The House Is Strangely Quiet

When I’m upset, I often go up into the mountains to work things through. Climbing the steep trails gives me a sense of peace, a sense of clarity. This week, however, was different. After losing Elbee, I found solace in the support of family, friends and countless people who had interacted with him at work. There was an outpouring of love. There was also a sharing of Elbee memories that made me happy and sad at the same time.

A therapist at UCLA commented that “he did things that none of us can do.” A friend who had seen him working in the ICU was amazed by his “understanding.” With tears in her eyes, a nurse said that she would miss the special moments when Elbee would come directly over to her as if to say hello.

Unfortunately, Gus and Stanley can’t share stories or express their feelings but it’s obvious that they’re both grieving. There are no games of tug or races around the yard.

The house is strangely quiet without Elbee. It’s not that the other two don’t bark, but Elbee was like the bark leader. He always had a lot to say. Gus and Stanley are moping around without him. They miss his voice and his presence.

Stanley is taking it particularly hard. He seems lost. Elbee, in a dog way, was his mentor. He taught him to heel and to do a perfect stay. He would tolerate the puppy behavior as Stanley pulled him around by his ear.

When I took Stanley to the groomer this week, everyone there said that they could feel his sadness. It was like an aura around him. We decided that taking him to the hospitals might help. He’d get lots of attention and would be distracted.

At UCLA most of the people we interact with were aware of what had happened. They were saddened by the loss but they’d had some time to process it. They were kind and caring. They showered Stanley with affection.

Going into Providence Tarzana was more difficult because many on the staff hadn’t heard about Elbee. They were learning about it from me. Several burst into tears. I was on the verge of losing it myself. Focusing on Stanley gave me room to breathe.

One of the other things that touched me this week was how many people were fans of the Elbee of my blog and how funny they thought he was. They didn’t want his voice to disappear. I suddenly asked myself, “Is it any stranger to hear him talking to me from above rather than from the couch in my office?” The oldest daughter does not need to answer that question.

Earlier in this post I was about to write that the past several days felt like an emotional cocktail. I immediately thought “Oh, Elbee would have had a field day with that one.” I promise he’ll be back when the time is right.

 

 

 

 

Goodbye Elbee and Thank You

On Sunday, Elbee was his usual, energetic, over the top barking self. Suddenly, on Monday, he was lethargic and not eating, usually one of his favorite activities. After visits back and forth to the vet, he had surgery on Thursday night and they found an inoperable tumor. Sadly we had to let him go.

 

I had a weird virus when he was a puppy and couldn’t start training him as early as I’d hoped. Missing some of the crucial stages, there were times I was about to give up but friends encouraged me to stick with it. I’m glad I did.

Elbee was that crazy, full of life character who seemed as if he’d live forever. His unique personality made him a favorite of so many. Once you met Elbee, you couldn’t forget him. My fifteen year old grandson said, “He’s my favorite animal to have ever lived.”

Elbee leaves a legacy of special moments. For instance, there was the little girl that he visited in the neuropsych unit. Within minutes she went from being out of control, smashing her head on the wall and crying, to sitting on the floor with Elbee, teaching him how to take a bow after he won her over with his tricks.

There was the teenage boy in another psych unit who was disruptive and yelling, not wanting to join the group gathered around Elbee. After some time, he actually lay down on the floor and hugged Elbee. Then I heard him whisper, “I love you.”

At an adult health center, a man with severe depression who only smiles when the dogs are there, fell in love with Elbee. When Elbee would put his paws on a chair and bend his head as if “saying his prayers,” the man always felt as if the prayers were just for him.

Somehow Elbee’s alter ego developed a life of its own in my blog. He inspired my writing. I could hear his voice and knew what he was going to say. In the strangest way I felt as if I was channeling him. It gave me such artistic freedom.

 

 

 

His sarcastic remarks kept me in check. His honesty was refreshing. His thoughts made me and other people laugh. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “Elbee is so funny.”

Now I have to day goodbye to the real Elbee and the Elbee of my imagination. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Thank you Elbee for being a larger than life character, for inspiring me and others and for making us laugh. Thank you for all of the amazing work and the healing that you did so selflessly.

Stanley and Gus are lost without you and keep waiting for you to come home. I take comfort in knowing that you’re home with your brother Charley and with your dear buddy Riley.

 

 

Hospitals, Hiking and Birthdays!

