Head for the Hills

This morning I did something that I never recommend and which is probably stupid. I took off and went hiking by myself.  My hiking friends were either  incapacitated, out of town or on hiatus and I needed to go up into the mountains to clear my head and put things in perspective.

THE DOODS.We’ll put things in perspective. She should not be wandering around the mountains alone. She’s impossible. We need to get the daughters on this one

For the record I was not wandering. I was sweating my way up the “butt burner,” a local trail that’s just what it sounds like. I was working really hard, hoping I’d make it to the top.

I was also deep in conversation with myself because there was no one else to talk to, not even the dogs. Just when I was afraid I might not be all that interesting, I heard a couple coming up the trail, arguing about politics. I realized that chatting with myself was definitely preferable. Unfortunately, I did have a minor identity crisis. I ran into several people who said they almost didn’t recognize me without the Doods.

THE DOODS We just don’t like hiking in warm weather. It’s uncomfortable. Our hair gets flat. We hate those horrible foxtails that get in our feet, and we’re scared of the rattlesnakes. Not to mention there are lizards the size of rats. 

GUS And don’t forget the coyotes. I weigh 25 pounds and I’m a pacifist (Charley taught me that word) what am I supposed to do if one of them comes after me? Discuss??

This morning was very uneventful, but I did have a disturbing encounter another time when I was hiking alone. Yes, I’ve done it before. Some workmen were repairing gas lines in the mountains. As I walked by, one of them asked me if I was nervous being up there by myself. For some reason my hand went right to my big ugly fanny pack. He asked, “Oh, are you packing?” I answered “Yes I am.” He meant gun. I meant sandwich.

The good news is that this morning I came down with a clear head, nothing broken, nothing bleeding and no snake bites. Even better, I wouldn’t have to do squats or lunges at the gym.

ELBEE Am I the only one who thinks that’s pretty lame as far as good news goes?