Ellen Morrow – Page 17 – Me and the Doods.com

Pandemic Fatigue

Like seemingly everyone I’ve spoken to this week, I’m feeling pandemic fatigue. Of course a large part of it is dealing with the unimaginable loss of life. It’s hard to believe that those ever-growing numbers represent loved ones who are gone, leaving empty spaces. It’s difficult to see the toll it’s taking on front line workers.

There is also a more mundane and maybe selfish side to the fatigue. When the rules changed in March, who would have ever believed that in December we’d be living in this surreal world. Things we took for granted like going to the movies or the gym are virtually impossible.

Speaking of virtual, most of my visits with family and friends are on the computer. Social distancing has kept us physically if not emotionally apart. Instead of asking the daughters if they want to come over, I ask “Can you FaceTime later?” What I wouldn’t give to hug them. Gus and Stanley have done so many virtual visits, that when they see my laptop on the floor, they know it’s their time to shine.

Now that I’ve vented, let me see if I can help with a note of positivity.

ELBEE Thank goodness. She was dragging me down a really deep hole.

I was taking Gus and Stanley for one of our regular walks up a residential street that leads into the surrounding mountains. All of a sudden I heard very loud music coming from a black Jeep parked by the side of the road. Then I saw her. A young girl with buzzed hair and a great figure, wearing a sports bra and tights, was dancing by the open driver’s door.

She wasn’t just doing a few steps. She was doing full on hip hop, moving with abandon. She circled around the car and then danced into the middle of the road. It was like a music video with no cameras filming.

In normal times I probably would have been more surprised but during the pandemic, the unusual has become expected. The grandma in me would have been concerned that she was all over the street but instead I was a little jealous.

ELBEE Probably because she looked so fabulous.

There was a part of me that wanted to join in.

GUS & STANLEY That would have been so embarrassing. We’re pretty well known in the neighborhood.

Fortunately, I came to my senses. My last dance class was ballet when I was pregnant with Danielle and it wasn’t pretty.

As I continued to watch her an expression came to mind, “dance like no one is watching.” That’s exactly what she was doing. Focusing on the music and the movement seemed to be giving her such freedom and joy. In these difficult days, don’t we all need something to bring us to that place.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Thanksgiving morning I woke up bright and early and did one of my favorite things.

ELBEE It wasn’t making a turkey.

GUS & STANLEY “Bright and early?” We were up first and we like to sleep in.

Much as I hate to admit it, Elbee is right. I am not a big fan of preparing turkeys. I was thrilled a few years ago when I found out you could purchase them precooked.

Instead, I went for a hike. Due to COVID-19, no family or friends were coming to dinner. We were going to be celebrating with the dogs. There was no big table to set, no turkey and sides to prepare, so I had plenty of time.

As I made my way up a steep trail, I felt the sadness of it all. Like so many other people I would miss having everyone together, talking and laughing. I would even miss the noise and chaos of the dogs competing for attention from the grandkids.

As I so often do, I felt the mountains lift my spirits. I enjoyed the views, watched hawks soaring overhead, did a few pushups.

ELBEE She had to throw that in.

Being out in nature, helped to put things in perspective. It comforted me. This one yellow bush sunflower in the midst of the browned out vegetation seemed to be a sign.

When I came back down to reality, I prepared a few things for me and the husband. I made my famous stuffing and decadent sweet potatoes. There was only one snag in the menu, Pollo Loco was closed and we had to pick up Kentucky Fried Chicken.

ELBEE The truth comes out.

Before we sat down to eat, when I would normally would have been a stress case trying to get all of the food on the table, I took Gus and Stanley for a walk. As we made our way through the neighborhood, it was strangely quiet for a holiday. It reminded me of the silent school yards in the beginning of the pandemic.

There were few cars parked on the street, few extra lights on. There was little laughter coming from the houses. I saw one family celebrating in their garage, all in masks. I smelled a few barbecues.

Just as the sadness of it was hitting me again, two women walked by on the other side of the street. One was elderly, using a walker. The other seemed to be her helper. They both waved and commented on how cute the dogs were.

As we chatted from a distance, the older woman wanted to know all about them. Naturally, I had Gus dance and Stanley do his silly peek-a-boo. She was completely taken with them. When we said goodbye and began to move away, she called out, “Thank you so much. You have really cheered me up.” Once again, the dogs brought the power of gratitude into focus.

