her daughters so he’s obviously a lot younger than she is.

The national guard members, keeping people out of certain areas in the mountains after the fires, have benefited from dog therapy. We’ve gotten to know a few of the regulars. Last time we walked up a street where they were posted, not only did they greet us warmly, but they asked to take photos with the dogs.

It was a brief timeout from stress. I hope this post is too.

 

 

With the wildfires raging in Southern California, and the general chaos in the world, writing has been almost impossible for me. As time goes by and I find out how many people I know have lost their homes, it has become even more personal and more difficult to know what to say or do.

 

 

 

 

 

Supportive friends suggested that I simply put down what I was feeling.  It would be a way to connect with people, something we desperately need to do right now. This morning I got another sign. My packet of Truvia said,  “Empathy Empowers.”

ELBEE Yes, she’s till getting inspiration from artificial sweeteners

I realized that if I could reach out to offer a bit of empathy or to share the kindness I’ve witnessed, then that’s what I needed to do. For me and so many others, human connection is one of the best ways to relieve anxiety.

The mountains, my happy place, are another way that I cope. I know I shouldn’t complain with all of the devastation, but I have been going through hiking withdrawal. Understandably, most of the popular trails have been closed since the fires began. Not only are there signs announcing that the areas are off limits until further notice, the National Guard has been positioned on many local streets to keep people from heading up there.

 

 

 

 

 

Walking Stanley and Henry, I have chatted with some of the men and women who, by the way, are not allowed to leave their posts during their 12 hour shifts. They have all been so kind and appreciative of the dog therapy too.

Most of them have come in from other areas like San Diego and are not familiar with the local mountains. Of course, I can’t help myself, and tell them all about our local trails, the beauty, the serenity, the ocean views.

A few days ago, to my surprise, one of the guardsman, said it would be okay if I wanted to go up a short trail to dirt Mulholland. It was as if he sensed my need. He added that at the top, I could only go to the right. I would have been grateful even if I had to stand in one place.

I was overwhelmed just being up there. As I walked for a few minutes, I was overcome with emotion. I wasn’t in an area that had been burned but it was browned out from the clearance and the work that had been done to contain the fires. It was also muddy from the rain. The enormity of it really struck me.

This photo with Henry was taken a week or so before the fires when we had no idea of what was to come. It was just a perfect Sunday for hiking. I was happy to be up there but I will never again take the privilege of being in the mountains for granted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Having made the mistakes of going to the market on New Year’s Eve day (not a lot of cheerful shoppers), and watching the news, I thought we could all use some positivity. Some of the best holiday presents have been courtesy of the Doods.  There were random, funny moments and others that touched my heart. They weren’t gift wrapped, but they were special.

ELBEE You try gift wrapping with paws.

My nine year old “art director” grandson Ryder, who was responsible for the Thanksgiving photo on the left, insisted on one for Christmas the next morning. Again it was chaotic but joyful. Not sure why he decided to include me.

ELBEE Me neither

 

 

 

 

 

 

On a special note, the stocking on the fireplace has a photo of Charley, my very first therapy dog. I used to wear it on my belt when we went into UCLA for Christmas. Almost impossible to believe that the journey began in 2006.

I was walking on busy Ventura Boulevard with Stanley and Henry when a passing car slowed down and the driver rolled down the window. He called out, “Those are the best looking dogs in Tarzana and Encino.” The next day a passenger in a car pointed at the dogs and began applauding. Both encounters  made me grin. I haven’t gotten applause since my bodybuilding days!

ELBEE And that’s ancient history.

One of the most wonderful gifts was a visit that Henry did with a six year old boy and his mom at Tarzana Hospital. Sitting up in his bed, the boys eyes widened as we stepped into the room. His first question was “Will he bite?” I told him that Henry was very gentle and even had to take a test so that he could come to see him. With the hint of a smile he, he asked “Are you sure?”

Then he had me come closer. When I put on some of Henry’s Christmas accessories and had him wave and play peek-a-boo, the patient started laughing and petting him. To my surprise, he wanted great big Henry on his bed. As Henry cuddled next to him, I assured him it was okay to give him a hug and that’s just what he did.

The best part of all may have been the reaction of the boy’s mom. She was taking photos and sharing the visit with family on her phone. Then, with tears in her eyes, she quietly told me how grateful she was that we were there. Her son had been in pain and so unhappy before we came in. She couldn’t believe what had transpired.

Instead of making New Year’s resolutions, which I would probably break anyways, I want to express my gratitude to the Doods for all of the miracles they have shown me and for all of the love and positivity they have brought into my life and so many others.

