Ellen Morrow – Page 37 – Me and the Doods.com

No One Does a Guilt Trip Like a Dog

There are Jewish guilt trips and Catholic guilt trips, but there is nothing quite like a dog guilt trip. Some people say that dogs don’t have a sense of time. They don’t know if you’re gone for ten minutes or ten hours. I’m seriously beginning to doubt that. When I return from an errand or two the Doods are mildy excited. When I have the nerve to leave them for a few hours, I hear about it.

THE DOODS In our defense, not that we need one, does anyone tell us where they’re going or when they’ll be back. We can’t exactly prepare meals and organize entertainment.

If I leave town for a few days, when I get home the dogs act as if I had abandoned them. They alternate between hysteria and pouting. Charley, who is usually the voice of reason in the pack, starts barking so much that I’m afraid to imagine what he’s saying.

CHARLEY Am I being mocked for showing genuine concern?

Recently as I was getting ready to visit two of the grandkids, oh yes a daughter and her husband too, in northern California, I realized something. As soon as my little blue suitcase came out, the Doods started pulling attitude. I was afraid they were going to stowaway in my luggage.

When I got home a few days later, they carried on like never before. They’re masters of the guilt trip but this was over the top even for them. As crazy as it sounds (no comments from the daughters please) I’d even told them where I was going. They like the grandkids so I figured it wouldn’t be an issue.

THE DOODS Yes, we love the grandkids, even the one who screams every time she sees us, so that wasn’t an issue but we found out something shocking. Pack Leader had cheated on us. We were looking at the husband’s cell phone the night before when she was sending some photos. We were hoping we’d see the kids.

Do you see these? These are definitely not the grandchildren! The sheep and the cow are bad enough but it looks as if she developed some sort of personal relationship with a goat! A goat? Really?

For the record, the goat seemed to have a problem with his vision so I felt sorry for him. And yes, we bonded.

Gus and Tommy Make the News

Some of you, oh okay, anyone who’s ever met me knows that I can talk non-stop about the dogs. It’s probably why so many people encouraged me to write about them. They were hoping I’d shut up and stop talking about them.

A daughter, the one who is not a fan of the Doods, commented that I could turn any conversation around to the dogs. I told her it was a gift.

THE DOODS How can anyone not be a fan? Shocking!

Last week, as part of the People Animal Connection at UCLA Medical Center, Gus and I, along with his wingman Tommy and Tommy’s person Donna, were invited to be on the local news. They wanted us to share the amazing work that the dogs in the program are doing. I couldn’t wait. I had stories to tell.

When we arrived at the studio, we were treated like VIP’s. From the guard at the gate who gave me my photo ID to the receptionist who came out from behind the desk to say hello to Gus, everyone made us feel special. Even the on-air personalities were welcoming.

In the green room, yes the green room, we met up with Tommy and Donna, plus Kunal, the coordinator of PAC. It was there we found out that Kunal would be our spokesperson for the live broadcast. Oh no! Had my reputation preceded me? Did they know I was a yenta who could go on and on?

To his credit, Kunal did a great job. He answered the questions concisely and informatively. Gus and Tommy were also pros. They sat patiently in our laps ready for their close ups. I, on the other hand, practically broke out in hives not being able to add my two cents!

I felt a little better the next day when I ran into a few friends who were so excited to have seen us on TV that they didn’t notice I wasn’t saying a word. One of them even took screenshots.

If I’m being honest, this was probably better than when I gave an interview in Spanish on Telemundo. I’m sure that people are still pausing their recordings and laughing. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, check out my post “You Did What?” (11/7/16). And it sort of extends my fifteen minutes of fame again.

ELBEE If she brings out one more of those cheesy bodybuilding photos, I’m going to boycott her blog.

Thank You Doods

As the Doods and I begin the new year together, I want to take a moment to reflect on and celebrate some of the great work that they’ve done. I had been planning to write this at Thanksgiving but they were so out of control on the holiday that I couldn’t do it.

THE DOODS OMG We acted like dogs.

Charley and Gus became quite a team this past year. Charley, older and wiser now, can still rise to special occasions with Gus as his backup. Gus contributes the energy of a two year old along with an innate sweetness.

Together they brought comfort to the students and faculty at the candlelight vigil for the murdered UCLA professor. They spent a magical morning at an all inclusive camp for special needs children.

They taught an anti-bullying group from Compton about unconditional love.

The week before Christmas, Charley and Gus did a holiday “meet and greet” at UCLA Medical Center. With the dogs sitting in a toy car by the tree, a car which Charley later took for a spin, the mood in the lobby changed from somber to festive. Watching them weave their magic with patients, families and staff was a true gift of the season.

ELBEE Excuse me. What am I chopped liver?