My Friend Dennis

My friend Dennis is kind, understanding and a good listener. Best of all he is really funny. He is the one who came to my defense and told my granddaughter that I was “unconventional” when the oldest daughter told her that I was “cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.”

Right now he is a COVID-19 warrior. He battled the illness at home for a week and then in the hospital for several days. It made it very real when someone close to me, someone I love and care deeply about, was directly affected. I hear disturbing stories from Nicole, the daughter who is an ICU nurse, but this put a face on the virus.

I am his honorary bubbie. On the countless hours that we’ve spent hiking we’ve talked about anything and everything. There is no judgment. We adhere strictly to the unspoken rule that “what we say on the trail stays on the trail.” He does trail pushups with me whether he wants to or not. When I’m about to yell at a biker who has flown by with no bell, Dennis tells me to let it go into the universe.

ELBEE I can’t believe she’s still having biker issues.

Of course, he is also a dog lover. We text so much during Westminster that we could be doing color commentary. Last year he lost his 19 year old Italian Greyhound who could probably have rivaled the Doods for being the most spoiled dog in town.

Speaking of the Doods, Dennis has known them all. He has supported my work with them and cheered on my writing about them. The picture on the left is a throwback photo from a Red Cross Gala with Dennis and Charley, my very first therapy dog. The one on the right is with Stanley when he was still just a big puppy on one of his first official hikes.

**Dennis & Charley, My First Therapy Dog**

**Dennis & Stanley, My 4th Therapy Dog**

What has impressed and amazed me throughout Dennis’s difficult journey is his attitude. He has stayed positive as he has dealt with each challenge. He doesn’t give in to self pity. When the daughters checked in with him, he was appreciative. When the youngest sent him a get well video from her kids, he said that it cheered him up.

He has also maintained his sense of humor. We joked when the hospital served him chicken soup, that it was “Jewish penicillin.” When he felt well enough, He sent funny memes and silly texts from his hospital bed.

Dennis is home now but still toughing it out. COVID is very demanding. Still, his main complaint this week was that his cable was out which made binge watching his favorite shows impossible.

I have a special request for anyone reading this post. I would really appreciate it if you would take a moment to send love, positivity and healing energy to my fabulous friend Dennis.

Thank You for Your Service

Last week, Danielle, the youngest daughter, called to ask about veterans in our family for a project in my granddaughter’s class. As I listed family members who had served, it made me really start thinking about the holiday.

ELBEE Probably because she has too much time on her hands.

My husband was a Lt. Commander in the Navy. My father and a few uncles served in WW II. Another uncle, a career military, was a Colonel in the Air Force.

It brought to mind this photo of my great grandmother Ella, taken in the early forties. There was a newspaper article attached but it has disappeared with time. What hasn’t disappeared is the sense of pride.

She’s holding stars for each of her relatives, including my father, who was representing their country.

This year, the year of COVID 19, has become so much about service. The pandemic, for all its difficulties, has given us time to remember and to reflect.

The Doods celebrated the holiday in the most meaningful way possible. They did a virtual visit with the kids in the neuropsych unit at UCLA. What better way to honor all of our veterans who have served than to make their own contribution.

I dressed Stanley and Gus in the red, white and blue accessories that the dogs have worn for past holidays and parades. There were no parades last Wednesday, but the smiles on the faces of the teens as they joined us on Zoom were a celebration.

“Thank you for your service.” Those five simple words say so much. Someone spoke them to me and the Doods the other day and I was unbelievably touched.

A huge thank you to all of the veterans who have served. This year there are so many others who deserve our gratitude too. Nicole, the middle daughter who, ironically was born at Camp Pendleton, is an ICU nurse. She has given me a deeper understanding of what she and her fellow front line workers are going through. From the bottom of my heart, a sincere thank you to her and to each and every one of them.

Thank you to family and friends who offer love and support, even if it’s just with a text saying “I’m thinking about you.” Thank you to neighbors who reach out to help, offering to pick up groceries. Thank you to the strangers who, masks and all, smile and wave.

A huge thank you to Gus and Stanley for your calming presence. Which reminds me, a shout out to our vet, as in veterinarian.

ELBEE That may be her most inappropriate segue yet.

Last week, with everything so heightened, I panicked when we found a growth over Gus’s right eye. I raced to the vet without an appointment but was fortunate enough to run into her in the parking lot. She took one look and reassured me that it was only a cyst. Treatment was a success and we’re both doing fine.

