Month: March 2021

Confessions of a Stage Mom

In the spirit of honesty, I admit that this post is a blatant attempt to get votes for Gus in  L.A.Magazine‘s cutest pet contest.

https://www.lamag.com/petfest/ 

ELBEE I would say desperate attempt.

 

 

Surprisingly, the oldest daughter, not the biggest fan of the Doods, texted me an article about the contest. I wondered if she was developing a soft spot for them.

ELBEE No. She bet a friend that her mother would be all over it.

When the daughters were growing up, I was more of a yelling from the sidelines kind of mom than a stage mom. Being an uncoordinated nerd who never played a sport, I loved cheering them on.

ELBEE She’s lucky she never got red carded at a soccer game.

When they were taking gymnastics, I got so carried away that I signed up for a class they were offering to delusional over-involved moms. To tell you how badly it went, I gave myself a black eye jumping off a mini-trampoline.

Technically I guess you could say that I first became a stage mom when I started bodybuilding. I brought the daughters to all the competitions, hoping they’d become my stage children and give me an extra push.

ELBEE Is she kidding? That’s a mom on stage not a stage mom. Those poor daughters.

It was only after the Doods came into my life that I became a true stage mom. I remember the exact day that it happened. I was walking with Charley, the gentle giant, my first therapy dog.

We passed a small crew that was filming random dogs and their owners for movie trailers. They asked if they could film me and Charley crossing the street. After thinking about it for two seconds I said “sure.” When we finished they gave me an envelope with fifty dollars. I still have it. Dog stage mom was born.

Among other things, Charley went on to do a featured cameo in I Love You Man, an appearance on Pit Bulls and Parolees, and an ad for Bedhead Pajamas. Somehow I even found him an agent.

I never got an agent for the others but have jumped at every opportunity for them to be in magazines, the news or on TV. Stanley, at not even two, filmed  a show to be aired on Animal Planet. When they have photo shoots at UCLA, I am totally stage mom, primping and preening them.

 

 

This week I realized I’d really gone to the dark side. I received a spam call saying that I was going to be served an arrest warrant the next day whatever that meant. The creepy recording added that if I wasn’t served then, I’d be served at the sheriff’s station with law enforcement and media present. My first thought was,” wonder if I can bring Gus and Stanley.”

VOTE FOR GUS EVERY DAY TO MAKE THIS STAGE MOM GO AWAY

https://www.lamag.com/petfest/

ELBEE I am actually embarrassed for her.

My Epic Fail

In the past few weeks, with cautious optimism becoming more pervasive, people are really reaching out. Even with masks and distancing, when I’m walking with Gus and Stanley we have so many interactions that it’s almost like it was before COVID turned life upside down. More than ever, it makes me look forward to the day that we can return to in-person hospital visits.

A film crew we passed said that Gus and Stanley were just the break they needed.

GUS & STANLEY Unfortunately, when they told her what show they were filming, she said “I didn’t know that was still on.” We were so embarrassed. It could have been our big break.

An elderly woman, walking with her daughter on her way to physical therapy, stopped and said she’d rather get dog therapy. Another woman asked if she could take a picture of the dogs for her kids.

ELBEE Sorry but I fail to see how this socializing is a fail.

Here’s the problem. People are putting a positive spin on this past difficult year by sharing the things that they’ve accomplished. Some of us have not been quite as productive.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard that someone has taken up a new hobby, from photography to knitting to painting. I have no new hobbies. I tried going back to yoga but got nauseous doing it in front of the computer. Then I gave meditation a shot but kept falling asleep. I was told that was avoidance.

Other people have told me how they’ve totally cleaned house. They’ve gone through closets, old photos, cupboards. I’ve barely cleaned out the refrigerator.

As for cooking, I didn’t realize that I knew so many gourmets. They even grow their own herbs. My friend Shelli texted a photo of an absolutely beautiful meal that she’d prepared. I texted back a photo of Gus and a take out container.

One area where I have improved over the past year is hiking. More than ever the mountains have been my escape, my healing place, my sanctuary. It’s also my favorite place to do push-ups. Not to brag but some of my younger hiking buddies have referred to me as the “beast.”

ELBEE I’m sure that her being a senior has nothing do to with that.

I’ve also reached a new level of connection with Gus and Stanley. Okay, I admit that some friends have taught their dogs so many new tricks that they’ve received on-line certificates. I haven’t taught Gus or Stanley one new trick but I have bench pressed them.

We’ve done so many zoom calls together that it would  be difficult for me to do one on my own. To top it off, with all of the time we’ve spent together over the past several months, I now speak dog.

 

GUS & STANLEY No, she doesn’t.

 

 

 

Cautiously Optimistic

I’m almost embarrassed by the title of this post because it’s become such a cliché right now.

ELBEE Apparently not embarrassed enough not to use it.

We’ve all gone through so much together, from pandemic brain to pandemic fatigue to being so over it. Sharing with friends and family has been a saving grace. We have found ways to connect with each other and to comfort. Now we are looking for the way back.

On Wednesday the Doods did a Zoom call with a little girl at UCLA Medical Center. Ironically, the date marked a year since Gus or Stanley has done any in person visits.

ELBEE I would have been devastated to have had my illustrious therapy dog career put on hold.

On March 11, 2020 Gus did his recertification testing and soaked up all of the attention walking through the hospital. It was also the day that the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 an international pandemic.

Zoom calls, which were a technological nightmare for some people, have become routine and sometimes even fun.

