February 2019 – Me and the Doods.com

Disorder in the Pack

Since Riley, our sweet Golden, passed, there has been a competition for pack leader. He was the quiet senior, the voice of reason. Charley before him was the gentle giant. Now the job should fall to Elbee, who thankfully has matured. Unfortunately for Elbee, Stanley and Gus are giving him a run for the money.

ELBEE What am I? The “spare heir?” I understand how Prince Harry feels.

It’s obvious that Gus with his long hair, cuteness factor and celebrity encounters has become quite a diva. He doesn’t want to take a back seat to anyone.

Stanley gives new meaning to the words, “attention seeking.” If I try to pet or brush one of the other two, he will literally shove them out of the way.

There also seems to be a big emotional adjustment going on and a lot of crying, especially for Elbee. He howled in his sleep, something he hasn’t done since shortly after we lost Charley. He also whimpered and carried on for the first fifteen minutes when I had the nerve to take Stanley and Gus for a walk without him.

ELBEE Hey, I’m a sensitive guy.

On a more positive note, the husband is now taking Elbee out every morning. Losing Riley was especially hard for him because their daily walks were such a special part of his routine. Elbee is really filling a void.

ELBEE I’m enjoying the walks but whereas Pack Leader (as she calls herself) is quite a yenta, the husband doesn’t stop to talk to anyone. I miss getting the latest gossip.

To add to the drama, the four grandkids were over. The older two are very comfortable with the dogs. This photo of Ryan sitting in my office with Elbee, his favorite, and Stanley is probably the calmest moment of the day

The jury is definitely out for the three and five year olds. As I’ve shared in the past, they like Gus because he’s little and cute. Elbee is not a favorite because he’s big and barks. As for Stanley, let me put it this way, they didn’t like Charley who was very large and very calm. Stanley is very large and not very calm. Plus, he loves kids so gets even more excited when he sees them.

As I look at the Doods sitting together, I realize two things. First, losing a close friend, a family member or however dogs sense it, may be different for dogs living in a pack. There truly is a shift in dynamics plus they grieve together but may also grieve differently. Second, and this is totally my opinion as someone who is addicted to Doodles, they seem to be sensitive, and yes, needy. They do drama.

I want to overshare one more thing. Since the “daughter editor” was busy, probably still trying to help her kids get over the dog encounter, I read this post to the husband. His comment, “That’s good. You made something out of nothing.” It’s a gift.

Gus is a Valentine

On Valentines Day, before joining the other “canine cupids” distributing love and holiday cards at UCLA Medical Center, Gus did some individual visits accompanied by a generous donor and a couple of his family members. They were interested in seeing first hand how the program worked. I was honored to have them with us. I truly believe that you can read about therapy dogs, hear about them or see them on the news, but there is nothing like watching the magic up close.

For our first stop, I tapped on the door of a teenage boy in the PICU. Lying in bed, he looked so sad but as soon as he saw Gus, his face lit up. Despite his pain, the boy had such a kind and gentle demeanor. When I asked if he’d like Gus on his bed, I swear that behind his glasses, I saw a twinkle in his eyes. Although he had difficulty moving, he was able to speak softly and wanted Gus even closer. Before I knew it, Gus was cuddled next to him with his head on the boy’s shoulder.

When it was time for me to take Gus from his bed, I asked if he’d like to see him do a few trick before we left. I didn’t think it was possible but as Gus danced, waved and played peek-a-boo, the boy’s beautiful smile grew even bigger. The moment was so touching, it brought tears to the eyes of the people who were watching.

We went to see another teen who was very happy and calm while she was petting Gus. Still, I have to say that it was her grandmother who was even more comforted. She could barely contain her emotions as she hugged him and told me in Spanish how much it was helping her. As a fellow grandma I could truly understand.

We stopped to visit with a toddler who giggled and greeted Gus like he was one of her favorite stuffed animals. Then I realized that she had met him a few weeks before when he came to her room with Kenta Maeda of the Dodgers.

Finally, we were asked to see a little boy about a year old who was blind. He had never had any sort of interaction whatsoever with a dog. While he sat in his mother’s lap, she gently stroked his hand through Gus’s long, soft hair. Then, since he seemed relaxed and receptive, she rubbed his bare feet along Gus’s back. I couldn’t believe that we were part of something so seemingly simple yet so momentous.