We’re Not Really Doctors. We Just Play Them on Zoom

The other day, a woman asked me the correct way to do virtual visits with dogs.

ELBEE Actually she has no idea.

I had to admit that I really had no idea.

ELBEE I told you.

A year ago, I’d never even heard of virtual visits or of Zoom. Now, after all of these months, I’m still trying to figure them out. Every visit, whether with a group of dogs or just the Doods, has a character and style all it’s own. Never really knowing exactly what to expect, you have to improvise to see what works.

Fortunately, I have Gus and Stanley to rely on. Just as I could never do hospital visits on my own, I could never do this alone either. It’s as if I’m the agent and they’re the talent.

Recently someone asked us to make a surprise virtual appearance for their UCLA study group. When I popped into the meeting, with my name under my face, I immediately heard, “Who’s Ellen Morrow?” I felt like an intruder. Then they saw Gus and Stanley. Suddenly, there were smiles all around. They all nodded in agreement as one person shared, “I feel better already.”

Several months ago when we began our virtual visits with the kids and the teens in the neuropsych units at UCLA, the dogs quickly figured out the whole concept of screen time. They started showing off and blocking me to get attention.

Actually that would be Stanley. When I’d have Gus do his “dance” for everyone, Stanley became a drama king jumping all over the place.

STANLEY I think I resent that. And I need a real agent.

That behavior could be a major problem in person, but on Zoom it immediately engaged the kids. When children are in the hospital, watching two goofy dogs vie for attention is much more entertaining than seeing them do a perfect sit.

At times, the visits are a lot calmer. All it takes is the sight of Gus and Stanley sitting by my side to help a patient or even a staff member relax and chat quietly. Their mere presence is comforting.

It dawned on me that in a way, I’m the referring physician and they are truly the specialists.

ELBEE Referring physician practicing with a “virtual” license?

They may be the calming psychiatrists who listen with no judgment. They may be the pain management experts who distract patients from their discomfort. They may be the pediatricians who care for the little ones sitting sadly in their hospital beds. And although they may not be cardiac surgeons, they have certainly opened many hearts.

ELBEE That is very sweet but incredibly cheesy.

Who Doesn’t Love a Dog in a Wig?

For years, as far back as Charley and Elbee, the Doods and I have taken part in the UCLA Medical Center Halloween celebration. Teams from the People Animal Connection parade through the hospital, dressed in costumes, giving treats to the patients.

ELBEE I always looked fabulous.

I have such fond memories of the laughter of families and staff accompanied by lots of giggling from the children.

This year it was a virtual Halloween celebration. Several teams met on Zoom to visit people in the hospital. Not exactly a parade but still a chance to reach out and spread some cheer.

ELBEE Did they give out “virtual” candy?

Stanley and Gus got an early start on the holiday when we virtually visited the kids in the neuropsych units. It was a few days before Halloween, but seriously, would I ever pass up the chance to decorate the dogs?

ELBEE Heaven forbid.

As you can see from the photos, there’s a real theme to their costumes. Who doesn’t love a good multi-colored wig?

Coincidentally, when I was going through my card stash, trying to find a birthday card for a friend’s 80 year old mother, I found this card that totally proves my point.

ELBEE Her “stash?” And who are the other 4%?

I admit that I bought the second rainbow wig, forgetting that I had one at home. Still, what a perfect way for me to join in. I’m not a big fan of costumes but wigs and cute pumpkin shirts, I’m in. It turned out to be a wonderful way to engage the kids.

Strangely, hair became the theme of the whole week. I was on a hiking trail with a friend when a woman stopped to chat. She said, “I know you. You’re the one with the fluffy dogs. We call you the three blondes.” What a great title for our act. Maybe America’s Got Talent is not out of the question.

Then Jen, who runs PAC, told me about an encounter she’d had. She met a woman in the hall of the hospital who said, “You know I met one of your dogs back on the 4th floor when I worked there. The lady had wild hair like her dogs.”

When Jen showed her a picture of me and the Doods, the woman said, “Yup! that’s her! She got me over my fear of dogs.”

Once again, so passionate about the work they do, I’ve shared a story of how the dog visits resonate with people. They touch lives in ways we may never even know or truly understand. This one was about the Doods, but I guarantee that every person involved with a therapy animal has beautiful stories to tell. Not everyone, however, has fabulous wig photos.