ELBEE She used to ask her grandkids for help.

The patient we visited on the eleventh seemed a bit shy but having her mom there gave her the ease to open up.

They were both delighted with Gus and Stanley’s antics. They laughed at their dancing, applauded the tricks. told me about their dogs. We even sang an early Happy Birthday to Gus.

The only thing missing was the physical contact with the dogs. There was no hugging or petting. There were no belly rubs.

An impromptu visit that the dogs did on one of our walks really put it in perspective. I was fortunate enough to be vaccinated, so although I’ve been cautious, I have let more people approach. I also carry Purell.

ELBEE By the way, “fortunate” means “old.”

A man out with his two young sons asked if they could pet the dogs. When I gave the okay, the boys were so excited. Gus and Stanley were almost giddy and immediately began showing off. They have been very confused by social distancing.

After the dogs calmed down enough to pose for a photo, I handed the boys their UCLA trading cards. Before we went our separate ways, the dad looked me in the eye and said  “you just made their day.” I realized how much I’ve missed that simple phrase that therapy dogs and their handlers so often hear in the hospital.

It made me think that Zoom visits are like television shows with a remote audience while in-person hospital visits are like live theater. There is a priceless interaction when a dog walks into a patient’s room. I am cautiously optimistic that we will find our way back.

 

 

 

 

This One’s for You Stan

On one of my Ventura Blvd walks with Gus and Stanley, we passed a store window that was filled with origami cranes. The shop had been vacant for months and then had housed a temporary exhibit for local artists. Now these  ethereal paper birds were hanging on copper chains.

It was part of  the Memorial Crane Project started by artist Karla Funderburk. She created the art installations for the purpose of honoring loved ones lost to COVID-19.

In the Japanese culture, the crane is a symbol of good fortune and longevity, but also of hope and healing during difficult times. These hand made birds are her way to commemorate those lives and to help us mourn and heal collectively.

ELBEE Someone has been busy on Google.

 

 

The delicate birds, as well as a wall of remembrance, are in the windows of well-trafficked locations. At first the artist was making the cranes on her own, but as word spread, more and more people joined in. Her goal is to have a memorial display in each state. Sadly, it would take years and years to make a bird for each life that has been lost.

ELBEE I’m sorry to break the mood but I love the name Funderburk.

On a more personal note of remembrance, my brother Stan’s birthday was  March third. I’ve written about him often since he was one of the most special people in my life and one of the funniest.

He has been gone almost twenty five years but I still light a candle on his birthday. After being so moved by the window display, I considered changing things up and folding some paper cranes in his honor.

ELBEE Origami is not in her skill set.

Instead, on his birthday, Gus, Stanley and I did a Zoom call with the kids and the teens in the neuropsych units at UCLA. Although you never know how it’s going to go, this one turned out to be so much fun.

It was just one of those visits where the patients were engaged and having a good time. They laughed at the dogs’ outfits. They were great sports. They agreed to sing for Gus’s dance and my silly “dance” with Stanley. They applauded. Okay, I milked the applause. It felt as if my brother’s spirit was with me, as if he was smiling down.

Recently, going through some old boxes, I found a poem that a friend had written for him when he was waging his battle with cancer. I want to share the closing lines.

“Why this has happened to you many people have contemplated,                         But one thing is for sure, your life will always be celebrated.”

Happy birthday Stan. I celebrate you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sequins & Schmatas

As the pandemic has gone on and on, a lot of us have gotten very comfortable in sweats, schmata’s and minimal makeup.

CHARLEY It’s concerning.

On the other hand, our dogs look fabulous. We’ve been spending so much time together, there’s lots of brushing and pampering going on.

My cousin Janet, the one who inherited the sewing and crafting gene from my grandmother, made this personalized sweater for her “granddog” Leon. If I could knit I would have done the same thing.

ELBEE Knit? I saw her try to sew on a button. It was painful.

I’ve never hesitated to dress the Doods up for holidays or special events at the hospital. Now every Zoom call is an excuse. When we do virtual visits, it’s all about Gus and Stanley in their ties and tiaras. The patients are so taken with the sequins and feathers, I don’t think they even notice me in my sweats.

ELBEE Excuse me, those are pajamas.

It reminds me of the time I knocked on a patient’s door at Providence Tarzana Hospital and asked her if she’d like a visit. A little confused, she looked at me and answered “not really,” Then, seeing Gus at my feet, she smiled and said “please come in.”

I confess, Gus and Stanley’s wardrobe comes from the Dollar Store or from my closet. My kids were never that easy to dress. I remember a shopping trip when one of the daughters asked why there was a little “x” sticker on a shirt. When I explained that it meant there was a tiny imperfection, her response was, “you’re buying me rejects?” Neither Gus nor Stanley has ever complained about rejects.

Actually, I was feeling so good about the outfits I was putting together, I thought dog stylist might be in my future. Then the people on our UCLA PAC Zoom calls began sharing about all of the shopping they’d been doing. They’d been buying fancy doggie apparel on specialized web sights. Who knew they had onesies and bodysuits for dogs! I was afraid that I’d have to step up my game.

GUS If she buys me a onesie I’m outta here.

STANLEY I might look cute in that black bodysuit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gus and Stanley have very different attitudes when they pose for photos. No matter how I dress him, Stanley sits patiently and waits for his close up. Gus, on the other hand, often looks as if he’s having an existential crisis.

On a serious note, some friends are going through very difficult times. This lighter post was written for them in the spirit of love.