I was just about to get to Elbee. He’s a bit of a diva and works better on his own. He thrives on the individual attention.

ELBEE I would object but she’s correct. I am rather fabulous.

One day as Elbee and I were waiting for the hospital elevator, I saw a woman pushing a wheelchair for her teenage daughter who had Downs Syndrome. After she assured me that her daughter liked dogs, I brought Elbee over to see her. As we approached, the girl got a huge smile on her face. After Elbee did a few tricks the smile grew from ear to ear. The only thing more beautiful was the look on her mother’s face.

On another occasion, a woman asked me to bring Elbee over to see her son who appeared to be severely disabled. Like the teenage girl, he was also in a wheel chair. I had no idea how much the young man understood, but as Elbee walked over and licked his hand, I said, “Oh he likes you. He’s kissing you.” It was then that the boy made a kiss toward the dog. If not for that interaction I would never have known that he completely understood what was happening. As Elbee waved good bye, the young man sent him another kiss.

As chief leash holder for the Doods, I have been privileged to see so many miracles, large and small. I never cease to be amazed at their intuition and their capacity for kindness and unconditional love, just like they showed the kids from Compton, the campers with special needs, the crowd in mourning and countless others.

Our Holiday Heroes

Yesterday, Donna, my fellow Yom Kippur felon (her words not mine, although I wish I’d said them) and I decided to take Gus and Tommy to UCLA to spread a little Christmas cheer.

GUS I was there on Yom Kippur but I’m innocent. Do I need a lawyer?

CHARLEY If you’re clueless about the Yom Kippur remarks, see Pack Leader’s October post, “Oy Vey.”

And it couldn’t hurt that Hanukkah and Christmas fell at the same time this year. I was thinking that it might give us some bonus points to make up for our non-observant Yom Kippur or anything else we may have done. Not to mention, what a great excuse for dressing up the dogs. They both look fabulous in red.

I also got a sign from the universe as I was heading to UCLA. The middle daughter, remember the one who likes the dogs, sent me a photo of a hair clip that she’d found while going through some old boxes. It had been given to her by my dearest friend Eileen on a Christmas long ago. As I shared in the Oy Vey post, Eileen passed away several years ago and way too young. With the sudden appearance of the clip, I could feel her smiling down on us.

This is a tough time of year for anyone to be in the hospital. For parents with a sick child it’s even more difficult. How great if we could bring them a few moments of happiness.

As we crossed the threshold into the hospital, the Christmas miracles began. Suddenly stress and sadness were replaced by smiles and laughter. When we finally made it up to Pediatrics and then the PICU, I’m not sure if the staff, the patients or their families were most excited to see Gus and Tommy. Countless times we heard the words, “This makes my day.”

From the toddler in her red Christmas dress to the little girl who had brain surgery, they momentarily put aside their pain and unhappiness to pet and hug the dogs. I wish I had the words to express how moving it was to see Gus or Tommy on the bed cuddled in a child’s arms. The only things more touching were the looks on their parents’ faces.

Although Gus and Tommy barely weigh 50 pounds between them, together they brought tons of holiday love to UCLA Medical Center. I hope Eileen is proud.

The Bowser

As Elbee and I were “making rounds” at Providence Hospital, a young man named Holden came running down the hall to ask if we would visit his younger brother. When we got to the room we met Fred and also their mom Amanda. Turns out that all three were total animal lovers!

With Elbee on the bed cuddled next to Fred, the hospital room seemed to disappear as we told stories and showed photos of our dogs. Both of the boys were planning to become veterinarians. Holden had even studied videos on You Tube so that he could deliver their dog’s puppies. Now that was impressive.

As I occasionally do when talking about the Doods, I mentioned that Charley was in the movie I Love You Man.

ELBEE Occasionally?? She has gotten more mileage out of that cameo than some actresses have gotten out of their Oscars.

Okay, so maybe I do drop it into conversation every chance I get, but their reaction was beyond anything that had ever happened before. The three of them stopped talking, stared at me, and then shouted “OMG you’re the bowser!” The level of excitement in the room skyrocketed.

ELBEE For those of you who have not seen her “blink and you might miss it” cameo in the movie, I’ll explain. Jason Segal’s character points at Pack Leader walking with Charley and calls her a “bowser,” his name for people who look like their dogs.

As I stood there in disbelief, thrilled that my 15 minutes weren’t up, Amanda started quoting lines from the film. A few years ago she had been very ill and feeling really down. A relative offered to bring her a movie that would cheer her up. That movie was I Love You Man.

As she watched it over and over, it became a big part of her healing process. She even showed it to the boys when they were old enough to see it. Our whole interaction was so much fun. For a brief period, the stress of being in a hospital was gone. I may have made their day but they definitely made mine. I was truly touched to have been a small part of something that was so significant to them.

