I’m not going to write about my daughters today. No point in giving them more ammunition while they’re deciding whether or not to sue me. It kills me because they’re such great material. My husband thinks it’s wonderful how they’re bonding over this. Really?
Recently I was watching the dogs running in the park and thought, “wouldn’t it be fun to run with them.” I could bond with the Doods, get some exercise.
I was so excited that I bought the shoes and a cute running outfit that wouldn’t show my butt bouncing up and down. I put the Doods on leashes and took off. After about a hundred yards of misery, I realized I’d forgotten one important thing. I hate running.
One other time, when my daughters were young, I’d been inspired to run. That turned out to be a total fiasco. Notice I’m not giving details. All I’m saying is that I got bailed out by the rainy season.
I had a sneaking suspicion that the Doods hated it too. Well to be honest, running with me seemed to be the problem. On their own they loved it.
CHARLEY This is the voice of reason speaking. I hate to say it but she also forgot that she’s no spring chicken and neither am I. Not to brag, but in my younger days I was quite the runner. A woman, who was obviously jealous that I was faster than her Border Collie, referred to me as a “flying carpet.” I let her sarcasm fall right off of my fabulous coat.
Aside from the pain, there are a few other reasons I have now officially sworn off running. First, I think it causes wrinkles. I can get enough of those walking and aging. My theory is that as you get older, your skin gets tired and has all it can do just to hold you together.
I also have a theory that jogging will cause your uterus to fall out. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, especially if it’s time for it to go. But can you imagine having to pick up dog poop and your uterus.
ANONYMOUS This is anonymous again. That is way too much information. I hope that none of my friends recognize me when I’m out with her.