 

 

Since I stopped writing my weekly blog, I realize there are times I miss oversharing. Also, selfishly, I don’t want to forget special moments.

This post is a few weeks late for Thanksgiving, but do we really need one particular day to celebrate gratitude? It was inspired by my grandkids and the Doods.

ELBEE Not necessarily in that order.

Dogs truly are man and woman’s best friends. Despite knowing everything about us, they are faithful, loyal and loving without judging.

ELBEE Trust me. We judge.

As for grandchildren, they are one of the perks of having kids. They bring so much joy without all of the responsibility. They may judge me a little but will write things off to my being “crazy grandma.”

For instance, I have an unfortunate habit of laughing hysterically at inappropriate times, like funerals. During Thanksgiving dinner, 9 year old Ryder requested we go around the table and tell what we were grateful for, something we have often done in the past. Then he added that it was because he wanted to see grandma crack up. Yes, it’s one of those serious moments where I feel on the spot and lose it. Trust me, I didn’t disappoint.

Ryder used to be terrified of dogs even though he’d never had a negative interaction. A year or so ago, Henry with his soulful eyes and gentle demeanor, somehow reached him. On the back of Henry’s UCLA trading card, his greatest accomplishment is listed as “Helping Ellen’s grandson overcome his fear of dogs.”

 

 

 

 

 

Ryder has gone from overcoming his fear to really being comfortable with the dogs. On Thanksgiving he decided that he wanted a holiday picture with them. His sister Bella, a very willing participant, was included. Knowing my stash of dog accessories, he couldn’t wait to dress up, or should I say decorate, everyone. He actually was the “art director” for the photo that motivated this post.

It touched my heart to watch Ryder, who used to run away from the dogs or scream when they came too close, picking out headbands and glasses for each of them. It was such chaotic delight.

I also have to give kudos to Stanley, Gus and Henry for their patience. It may be the magic of their therapy dog energy that made it all possible.

 

 

 

Yesterday, after picking up Gus, Stanley and Henry from their wonderful groomer Jen, I headed to the gas station. They looked beautiful after their baths, big and fluffy. Gus was in his special spot in the front seat. Stanley and Henry in the back. It was a perfect day so I had the windows and sunroof open.

As I was trying to pull into the station, a car, halfway out, was blocking the driveway. I was starting to get really annoyed.

ELBEE Annoyed? Is that what she calls it?

Then I noticed that the driver, a bald man, probably around 60, was looking over and making a heart sign with his hands. He began smiling and gesturing toward the dogs. Then, laughing, he pointed to my hair and his own hairless head. It was such an unexpected, fun moment.

I took these photos when we got home to show his point of view.

 

 

 

 

 

I felt moved to share this simple story because I think we all need some positivity right now. There is so much stress and dissension in the world, that this fleeting encounter was a welcome time out for me and I hope it will be for you too.

 

 

Although I made a New Year’s resolution to stop writing my blog and work on a book, resolutions are made to be broken. Book writing is very solitary so I missed sharing with friends. I also missed bragging about the dogs.

ELBEE Some would say oversharing and it’s not only the dogs she brags about.

Okay, Elbee may be right. I’m kind of bragging about myself. I’m also trying to inspire some of my fellow seniors and maybe a few juniors too with this very belated birthday post.

Lately, when I talk to my fellow SENIORS, we all agree that this aging thing sucks. By the way, if 65 sounds young to you, you’re a SENIOR. Also if someone tries to make you feel better by saying, “consider the alternative,” you’re also in this group.

Several years ago I began the tradition of climbing the “butt burner” to celebrate my birthday. The name is self-explanatory. It’s a very steep, challenging local trail. It was not the brightest idea since my big day is in July, one of the hottest months of the year.

ELBEE She should be in a senior cooling center instead of traipsing around the mountains.

After a few “butt burners” in the summer heat, I came to my senses. I began a new tradition, a solo birthday hike from the valley to the sea. It’s around 9 miles, and ends up on the cooler, breezier side of the mountains.

This year I used excellent judgment. Instead of going on my actual birthday, I waited until the 110 degree heat wave broke. Unfortunately, it’s back.

On another positive note,  just when I was convinced that the unrelenting heat had fried some of my creative brain cells, being out in nature got them spinning again. As you can tell, I could even hear Elbee.

When I started out, there was an immediate sense of comfort, of freedom and of peace, things that are sometimes hard to find in today’s world. The mountains truly are my happy place.