Who Ya Gonna Call? Stress Busters!

When my cousin and I were in college at Syracuse University, we felt that final exams were the most stressful things that could possibly happen to anyone. When people would tell us to get a grip because those were the best years of our lives, we thought they were insane.

Apparently, Some things never change. Finals week at UCLA is as stressful as ever. But they have a secret weapon to combat the anxiety.

ELBEE Xanax?

CHARLEY Hot yoga?

No it’s not drugs or yoga. It’s therapy dogs! As part of the People Animal Connection, teams of dogs visit Powell Library to help everyone relax. Gus went in with his wingman Tommy, a Bichon, and Pierre a French Bulldog.

It was like magic when they walked through the door. The mood in the library immediately shifted from serious and somber to festive. Smiling students and faculty surrounded the dogs, hugging and petting them, taking selfies. There was a lot of laughter. No one was studying. Wait, is that a good thing?

Gus and Tommy also worked together on Yom Kippur, the day that Donna (Tommy’s person) and I decided that doing a good deed on the holiday outweighed traditional observance. We were a little short on atonement and fasting but very big on comforting people.

As I have shared, we survived the day without mishap. No lightening strikes. No plague. Not even a broken nail. I took that as a positive sign.

THE DOODS Really?!?

GUS What about me and Tommy? Does anyone realize that we’re both Jewish?

Earlier this year, Gus and Tommy attended a workshop together to get tips on being even better therapy dogs than they already are. Not their finest moment. It wasn’t that they were barking or carrying on. They just couldn’t seem to focus. They insisted on sitting on the table and were either chatting or falling asleep.

GUS and TOMMY You try sitting there for four hours!

Dogs Do It

I was the soul of discretion in my last post about the Thanksgiving chaos at our house. I left out a whole issue. I’m talking about humping, yes humping.

ELBEE Again with the issues. And why is humping an “issue?”

Nicole, the middle daughter and the one who actually likes them, opened that door. She shared a photo that lit up Facebook.

THE DOODS We have mixed feelings about this. We admit that we’re partly proud but also just a little embarrassed. Is there no privacy? We’re also confused. Why is Riley so disinterested?

RILEY Hey, I’m old. I have better things to do…like sleep.

My son-in-law Jay commented that he recalled my “well trained Doodles” humping Nicole and was curious about why I hadn’t included that in my Thanksgiving post. He also wanted to know if they encouraged that sort of behavior in the hospital. Come to think of it, I don’t know UCLA policy on dog humping. I also wonder if this once again puts me out of the running for mother of the year.

This is the same son-in-law photo bombing his wife Danielle in this picture, although it could easily be her sister Jennifer. They look a lot alike and feel pretty much the same way about the Doods. Well, Danielle is a little more tolerant although she did say, and I quote, “They were trying to attack me.”

THE DOODS Are you kidding?” Attack” is not in our vocabulary. To be fair, we may have been trying to hump her.

If I’m going to be completely honest, I did have a major humping episode with Charley during the filming of I Love You Man. Charley was having a diva moment and was shutting down, tired from all of his “fan” interaction.

The assistant director asked permission to get him fired up. Do you see this photo? That’s what happened. No, we were not dancing.

CHARLEY Excuse me, but where is the appreciation for getting her on the gag reel?

Thanksgiving is NOT for Sissies!

In the spirit of the season, I was planning to share my appreciation of the Doods and all of their hard work. Then Thanksgiving happened and gave new meaning to the word chaos.

Do you see this photo? That is definitely not me. I don’t know what Norman Rockwell was thinking but obviously he didn’t have Doodles.

But check out this photo of my family enjoying a lovely Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah right! Who are these people and what meds are they on?

THE DOODS We don’t like the direction that this is taking!

It started the day before Thanksgiving when my three year old granddaughter, the one who calls me “Grandma with the dogs,” arrived. She immediately decided she liked Charley and Elbee much better in photos than in real life. Apparently, in person they looked like huge, scary beasts. Gus, being small, made a more favorable impression.

CHAREY & ELBEE Isn’t that body-shaming not to like us because we’re large?

The Doods did nothing to help. They don’t like being ignored and take it personally if you don’t love them. They will make every effort to win you over.

On the day of Thanksgiving they seemed to be everywhere and hairier than usual. They enthusiastically greeted each person who arrived. They started doing tricks on their own. They sat and stared at people until they petted them. When we put them outside to keep them out of the way, they sat at the door and looked pathetic. Elbee did so much barking I’m surprised he didn’t lose his voice.

THE DOODS Hello?! We’re used to being the center of attention. That’s our job. And we resent the hair remark. We looked fabulous.