Four of the things that matter the most to me are family, friends, the Doods and hiking.

THE DOODS Not necessarily in that order and we are not responsible for this photo.

For my birthday this week I wanted to do something special. Instead of lunch or a party, I brought Stanley into UCLA for the second time. It turned out to be the best present I could have given myself.

I lost count of our lobby visits. The big, white shaggy muppet was back and drawing people to him. Then he met some of the staff from the neuropsych units who had heard about him and seen endless photos. They gave him a warm welcome.

We even went into Maddie’s room, the family surgery waiting area, for the first time. Like I had with Charley so many years ago, I followed the smiles around the room. Driving home, I had such a sense of joy and fulfillment. I knew that I had made the right choice for the day. The huge bouquet of roses from the husband didn’t hurt either.

But I needed part two of my celebration. Often I have done the “butt burner” on my birthday. It’s a really challenging local trail which, by the way, is not fun in July. Instead I decided to hike from the valley to the sea, about 8 or 9 miles. I had done it lots of times before but not in quite awhile and not alone. Hey, some people go skydiving. This was very tame in comparison.

THE DOODS That’s a great consolation.

Some family members, who shall remain nameless, thought it was crazy. Friends said “way to go.” The husband offered to pick me up as a gift. It was also just a couple of days from the date that my brother, Stanley’s namesake, passed away  years ago so I knew he’d be watching over me and laughing.

There was a feeling of freedom while I was hiking. I took in the breathtaking views. I set my own pace, had time to reflect. I scrambled up a couple of side trails and only had to ask for directions twice.

I stopped someone to take the photo on the left below as I was starting out. Then I asked someone else at the Hub Junction, a well known meeting place along the beach route, to take another one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ELBEE I don’t know which is more disturbing, that she’s doing the walk or asking strangers to take her picture.

I had such a quiet sense of accomplishment as I hiked into the park at Temescal Canyon where my special “driver” was waiting. The hike had been a little longer than I had remembered and the weather had been a bit warmer than I expected but just like taking Stanley into the hospital, it had been perfect. Happy birthday to me.

I’ve arrived!

ELBEE Aye, Dios Mio and I don’t even speak Spanish.

 

 

Expect the Unexpected

Going to UCLA with one of the dogs always brings the unexpected. As soon as we  enter the lobby we have all sorts of interactions, some calm and low key, some emotional and others just light and fun. Sometimes I find out that a simple encounter had much more impact than I realized. Wednesday was no exception.

Ready for Work

I walked into the hospital, Gus bouncing along by my side with the usual smile on his face. Once I tie on his blue PAC bandana, he’s ready to take on the world. I think that like Elbee and Stanley, he enjoys solo encounters, being the center of attention. It’s his time to shine.

Three women came over to see him, saying how adorable he was. One of them, who is now a dog trainer, told me that she had been involved with PAC in its early days before she moved out of state. She was a huge fan of pet therapy. Another one of the women, who was hugging Gus, commented on how much better he was making her feel. Then, to my shock, she looked at me and quietly shared, “My husband just passed away.”

I later leaned that she had been visibly distraught when she’d first come downstairs. Gus was somehow the support that she needed. He was providing a serene space in the midst of heartbreak.

Shortly after saying goodbye to the three women, Gus and I found ourselves  surrounded by about ten people. Being a teaching hospital, UCLA often has groups of students or faculty passing through. When they first spied Gus I heard  a collective chorus of, “OMG he’s so cute.”

With that kind of an audience how could I resist. Out came the tricks. Gus is so familiar with the routine that he started doing some of them on his own. I asked him to dance and before I knew it, he was waving and playing peekaboo. He finished to a round of applause.

As I took him outside for a short break before we headed up to our regular neuropsych units, I was struck by the difference in the two impromptu visits. The three women, especially the wife of the man who had just passed, needed a few quiet moments of comfort. For the upbeat group, it was an entertaining break in their day.

End of Shift

I was trying to put it all in perspective but Gus and his fellow therapy dogs, don’t have to think it through. It’s simply what they instinctively do. The only tell tale sign of how much they give is how tired they are at the end of a work day.

 

Someone recently sent me this photo of what therapy dogs may actually be feeling.

ELBEE Sorry to break the mood but I believe it’s called a meme and I only feel like that at home.

Okay, maybe I am guilty of oversharing with the Doods.