As I walked, I took in the breathtaking views, set my own pace, had time to reflect. My brother Stanley passed in the summer over 28 years ago and I knew that he was watching over me and laughing.

This photo was taken at the Hub Junction, a well known meeting place along the beach route.

ELBEE I don’t know which is more disturbing, that she’s doing the walk alone again or still having strangers take her picture.

After around four hours, I arrived at Temescal Canyon Gateway Park. It had taken a little longer than I remembered and the weather was a bit warmer than I expected, but it was still perfect. I had such a quiet sense of accomplishment.

What surprised me was that I wasn’t as tired as I thought I would be. I couldn’t have gone line dancing but I felt pretty good.

ELBEE She doesn’t know how to line dance.

My husband Doug and my special “driver” were waiting for me at the “finish line.” Grandma had made it! And you can make it too!

 

 

 

 

ELBEE Sorry to break the mood but I have a bone to pick with this sign. No dogs? Seriously? And that takes precedence over poison oak?

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the past, I have suggested making really easy New Year’s resolutions so that you set yourself up for success. I mean, who wants to feel like a total failure when you blow them a week later.

For instance, last year, I resolved to cook less.

ELBEE I didn’t think that was possible but she did it.

 

 

Just for the heck of it, you can also make some that are totally out of reach. If you succeed you’ll feel awesome. If you don’t, it was a stretch but at least you gave it a shot.

ELBEE She considers that a win/win.

I contemplated trying to get into the Guiness Book of Records as the world’s “Strongest Granny,” figuring I wouldn’t have much competition. Actually I’m not even sure if that’s a thing. On the bright side, I’ve been lifting heavier weights at the gym.

This year I’m going in a different direction. I’m making a very challenging resolution. It’s so challenging that I’m sticking with just one. I’m finally going to write a book about my journey with the Doods.

I’ve been thinking about it for awhile and friends have been urging me to do it, but I just wasn’t sure. Then this morning I got a sign from the universe. My packet of Truvia read, “NOW IS THE RIGHT TIME. GO FOR IT.”

ELBEE I can’t believe she’s still taking inspiration from artificial sweetener.

I already have a working title and a friend who has been an integral part of the journey has offered to write the forward. Now I just have to do it. I wrote a book years ago, (“The Desperate Woman’s Guide to Fitness, the Secret to Aging Like Fine Wine Instead of Going Flat Like Stale Beer”), but have no idea how I managed to do it.

I know it will be difficult but going through the memories, starting with my first therapy dog Charley, will be a joy. I have been blessed by working with the Doods for so many years. I hope I can find the right words to really share what I have experienced. And yes, Elbee’s voice will be heard.

ELBEE Of course it will.

 

A very sincere thank you to the friends who have supported and encouraged my writing. You have kept me going. I won’t be doing a weekly blog but will post updates on social media, assuming I can figure out how to do it.

Wishing everyone a very happy, healthy new year. Let’s all resolve to share consideration, kindness, love and joy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last Monday morning, I put up a post revisiting the tragedy that took place near my home in Tarzana, including the white ribbons of hope that had been placed on every light post.

Later that morning, I went up into the mountains, my spiritual place. As I was walking, deep in thought, I suddenly saw a rainbow, a rarity in Southern California. It was far to the north and somewhat obscured by clouds, but it seemed like a sign.

It filled me with joy and reminded me that although we are dealing with so many problems in the world, in this holiday season we can find notes of hope, healing, love and joy.

ELBEE As long as she doesn’t sing those notes. That would be painful.

Speaking of notes, last week, during a visit with Stanley to a group of patients in an adult neuropsych unit at UCLA, we somehow got on the topic of singing. I am tone deaf and think it’s such a gift when someone can sing.

One young man quietly shared that he could play several instruments, including the piano. Moments later, with a bit of encouragement, he was at the small piano in the room playing Elton John’s Your Song. He finished to enthusiastic applause.

As we were leaving the units, a woman, sitting with some family members in a waiting area near the elevators, came running over to see Stanley. As she dropped to the floor hugging him, laughing and crying, she said he was just what she needed.

The presence of the dogs is so important at this time of year. Holidays can normally be stressful but being ill or having loved ones in the hospital magnifies that stress. Gus, Stanley and Henry are receiving as much love as they’re giving.

On a bright note, it was time for the Doods Christmas photo shoot. This year was even more fun because my dear friend Mary was helping out. There was only one small glitch. Henry has known Mary since he was a puppy but hasn’t seen her in months because she was back East. When she came in through the garage with me, the watchful Pyrenees part of Henry decided she was an intruder. He became very standoffish.