When my husband was carving the turkey, some juice ran over the cutting board and onto the floor. The Doods were all over it. Gus, short as he is, figured out how to get into a tall trash bag.

CHARLEY & ELBEE Way to go little guy. We’ve taught you well.

I admit that some of it, okay a lot of it, was my fault. They’ve had tons of training but I let it slide that day. With food and family and company, things got out of control.

THE DOODS At least she’s taking responsibility!

After everyone left, the Doods were worn out. They didn’t move for the rest of the evening. Just look at this photo of Gus and Charley.By the way, Elbee isn’t in it because he had to go to the ENT to check his throat after all the barking.

ELBEE Not funny, nor is this old picture!

Grandma with the Dogs

When I was a little girl, my uncle, who was prone to giving everyone nicknames, asked my younger brother what was the worst thing he could think of to call me. Fortunately, the worst thing he could come up with was “Watermelon.” I say fortunately because the name stuck. Looking back I realize that this uncle may have had issues. His name was Ibsen.

ELBEE Again with the issues. Last time she thought the rattlesnake had issues. I saw this t-shirt recently that I wanted to buy for Pack Leader. Unfortunately, I don’t have a credit card although I do enjoy window shopping.

Over the years I have had more than my share of nicknames. Elaine and Elliott, two of my closest friends in the world since we were kids in Syracuse, refer to me as “Jones.” None of us has a clue where the name came from.

THE DOODS Hello?! Shouldn’t a nickname have some significance?

“Dingbat” is the name I was given by Ray, my former bodybuilding partner and his wife Tammy. I call him “Musclehead” so I guess we’re even. My husband refers to me as the “little hulk,” another leftover from the 80’s.

CHARLEY I hate to say it, but aren’t they perpetuating bodybuilding stereotypes?

ELBEE I’m just surprised that she didn’t pull out a photo from the archives. Oops I spoke too soon.

GUS I am still so confused by these pictures. As for those tans, my fake one when I was running for mayor looked better.

Are the Doods planning to comment on every name I share? And remember they call me Pack Leader or P.L.

THE DOODS One of her friends picked that name. We’re a little disturbed by it. Do you think any self respecting dog would give that title away?

To continue, my friend who’s as tone deaf as I am (sorry Lillian) and I have given each other very special nicknames for obvious reasons. If we could sing we would have been on tour years ago. We also would have had Bob Mackie on speed dial. That is my alter ego on the left and Lillian’s on the right.

My three year old granddaughter always refers to me as “Grandma with the dogs.” Okay that’s not a stretch but whatever happened to nana or granny?

ELBEE Wait! She left one out. The daughters call her “Crazy.”

Excuse me, that is not a nickname.

I Love Rattlesnakes

I love rattlesnakes? Seriously? Do you think I’m insane? The daughters are not allowed to answer that question. Remember I’m the one who screamed and ran a half mile in the other direction the first time I ever saw one.

Over the years I’ve encountered so many that I’ve come to terms with them. I’ve even forgiven the one that bit me on the ankle. I don’t panic unless they’re coiled up or shaking their rattles at me. The other day when I was hiking, I saw one that obviously had issues.

ELBEE The snake had issues? Isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black?

I say it had issues because it was out crawling around on a cool morning. Apparently it didn’t get the memo that it was cold-blooded and not supposed to come out until it was warm. I considered taking a photo to show the grandkids but it slithered away before I could get a shot. It was probably going home to get a sweater.

ELBEE Is that supposed to be funny?

It reminded me of a time years ago when I was hiking with Cody, a Golden Retriever who pre-dated the Doods. Unlike the Doods and Riley, our Golden Retriever, none of whom know how to fetch, Cody was obsessed with retrieving. He would fetch until he dropped. If we were watching television, he would roll a tennis ball across the table for us to throw.

RILEY & THE DOODS Is there a point to this? Should we be offended?

As I was saying, I was hiking with Cody when a couple of inexperienced hikers came walking up behind us. Okay, I’m judging but they were carrying large cups of coffee from Starbucks and the woman was wearing a dress so you tell me. Then they asked me if I knew where the trail went.

Following us, they also wanted to know if there were any snakes. It was starting to warm up so I said there was a good chance. I also told them about Technu, a soap that would wash away all of the poison oak they had walked through in a nearby creek bed.

Sure enough, five minutes later there was a huge rattlesnake stretched across the narrow trail. Since there was thick brush on either side, there was no easy way around it. I told the coffee drinkers that we should just leave it alone and wait until it slithered away.

Instead, the man decided to throw a rock, not to kill it but to scare it away. Cody saw the flying rock and jumped over the snake to retrieve it! I yelled for him to stay. The “hikers” turned around and ran. Considering the coffee cups and the dress, they were surprisingly fast.

THE DOODS And you wonder why we don’t fetch.