After all of his hard work, I took Gus to meet up with some of the other dogs. That’s when he saw Lola, an adorable little Poodle. Their eyes met and it was love at first sight. How perfect. The two dogs had spent the morning spreading love, and now they’d each found their own special valentine.

Oversharing in the Mountains

A few days ago, I was coming down from the mountains with Stanley when a young woman who had also been hiking stopped to admire him. She commented that his hair reminded her of her cat.

STANLEY What’s a cat?

ELBEE Oy vey.

As she was petting him, she asked me his name. When I said “Stanley,” she laughed and told me that was her boyfriend’s name. She was curious as to why I’d chosen it. I explained that Stanley was my wonderful brother who had passed away years ago. I added that he was very funny and that I was sure he got a kick out of it.

That’s when the flood gates opened. Hearing about my loss while surrounded by the beauty of nature with the comfort of Stanley in her arms, this complete stranger began sharing intimate details of her life. By the way, Stanley is nowhere near ready for a structured situation. He still chases his tail and barks at leaves blowing on the ground. Apparently, though, he is very good at trail therapy.

She told me that she’d lost her mother a few years earlier. Even though loss is different for each person, I shared that my mother had died when I was young so I could understand her pain. That’s when she opened up even more.

After losing her mother she realized that she really didn’t have an addictive personality so she stopped chain smoking and drinking. She also lost over 100 pounds. Still, she was dealing with unresolved issues of anger and grief.

I don’t know if my inner grandma took over or if it was having Stanley with us, but I tried to help. I could see by the expression on her face that a few of the things I said stuck a chord with her. It became a walking therapy session. Not sure how but even the daughters came up.

When we reached a water fountain in the park leading up to the trails, Stanley needed a drink.

ELBEE I bet he did.

She began to fill up a bowl that had been on the ground but before we knew it, he jumped on top of the fountain. Maybe this had all been too much for him.

ELBEE Of course it was.There was way too much oversharing all the way around.

She thanked me as we said goodbye. Heading to my car which was parked some distance away, it struck me how random this encounter had been. If I’d been walking alone, we probably would have smiled and just said “hi.” Because of the big, beautiful, goofy puppy by my side with the name Stanley, two strangers had a few moments of raw emotional connection.

Requiem for Riley

Riley, our Golden Retriever, passed away last week. He would have turned 16 in March. Even though he had been slowing down, he was still taking his morning walks with my husband. Then suddenly his body gave out. He was unable to stand up or lie down on his own. We knew that it was time to let him go with dignity.

His passing was peaceful yet so sad. After we lost Charley, his uncle, two years ago, Riley by virtue of seniority, became the pack leader. The Doods seem a bit lost without him. I wish there was a way to explain to them where he’s gone.

As a puppy, Riley joined Cody, our other sweet Golden and Larry, my brother’s Border Collie mix whom we adopted when my brother passed away. They were each nine at the time but Riley breathed new life into them. He kept them on their paws.

Riley was many people’s favorite, including two of the daughters (I’m not naming names). He was calm and mellow, especially compared to the Doods, who let’s face it, are a lot more attention seeking.

He’d sit by your side offering companionship and comfort without constantly having to be acknowledged. When someone came in the front door, he’d wait to be petted instead of almost knocking them over to get attention first. He was actually a great compliment to the Doods.

ELBEE I loved Riley and really miss him but I’m a little hurt by the comparison. For the record, as the new pack leader, I’m trying hard to watch over Gus and Stanley.

Riley was such a part of the family for so long, he even predated the grandchildren. It’s hard to remember a time when he wasn’t with us or to believe he isn’t with us now. Today when I was feeding the other three, I kept expecting him to walk in a few minutes later as he has in the past few months.

It’s also the little unexpected things that make us miss him even more. Riley loved to hang out in the laundry room. It was like his den. The only problem was that he would often sleep against the door leading to the garage. Every time we came home we had to gently push him out of the way to get into the house. This morning, I felt a twinge of sadness when the door opened easily.

Goodbye beautiful Riley. I hope we gave you the best life possible. Thank you for the gifts that you gave to all of us. We take comfort in knowing that Charley will be waiting to welcome you when you cross the rainbow bridge.