When he suddenly realized who she was, he couldn’t have been sweeter. He was licking her face and leaning on her, almost as if he was apologizing for his memory lapse. I immediately appointed her prop master and wardrobe consultant.

 

 

 

 

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas from me and the Doods. Let’s all reach out to each other with kindness. Let’s look for signs of hope in the universe.

 

Lately, it seems that my posts have been focused on Gus and Henry. This week, it’s Stanley’s turn. He’s been part of some very special moments.

When we walked into Tarzana Hospital recently, Stanley ready for Christmas, a security guard called out, “Hey, it’s Stan the Man.” The comment caught me off guard. That’s what people often called my late adored brother Stanley who, coincidentally, lost his battle with cancer at that same hospital many years ago. Stanley, perhaps sensing my emotion, leaned on me.

Stanley has been doing a lot of street therapy too. He’s a very calming presence. The other morning, a woman called from a distance, asking me to wait. As she and her little girl approached, she shared that she remembered what Stanley did and seriously needed some dog therapy. I could literally see her relax as he cuddled next to her while she petted him.

Walking with him by my side in a particular area of our neighborhood, I’d started noticing white bows tied to the lampposts. Initially I assumed they were for the holidays but knowing there had been an alleged triple murder in the area, I wondered if there might be more to it. I was drawn to them.

It’s no secret that Stanley loves mail carriers. He stops in his tracks and almost cries until I take him over to visit. Yesterday, one carrier, whom we know well, pulled over to chat. While Stanley was trying to climb into his truck, I asked if he knew anything about the while bows. Sadly, it was what I suspected.

Sorry to go down this dark path but it really touched me. The family who passed was on his regular route. He said that that the three victims, the wife of the accused and her parents were always warm and friendly, waving to him. The three little boys would run up and ask for the mail. The man who is accused never spoke to him.

A neighbor, who was only an acquaintance, really wanted to do something positive. She shared with the mail carrier that she began putting up the white bows as a sign of hope. Every night she lights a candle for the victims.

Her response to the tragedy moved me so deeply. How important, even in the darkest times, to reach out with a message of hope, healing and remembrance. Once again, Stanley, sensing my emotions, leaned on me to offer comfort.

As we were leaving the area, I noticed this bow next to what appeared to be a tiny dollhouse. I looked inside and saw a candle.

 

 

Thanks to the Doods, I’ve had a very busy social life lately.

ELBEE On her own, she’d be kind of a wallflower.

Recently, Resnick, the neuropsych institute at UCLA, held its annual wellness festival. It’s a very upbeat event with lunch, sometimes karaoke, games and an award ceremony, with surprisingly short, touching acceptance speeches. The dogs were invited as featured guests, so I got to go along.

Stanley and Gus have attended before but this year I brought Henry.  I’m not sure why, but Henry hasn’t done much in the way of hospital room visits yet. He’s more of a special events kind of guy. Gus is his wingman.

Before heading up to the party, we stopped in the People Animal Connection office to pick up Jen the director. To put it mildly, the office is on the small side.ELBEE We affectionately refer to it as the closet.

As soon as Gus and Henry stepped into the party, it was as if the sun came out.

ELBEE Well, it was outside.

I love how the mood brightened when people saw the dogs. They started smiling and nudging each other. Doctors, nurses, therapists, greeters, it seemed like everyone came over for some dog therapy.

I’ve been going to Resnick for years, so a lot of the staff have known the Doods, some as far back as Charley. This was their first meeting with Henry which made it even more special.

Speaking of special, Noel, who works in the NPI, and I have become good buddies and have developed our own special ritual. Somehow Noel found out about my bodybuilding past.

ELBEE Is there anyone who hasn’t heard about it?

As someone who works out, it inspired him,   especially since I’m a senior. He jokingly began calling me Ms.Venice Beach. I told him it was “Grandma” Venice Beach. Then one day, not sure how it happened, we challenged each other to do pushups, agreeing on twenty.

There we were in a hospital corridor doing pushups. And yes, there we were at the wellness festival doing pushups. Strangely, no one seems to react and this is about our fifth time. Well, my daughters did say it was “horrifying” when I told them about it. I say, long live the tradition.

 ELBEE Oy! She can’t help herself.

Seriously, I owe a debt of gratitude to Noel and all of the others we’ve worked with at Resnick. Everyone has always been so kind and helpful. Thanks to the staff, the dogs and I have had such positive interactions with patients of all ages. It was a pleasure to celebrate wellness with them.