 

 

Stanley Is on Probation…the Good Kind

Stanley did his first official visit to UCLA Medical Center last week. It’s kind of a probationary period to be sure that he’s ready for the big time like patient visits and possibly the neuropsych units.

ELBEE Oh, it’s probation not parole. I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong and kept trying to get my record expunged. I never thought that being funny was a misdemeanor.

Being able to practice in the lobby and other public areas of the hospital is such a gift. On the day that he passed his test, just for fun, I had taken him to meet a few people on staff. Now with his acceptance letter from Pet Partners, it was for real.

I was so proud but also a little nervous as we entered the front doors. With the high ceilings, the noise and the chaos it can be a bit overwhelming. Stanley immediately put my fears to rest. He strutted at my side like a pro.

ELBEE It’s amazing how often we have to do that. She is very high maintenance.

As one of his first tests, I walked him over to meet Virgil, the security guard who is a big fan of Gus’s. Not only did Stanley sit for Virgil to pet him but then he nudged against him. It was love at first “lean.”

With his size and fluffy muppet appearance, Stanley is hard to miss. One person after another approached. He interacted with people of all ages as if he’d been doing it for years. From toddlers to seniors in wheel chairs, Stanley was receptive and sweet, no jumping, no barking. I lost count of how many times I heard the words that are always music to my ears, “He just made me so happy.”

There was a moment right after we arrived when it truly became real. Erin, from the People Animal Connection, saw Stanley and asked why I hadn’t put on his hospital bandana. I guess part of me wondered if it was too soon. Fortunately I just happened to have Charley’s old scarf in my purse.

ELBEE What a surprise!

As I tied it around Stanley’s big shaggy neck, it struck me that he was really an official therapy dog. It was a simple gesture but as it had been with Charley, Elbee and Gus, it was a symbol of the journey ahead. And once again I was lucky enough to be holding the leash.

Charley
Elbee
Gus

 

 

The Water Bottle

ELBEE “The Water Bottle” Is she serious?

 

 

The other morning, I was in the mountains taking advantage of June gloom. I love the cool weather before the heat sets in. I love seeing the last hurrah of the spring wildflowers through the mist.

ELBEE I actually agree with her on this one. I find it refreshing and I think it’s good for my already fabulous coat.

I had hiked up to one of my favorite overlooks above the main trails. It’s a peaceful spot that’s popular with the “regulars.” On clear days, there are spectacular ocean views. One man goes up there to practice tai chi. I sometimes get inspired to do push ups on the rocks. I’ve walked all the dogs up there and have even taken selfies with Elbee.

ELBEE Please don’t remind me. I was a mess from hiking. And do you like how she just happened to drop in the push ups. Although at her age, I guess I should say “way to go.”

STANLEY I wondered what she was doing.

I was enjoying the view when suddenly I saw a water bottle under the bushes. The curmudgeon in me was immediately annoyed that someone had littered. Littering, especially in the mountains, is one of my pet peeves. Years ago, when I used to take inner city high school students hiking, I was known for the “litter lecture.”

As I looked closer at the bottle, I noticed a white label on the side. In tiny printing it said, “Amber (German Shepherd) May Her Soul Rest In Peace. June 13, 2019.”  The owner went on to write that this was one of her favorite spots.

Over the years, I’ve seen all sorts of memorials on the trails. There are man made rock formations, small wooden signs and strategically placed benches. At a mountain park that was a military installation during the Cold War, there is even a faded water bowl with the name Bosco on it.

But I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as simple and as heartfelt as the bottle. The water was left there for other dogs who, like Amber, were enjoying the mountains with their owners. It wasn’t litter. It was remembrance.

When I went back a few days later, the bottle was gone. Okay, I admit that the anti-litterbug in me was a tiny bit relieved. Still, I thought of Amber. I feel as if her soul, like those of so many other dogs who loved the mountains, is running free up there. It’s the place that I feel closest to Charley.

 

 

 

 

 

Yay! Stanley Did It!

The exciting news is that on Wednesday, Stanley passed his Pet Partners therapy dog certification at UCLA. Last week, I hinted that he might be testing sometime soon but I didn’t want to jinx it.

ELBEE Hinted? She wasn’t that subtle.

I had an alternative title “Oh No! He Didn’t!” ready just in case but I’m so happy that I didn’t have to use it. Having to retake the test wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world but this is so much better!