October Joy

First of all, I have to say thank you to the Lakers. They won the championship and brought some much needed joy to this pandemic world. Paying tribute to the late Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna made the celebratory moment even more special.

Now it’s up to the Dodgers. Watching them come back from being down three games to one to reach the World Series was a nerve wracking treat for all of us fans. As I share this, they’re up three games to one over the Tampa Bay Rays. Let’s hope they’ll play their way to victory.

October twelfth marks fifty one years that my mother has been gone. She was another shining star, dimmed too soon.

ELBEE And that is joyous how?

The positive part is that on that particular day the husband was cleaning out some cabinets (a plus in itself) and found an ancient photo album that somehow I don’t remember ever having seen. There were incredible black and white photos of my parents as young lovers.

There were also lots of pictures of me which I’m not sharing. Unfortunately, they were proof of something I’d heard over the years. I was truly an unattractive baby. I think it was my brother who spilled the beans and he was probably the one who hid the album.

ELBEE I saw them. He was doing her a favor.

Another positive is that the weather has turned grey and cloudy. You may be asking yourself how is that a good thing.

ELBEE Exactly

Well, the temperature has come down too so the dogs and I have been doing lots of walking. Despite the masks and social distancing, it’s comforting to run into familiar people. It’s like being in a small town.

One man said that he was so happy to see us because the dogs and I were a fixture in the neighborhood. I’m not exactly sure if that’s a good thing. Then I had a very special encounter with a woman who called and waved to me from a parking lot as we were passing by.

She began by thanking me. She’d had health issues over the years and the dogs and I had come to see her in the hospital. She had never forgotten those visits because they meant so much to her.

As we stood and talked, I couldn’t help but think that here we were, two relative strangers, engaged in a very deep exchange. With all of the anger and divisiveness in this country, it didn’t matter who we were or what we believed.

I think that sometimes we get so involved with issues that we forget our basic humanity. The dogs are a unifying factor. Just as the hospital visits resonated with her, her gratitude resonates with me.

Is There a Virtual Dress Code?

Annual award luncheons have been off the table during the pandemic.

ELBEE Was that supposed to be “punny?”

Last Friday, UCLA Health put on a very special virtual celebration to honor their volunteers. They brought more than 140 people together on line, not only to recognize their contributions during normal times, but also to spotlight all that they’ve been doing during the pandemic.

With videos, guest speakers, entertainment and award presentations, they acknowledged the time and effort that have been so tirelessly donated over the past several difficult months. From hand-made cards and special baskets to virtual dog visits and music therapy, there has been a concerted effort to bring comfort and positivity into the hospital.

Although virtual events are certainly a far cry from the real thing, there is a bright side. You save time and money because there’s no driving or parking involved. I took advantage of the opportunity to hike up into the mountains. I knew that if I got home late, I could shower after the meeting, another plus.

ELBEE Too much information

Getting dressed was a little tricky. Hair and makeup were a no brainer. And of course I had to put on earrings to be sure my piercings hadn’t closed up. It was the outfit that was a problem.

When I do visits with Gus and Stanley, I wear a cute shirt, long pants and shoes in case I have to get up and have them perform. Sitting on the bed for this virtual celebration, I figured I had some leeway. Why not relax and go barefoot with shorts.

Speaking of Stanley, that’s kind of where things took a wrong term. Usually, whenever I log into a meeting, Stanley is right there with his big shaggy head, vying for screen time. On Friday, instead, he just lay sprawled out sleeping at my side.

While Stanley was snoring next to me, an associate of UCLA who offers sessions in mindfulness, came on screen to lead us in a short meditation. I was pretty excited about that. With the pandemic stress and my ADD, it sounded like something that could really help.

Unfortunately, that’s when Stanley threw up on the bed. Now there’s something that can only happen at a virtual event. I tried to do a quick clean up but I’d like to see anyone focus on their breathing after that.

Also, I’m sure that when I jumped up to get cleaning supplies, a few people noticed my outfit or lack of. My cousin made me feel much better. Her friend was doing the same “dress great from the waist up outfit” for a virtual funeral service. Imagine her surprise when she had to stand up for a prayer!

Drag Queens and Dodgers and Dogs, Oh My!

If I were to ask you to guess what the Doods and I did last Sunday afternoon and you said drag queen bingo, you’d be right!

The UCLA People Animal Connection holds an annual volunteer appreciation luncheon. With COVID-19 making that impossible this year, they held a virtual volunteer appreciation bingo brunch.

