Ellen Morrow – Page 39 – Me and the Doods.com

I Could Have Been a Contender

ELBEE Look at all of these trophies. Don’t I look fabulous with them? Hold your applause. I was set up by a certain Pack Leader. “Why” is a whole other issue.

I had my chance at glory a few years ago when she took me to agility class. I was a natural. I conquered every piece of equipment almost immediately. I ran through tunnels, flew through weave poles, jumped through tires. I started having visions of trophies and TV interviews. Then, a few weeks into class things changed.

OK, I admit that I may have ruined Elbee’s dreams of glory. At first it was going great. I just had to help him with the various stations and cheer him on. We were a team. Then I found out there were going to be two major problems.

First, I was going to have to run around the course with Elbee. As some of you know, running is against my religion. Second, I was supposed to memorize the course so I could lead him around as I was running. This was a recipe for disaster. My sense of direction is worse than my running.

THE DOODS She’s not kidding. When we walk in unfamiliar areas with her, we pee on trees so that we can find our way back.

When the time finally came, we were given ten minutes to memorize the course. I panicked. I’m more of a verbal than a visual kind of learner. Even when I did bodybuilding routines I had to write down every move.

Come to think of it, maybe that’s why I’ve never been asked to appear on Dancing with the Stars. It would take forever to teach me the routines because I wouldn’t be able to pick them up just by watching.

ELBEE Excuse me, Dancing with the Stars? I admit that sometimes I don’t recognize the “stars,” but Pack Leader had a cameo in I Love You Man. What is she thinking? And will you look at this picture. Charley should be on the show. His photo was in the table of contents of The Saturday Evening Post right below Dancing with the Stars! Coincidence? I don’t think so.

I’m sorry to say that Elbee and I became agility drop outs. Even the teacher was sorry to see us go because she got a big laugh out of watching me get lost on the course.

ELBEE For the record, P.L. became a drop out. I didn’t have a ride so I was forced to quit. The good news is that Charley and Gus backed me up and refused to ever watch an agility competition again.

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Aren’t You That Lady?

As a mother, especially as the mother of girls, I’ve always believed that you should have your own identity and not live vicariously through your children. Becoming a competitive bodybuilder may have been a little over the top but it certainly helped.

ELBEE Oh no, I can just feel it. Another photo is about to emerge from the archives. Wait for it. Wait for it…

ELBEE I told you!

CHARLEY OMG. Please tell me she isn’t drying her hair and flexing!

Living vicariously through the Doods is a completely different story. After a recent identity crisis when I was hiking alone and several people said they almost didn’t recognize me without the dogs, I realized that it was okay. Just about every time I go out without one of them I either hear, “Where are they?” or “Aren’t you the lady with the dogs?” Looking back, I don’t remember strangers asking, “Aren’t you the lady with the kids?”

Unlike the daughters who can go either way (just kidding girls, no need to sue), therapy dogs can only make you look good. Instead of guilt by association, it’s reflected glory. All I do is hold their leashes while they do all the work.

Without the dogs, the only times I ever hear the words, “bless you” are if I sneeze. Working with the Doods, I’ve heard them more times than I can remember.

When I tap on a patient’s door to see if they’d like a visit, they often look confused or not that excited to see me. When they realize I have a dog with me it’s a complete 180. Usually there’s a big smile and “yes, I’d love a visit.”

I don’t take it personally. After all, a rabbi at Providence Hospital told me they were his competition. Shameless showoff that I am, I had Elbee say his prayers for him.

And a spiritual leader looked very upset when she had to tell me that a patient wanted to see the dogs instead of her.

THE DOODS Can we help it if we have a gift?

We do have a bone to pick. (That expression always cracks us up). If one more person says that our hair looks just like Pack Leader’s, we may be the ones who have an identity crisis.

A Funny Thing Happened at the Drive-Thru

A few days ago I was at a trailhead waiting for a friend to go hiking. While I was standing there, I started chatting with a young woman who was also waiting for a friend. Turns out both of them were stuck in “back to school” traffic.

This lovely stranger and I got into a wonderful philosophical conversation about hiking. We shared stories, compared different hikes, and both agreed how spiritual and restorative it was to be out in nature. In short, we bonded. Soon after, my friend arrived so I said goodbye and started up the canyon. By the way this is only marginally a dog story.