Although I’ve done the test at least ten times (it’s required for each team every two years), I was still nervous. I didn’t know whether the goofy puppy or the good puppy would show up. I needn’t have worried. Stanley was in his element. When you raise diva dogs (yes, I confess) they thrive on undivided attention.

He breezed through the obedience commands, loved it when three people petted him all at once and relaxed for a hug. He barely reacted when someone approached him in a walker yelling, “Can I pet your dog?

 

 

 

 

 

 

ELBEE Hello? I’ve been coaching him for weeks. You know the saying, “Behind every great dog is an even greater dog.”

 

I almost had to ask myself, “Who is this dog?” Apparently he was oblivious to any of my tension traveling down the leash.

Enjoying his victory and the view!

GUS That’s because I showed him how to use yoga breathing to stay calm.

 

ELBEE To digress for a moment, I had my own stress this week. I was walking with the husband when I ate something on the road that looked delicious. Turns out it was a dead rat and it made me sick. I’m thinking of becoming a vegetarian.

Since Stanley had only met a couple of people at UCLA, I thought what better time for him to make his debut. It’ll be quite awhile before he’s ready to start visiting patients but it was the perfect opportunity to introduce him around and just happen to mention his test results.

We stopped in administration to say hi to Phyllis and to the other women in the office. They had heard about Stanley and seen lots of photos but this was their first official meeting. Stanley did not disappoint. It was love all around.

Then we headed down to the volunteer office. Big and sweet and fluffy, he reminded everyone of the late wonderful Charley. He even did the Charley “lean.”

No matter how any times I test the dogs, there is always such a sense of joy and accomplishment. Anyone who has ever had the privilege of holding the leash of a therapy dog understands what a unique experience it is. Surprisingly, it’s hard for me to find the right words to adequately express my gratitude to Charley, Elbee, Gus and now Stanley. They have led me down a path of purpose and wonder.

Training a Therapy Dog…Marathon or Sprint?

Last Sunday when I was hiking, there was a trail race going on in the Santa Monica Mountains. Entrants had a choice of a 5K or a half marathon. I watched from the top of a hill but, being a devout non-runner, would have chosen neither.  If for some weird reason I ever get inspired to run,  I just break into a 50 yard jog and that takes care of the urge.

Hearing that, it may be shocking to find out that I ran the L.A. Marathon. Yes, the L.A. Marathon. Okay, it was years ago and I walked most of it but it was still one of most challenging things that I’ve ever done, other than training Elbee. Just kidding.

ELBEE Not funny.

But I finished before dark and even have the medal hanging on my desk chair.

 

ELBEE That’s a marathon medal? I thought it was a piece of cheap costume jewelry.

It also made me think that training a therapy dog really is a marathon. Initially it’s a puppy sprint. You have to get through the peeing everywhere, the not sleeping, the chewing shoes and in some cases furniture. Then after a few months, it’s time for obedience training.

ELBEE Is it just me or is going from a mountain race to the marathon to training a puppy the most convoluted reasoning you’ve ever heard?

Once Stanley mastered sit, stay and down, the real endurance run began. Just like cheering crowds offer support along the marathon route, I’ve had lots of support along the way with people cheering us on, hoping that he’ll follow in his big brothers’ paw prints.

There is one group in particular that has gone above and beyond…the staff at Providence Tarzana Wound Care Center. Most of them knew Elbee and Gus from the hospital and had heard lots about the “huge puppy.”

Then on a day that my husband was working there, he called to ask me to bring Stanley down. A patient had heard about him and was really anxious to meet him. From the moment we walked into the waiting room, it was like training central. As a bonus, Stanley had his first elevator ride on the way up to the office.

It was so much fun and he was such a hit with the staff, and with the patient, that we’ve gone back again. One of the nurses even went so far as to borrow a walker so that he would be used to it for testing. I’m not saying he was perfect, that’s him “signing in” at the desk, but I couldn’t ask for more enthusiasm and for better practice conditions.

When, fingers crossed, the day comes that Stanley and I cross the testing finish line, they will have helped us get there. Hopefully I can repay their kindness by bringing him in to comfort patients as an official therapy dog.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Morning that Keeps on Giving

You would think that meeting Clayton Kershaw at UCLA would make the rest of the morning pale in comparison. Instead it just kept getting better.