I have to admit when I first scanned the email, I wasn’t too excited. I’m really not much of a bingo fan.

ELBEE Hate so say it but she’s right. Bingo can be sort of a snooze.

Then I reread it and saw that it was going to feature Charlie Hides, drag queen extraordinaire as the caller. Now that was a whole different story.

I logged in on bingo day and there she was in all of her cotton candy hair and fabulous make-up glory. She was pure energy and fun.

As a plus, she’s a dog lover and a true believer in pet therapy. She was as delighted with our group as we were with her.

We didn’t just play bingo we did classic dances. We laughed at her constant banter as we joined in on head, shoulders, knees and toes, the chicken dance and YMCA. Gus and Stanley were right there dancing along with me.

ELBEE Classic dances?

Out of curiosity, I asked if she’d ever been on RuPaul’s Drag Race. I’m a huge fan. Not only was Charlie on the show but she was the oldest contestant ever. We were stunned when she shared that she was over fifty!

ELBEE Her skin was amazing.

As if that wasn’t great enough for the week, the Doods had a major Dodger moment. Fans haven’t been allowed in the stadiums during this season of the pandemic, so cardboard cutouts are taking their place. Cutouts of Gus, Stanley and some of their PAC buddies are now gracing the stands at Dodger Stadium.

As someone who once told Dodger manager Dave Roberts that I was a “granny groupie,” I was thrilled. The baseball season has been shortened but I am grateful for every game I’ve watched, especially the winning ones.

Seeing cardboard Gus and Stanley sitting in the stands is crazy. It’s definitely a far cry from pups in the park when you can bring your real dog to a game. Still, they are there in spirit representing all of us at UCLA Health.

During this challenging year of illness, isolation and discord, we need to celebrate the positive whenever it’s possible. Whether it’s a fabulous drag queen bringing us together in laughter or our favorite baseball team winning the division, those moments are gifts in this most difficult of times.

ELBEE RuPaul and the Dodgers? Someone has very eclectic taste.

We Will Always Remember You

Yom Kippur is a biggie in the Jewish religion, the holiest day of the year. It’s a day of atonement, reflection and remembrance. Observant people fast and spend most of the day in temple.

ELBEE Notice she said “observant.”

I guess I’m kind of a Yom Kippur rebel. In the past, along with Donna, my fellow rebel, I have been known to break some of the rules. On two or three occasions, we took the dogs into the hospital on the holiday. We figured the good works that they were doing made up for any of our non-observance.

This year COVID-19 let me off the hook. I wasn’t going to sit in a crowded service, inside or out. My cousin emailed me a link to on-line services in Florida but with my ADD, sitting and watching the computer was not going to happen.

ELBEE There are so many things wrong with that paragraph. Someone is going to have a lot of atoning to do.

Instead, early in the morning, I hiked up into the mountains.

ELBEE I’m not sure if that’s kosher.

Sitting on one of my favorite overlooks with a view of the ocean in the distance, I felt a true sense of spiritual connection. The morning was unusually quiet, there were no other people around. The little birds who have been very vocal lately, were still. Two large hawks soared silently overhead.

As I sat there, remembrance washed over me. This year with so many deaths from the virus, it was especially poignant.

Of all the treasured people in my life whom I’ve lost, including my parents, dear friends and relatives, two are always an integral part of the holiday…my brother Stan and my friend Eileen.

They both brought love, laughter and kindness to my life. Although, they’ve each been gone many years and were way too young when they passed, not a day goes by that I don’t feel their presence

Since their ashes are in the ocean, Eileen’s kids and I have made it a holiday tradition to place flowers in the sand for them. Yizkor is a remembrance service on Yom Kippur, a prayer for the deceased. This is our way of saying Yizkor.

Her boys Mark and Gary and I headed to our special beach. Her daughter Lisa was with her family, but joined us in spirit on our annual “pilgrimage.” We walked down the sand and found a place to sit on the rocks.

We talked softly, shared memories and stood flowers in the sand as the waves broke on the shore. Our sense of connection with each other and with Stan and Eileen was, as Mark said, “magical.”

I don’t think there is a better way to celebrate Yom Kippur than opening our hearts with unconditional love for those who are gone and for those who are a cherished part of our lives today.

When I got home in the evening, I lit candles of remembrance. Gus and Stanley, sensing my emotions, sat by my side.