Yesterday, after spending the morning with Elbee at an adult health center, I was driving home, made a wrong turn and passed a fairly new McDonald’s that I had never been to and had actually never even seen before. It was at least 15 miles from my house and nowhere near the area where I hike.

ELBEE Excuse me, wasn’t this post supposed to be about me and my great accomplishments not about me just sitting in the car. If I could get my license I would really branch out. And is there a point to this story?

I was tired from our morning at work, so with Elbee in the car, I headed to the drive thru for my guilty pleasure…McDonald’s mocha frappe. For what it’s worth, I get a small and leave off the whip cream but it’s like the energy drink of fast food. My son-in-law refers to it as my “crack.” I don’t even want to know what’s in it. By the way, there is a point to this story. I know if you’re like the daughters, you’re probably rolling your eyes by now.

Dealing with all of my guilt, I placed my order and drove up to the second window to pay. You’ll never guess who was behind the window. The young woman from the trail! We broke into huge smiles and greeted each other like long lost friends. It was a moment.

Talk about a small world. Call it synchronicity or serendipity, what are the chances?

ELBEE Call it boring. Aren’t I the real story here, even in these stupid glasses?

Nobody Likes a Bully

Charley and Gus have turned into quite a tag team. Just as amazing as their work at the UCLA candlelight vigil and at Camp JPAC was their visit with a group of 27 sixth graders from Emerson Elementary School in Compton, California. The kids were part of the Bullying Intervention Program, backed by UCLA Resnick Neuropsychiatric Hospital, L.A. county board of supervisors 2nd district and the Compton Unified School district.

ELBEE I hate to break the mood, but I am sick and tired of being left out. I’m going to have a heart to heart with her and make sure she shares my fabulous accomplishments. And is it so bad that I like to work alone? I’m a star.

The students were on a special field trip to UCLA. With their bus caught in the usual L.A. morning traffic, they were all a little stressed when they finally got to campus. That changed when the Doods pranced into the room. The mood turned to enthusiasm and positive excitement. When I looked around, all I saw were smiling faces. They were sweet, gentle and very polite as they petted and hugged the dogs. I heard later that the visit with Charley and Gus had set the tone for the entire day.

The kids listened intently as I talked to them about the People Animal Connection and the work of therapy dogs. They asked questions and told me about their pets. As I moved around the room, one little boy whispered that his sister had autism and that they were going to get a dog to help her.

They all looked surprised when I told them that Charley had been bullied. I explained that as big as he was, when we walked by a Starbucks in the neighborhood, small dogs would often lunge at him from under the tables and bark at him. They nodded in understanding when I said that he was afraid to go by. They seemed proud of Charley when I added that he had learned to handle it by ignoring them and walking away.

Can Dogs Do Laundry?

Walking with the Doods seems to unleash creativity. I’ve heard that it’s the rhythm of your steps that allows ideas to flow more freely. On the other hand, it could be that the dogs are a captive audience. They listen without judging.

CHARLEY I hate to admit this. We do judge but we talk among ourselves. We know that Pack Leader is a little sensitive.

The problem is that if I don’t stop to make notes on my phone, all of my brilliant ideas are long gone before I get to the car. The other day I was thinking, wouldn’t it be great if the Doods could take dictation. I could talk while I walked and they could get it all down.

ELBEE Hold the phone! I have a few things to say. First, I really hope that remark about “unleashes” wasn’t a play on words. That’s just embarrassing. Second, my phone comment was LOL. About the dictation thing, I’m speechless.

Then I thought, with all of their talents, I could really put the Doods to work. For instance, Charley and Elbee can “counter surf.” They stand on their hind legs, put their paws on the counter and walk around the kitchen. Fortunately, Gus is too short. Yes, I know it’s very bad behavior (one day they grabbed a whole chicken) but it’s kind of funny and could be helpful.

I mean look at these pictures of Elbee standing up to get something out of the sink. I wouldn’t expect him to cook but who’s to say he couldn’t wash dishes?

ELBEE Really? Wash dishes?? I watch the Cooking Channel so often I could probably win Chopped.