After recovering from the Kershaw encounter, I brought Gus downstairs. Blue Moon an adorable miniature horse, who is a special part of the People Animal Connection, was doing visits in the atrium outside the lobby.

Since we had to hang around to meet a few people, I took Gus outside to see Blue Moon. A teenage girl in a wheelchair had been slowly but happily walking the horse. She noticed Gus with his still slightly blue Dodger ears and her smile grew even bigger. By the way, she liked my hair too.

ELBEE Really?

That opened the floodgates for her to start telling me about a special Yorkie she used to have. I believe it was for emotional support. The teen was incredibly animated as she shared photos and videos of the dog dyed different colors and in costume.

What I didn’t learn until later was that it was the first time she’d left her hospital room in a month! She was such an animal lover that the thought of seeing Blue Moon and the dogs had been the incentive to get her out of bed.

On the patio by one of the entrances, some of the PAC dogs were doing a visit station. It’s a monthly event when people coming in and out of the hospital have a chance to meet the dogs and to find out what they do. That was our next stop.

Gus was meeting and greeting everyone with tail wagging when suddenly he was sitting in the middle of a bunch of teenage girls who were squealing his name and hugging him like an old friend. Turns out they were old friends. A therapist had brought down some patients from the Eating Disorder Unit to see Blue Moon and the dogs.

Gus, Elbee and, even Charley before them, have worked in that unit for years. Unfortunately, over long periods of time, many of the patients are in and out of the hospital. On the bright side, they come to know and love the dogs. There is a real bonding that occurs.

Perhaps seeing that interaction, Yancy, another dog lover, who was covering the event for UCLA social media, asked if I would do a short interview.

ELBEE That was a no brainer.

I almost didn’t have to answer his questions because there was a constant stream of people around Gus and the other dogs showing Yancy exactly what they do. From a staff member who’d had a rough morning, to an autistic boy in a wheelchair, to a family that had flown to California in support of a critically ill relative, all we heard were “thank you” and “this made my day.” It was like a collective sigh of relief.

Gus & New Buddy Yancy

 

 

 

 

 

Gus is Starstruck!

Sometimes the universe just validates our decisions. Recently I shared that I turned down the chance to throw out the first pitch at a Dodger game. To be honest, it was one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made, but turns out, it was probably one of the best. It would have been the chance of a lifetime but I really have no baseball skills.

THE DOODS She wonders why none of us fetch. We’ve seen her throw. It’s dangerous.

Coincidentally, a few days ago, the husband was watching a television program where they were showcasing some of the worst first pitches in history. One person bounced the ball. Another rolled it. Then there was the young woman who hit the cameraman with the baseball! I cringe to think that could have been me.

Then, as if I needed another sign, I met one of the greatest pitchers of all time. Gus and I were at UCLA helping out with a few special events. As we walked into the playroom at Mattel Children’s Hospital, we ran into a group of visitors.

In the center, towering over the others, wearing a baseball hat and a Dodger tee shirt, was none other than Clayton Kershaw! My first thought after, OMG that’s Clayton Kershaw, was thank goodness he had never seen me throw a baseball.

ELBEE I’m sure he would have been waiting anxiously for her to throw out the first pitch.

Gus, as you can see from this photo, looked at him with complete adoration. He looked at Kenta Maeda the same way. He truly has become such a Dodger fan. I managed to restrain myself and not say anything completely embarrassing. Even when I chatted with Kershaw’s wife for a few minutes, I didn’t point out that we were both named Ellen.

ELBEE Shocking.

STANLEY I don’t understand why I didn’t get to meet Kershaw. I love him.

I must admit that after meeting Kenta and Clayton and experiencing how nice they are, I feel personally involved when I watch the games, almost maternal. My friend Donna, whose Bichon Tommy is Gus’s buddy, has the same issue.

ELBEE Some would call it stalkerish. And I love how she’s on a first name basis.

When I thought the whole crazy experience couldn’t possibly get any better, I found out that after Gus and I left, Clayton commented how true it was that some people really look like their dogs. Then someone told him that Charley and I were in I Love You Man. He knows about my movie stardom.

ELBEE Stardom? I don’t know how much more I can take. What she doesn’t share with many people is that she and poor Charley were on the gag reel. It was totally not his fault. Come to think of it, it’s a good thing she wasn’t on the bad pitch reel. We never would have heard the end of it.