Gus has this habit of stealing my clothes out of the closet and hiding them behind the ottoman that we refer to as his “throne.” Maybe I could teach him to help with the laundry.

GUS It was bad enough when I was a puppy and PL took my picture in a shopping cart at Target, but in a laundry basket?

CHARLEY & ELBEE We feel for the little guy. We’re afraid he’s going to have a lot of emotional issues when he gets older.

And since they all love to pee on the grass and dig, why not have them garden?

THE DOODS Now she’s finally making some sense!

A Magic Morning

It seems that whenever I talk about the serious work that the Doods accomplish, I always mention feeling “privileged” to be a part of it. Yesterday morning was no exception when I took Charley and Gus to Camp JPAC. It’s the only summer all inclusion camp in Los Angeles for children with special needs as well as their “typically” developing peers.

Watching the kids interact with the dogs, it was almost impossible to tell those with disabilities from the others. They all cried out in delight when the Doods did their tricks and clapped their approval. At one point, I put treats in front of Charley and Gus and told them to “leave it.” Then I told the kids that when I raised my hand, they could let them have the treats by saying, “okay take it.” As soon as I gave the signal, they all shouted out together, giggling and smiling.

Smiles were a huge part of the morning. As groups of kids gathered around to hug and pet the Doods, I saw happy faces and heard lots of beautiful laughter. They shared about their dogs and had seemingly endless questions about mine. Several wanted to know if Charley and Gus could come back every day. It was an amazing scene of a little chaos, loads of enthusiasm and tons of love.

Perhaps one of the most moving moments took place in front of the camp. As we were getting ready to leave, a mom showed up to pick up her little boy, who I believe was severely autistic. She asked if we would wait for him because he had never seen a dog. When they first brought him outside, he wanted nothing to do with the dogs but with some gentle coaxing from his mom he put his hand on Gus and then on Charley. For whatever reason, it was my big gentle giant that he wanted to pet again. The people gathered around thought it was because of the texture of Charley’s coat. Part of me thought it was because of Charley’s healing magic.

The Birthday that Just Keeps on Giving

A few days after my “big” birthday, I received a card from my local councilman. Since this had never happened before, I wondered why the recognition. Was it my blog? Was it the Doods? Was it because I’m a model citizen?

THE DOODS We hate to burst her bubble but it was probably because she’s old or because he’s running for reelection.

Then a day later, I received another birthday surprise. The youngest daughter and the husband sent a gift box.

THE DOODS We all thought the gifts were hysterical. We hate to say it but sometimes we seem to have a more finely tuned sense of humor than Pack Leader.

First, following my up close and personal encounter feeding a squirrel out of my hand (for which you know I got a ton of static) was this t-shirt. Since the squirrel didn’t bite me and give me rabies, I think I may have earned the title.

20160724_101945_resized — Squirrel Whisperer

20160722_141123_1469301321579_resized — Elbee

ELBEE OMG I feel like one of those magazine comparisons of “who wore it best.” Is there any question with my fabulous hair and toned back?

The next gift was a water bottle that says, “KEEP CALM. HIKE ON.” Despite the fact that the daughters aren’t thrilled with some of my hiking adventures, I think this was a vote of confidence.

ELBEE Again with the sunglasses? PL needs to get some professional help for her obsession with putting these on us all of the time, although I do like the bottle.

After the bottle, I unwrapped a blogging organizer. They were referring to me as a real blogger. Awhile back, Nicole, the middle daughter, gave me a t-shirt that said, “World’s Greatest Blogger.” Hey that’s two out of three. The oldest still refuses to read my posts, but shares the photos so her friends can crack up at how much the Doods and I look alike.

20160722_141635_1469301228411_resized — Charley and pushy Gus

THE DOODS Coincidentally, the almost 12 year old son of the blog non-reader said something amusing to PL recently. He told her that blogging was so last season (our words, not his) and that she should be vloging, like she knows what that is.

THE DOODS The last present is brilliant. Kudos to the youngest daughter. This is so awesome we forgive her for accusing us of peeing in the living room. As if!

Bubbie, the Butt Burner and the Birthday

THE DOODS Pack Leader got up early today and went hiking alone…again. We knew it was her birthday and heard it was a big one but were afraid to ask a number, although we could make an educated guess. It was the only reason we let her dress us up.

CHARLEY I really don’t like to brag, but wearing this get up to make her happy proves I’m not just a therapy dog. I’m a saint.

ANONYMOUS I was trying to be a good sport but will you take a look at this photo. I really hope that my friends don’t recognize me. It’s embarrassing. And If this keeps happening, I’m going to have an identity crisis.

Oh and she said something about needing to prove that she could still make it up the “butt burner.” Give me a break. Some of you know that I was coerced into hiking it with her about a week ago. Oops I may have given myself away. Did she really get out of shape that fast?

CHARLEY Look what she did to little Gus. He thinks he looks cute. It’s just sad.

Yes, this was a big birthday. Big enough that my first senior discount is a distant memory. Big enough that when I was discussing gray hair and wrinkles with the daughters, it was about theirs, not mine. Big enough that when someone asked if I was 55, I shed a few tears of joy.

And yes, I got up early to hike. I knew I could do it but it was symbolic and life affirming. Wait, I don’t talk like that. What I meant to say is that it made me feel like the strongest bubbie on the block. I almost did a little victory dance at the top. Note to the daughters, I said “almost.”

I did ask a stranger to take a photo. And I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I shared that it was my birthday and even gave a number.

Elbee: I Am Never Hiking with that Lunatic Again

After getting so much static about hiking alone, I decided to quiet the naysayers by taking a Dood with me. Elbee seemed like the logical choice. Apparently not so much according to him. He has a few issues.

ELBEE The next time Pack Leader decides to go hiking alone, I’m just going to let her go. Charley’s too old and Gus is too little, plus he’s afraid of everything, so I get stuck.

To be honest, I enjoy hiking when it’s not hot out so at first it was fine. We were walking in a picturesque canyon. (My vocabulary is getting so much better thanks to Charley). Then it all fell apart. We started up this ridiculously steep trail called the “butt burner” which, by the way, was totally unnecessary because my butt is perfect and I have no body issues.

Oh and before I forget, do you see this hat? She thought it would keep the sun off of my face. Seriously? I look like the Queen of England. I refused to wear it.

I don’t mind a little exercise but if I wanted a personal trainer, I’d hire one. It was one steep hill after another. Each time I thought we were done, there was another one. Then I heard coyotes doing that fake dog barking in the distance to try and trick me. The foxtails were impossible. Plus I practically had to drag her up behind me.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, we had to stop and take a selfie. I only gave profile so hopefully no one will recognize me. I hate taking close up photos when I’m a hot mess.

Even though I was still pulling foxtails out of my paws, I will admit that I felt pretty good when we finally made it to the top. But as I was catching my breath and enjoying the views, She asked a complete stranger to take our picture. Still not my best, but at least it wasn’t a close up!

I’m a Yankee Goldendoodle Dandy

THE DOODS Let us make it clear that we are in no way responsible for the title of this post.

When the daughters were little we used to have big fancy gourmet picnics for the fourth of July. Just kidding! We’d actually grab some Colonel Sanders and an old blanket and go watch fireworks at a local college. They had sky divers, games, and a petting zoo so it was a pretty good celebration.

One year we decided to buck tradition and go to a stadium where Pat “April Love” Boone was singing. Unfortunately it was during his heavy metal phase! It was painful.

The only thing I really miss are the patriotic sing-a-longs with my dear friend Lillian. Neither of us can carry a tune but we’ll belt out “America the Beautiful” with the best of them as long as no one can hear us.

Lillian and I have five daughters between us. They should be relieved that neither of us can sing or we would have taken our act on the road years ago.

These days we’re happy to stay home with the Doods on the fourth. They’re afraid of all the noise and chaos so we keep them in the house and watch fireworks on tv.

ELBEE Excuse me, who says we’re afraid? Speaking for myself, I’m kind of an adrenaline junkie. I’m more afraid of her singing!

GUS Okay, I’ll admit it. All that noise makes me a little nervous. I’ve heard they have special calming vests but I don’t want to seem like a wimp.

CHARLEY What Pack Leader neglected to mention is that she jumped all over this holiday as an excuse to dress us up…again. As you may know, I’ve been in a few parades on the fourth and the costume was appropriate. But wearing it around the house is a little over the top for my taste.

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!