daughters – Page 4 – Me and the Doods.com

A Triple Header

ELBEE For the record, the last baseball triple header was in 1920!

Recently, with my growing Zoom expertise, I was excited to have Gus and Stanley do a virtual visit for some of the UCLA nurses. I confidently signed in and then it happened. I couldn’t unmute the sound. The nurses were very kind and acted as if they were happy just to see Gus and Stanley but I was embarrassed.

ELBEE It was an epic fail.

Very concerned because I had three meetings scheduled for this past Wednesday, I turned to my tech support team.

ELBEE That would be the youngest daughter, her four old and and her seven year old.

They did some trouble shooting and went so far as to set up a test Zoom conference. It seemed like things were back on track but I was still nervous signing in for our first Wednesday visit, the kids in the UCLA neuropsych units.

Sure enough, I logged in early and my computer started acting up again. Fortunately, Jen from the People Animal Connection helped me though it. By the time the kids joined us, I was talking loud and clear. The kids are so honest, I can only imagine if there were glitches. For instance, one little boy immediately wanted to know why Stanley’s beard was brown.

ELBEE I had the same issue when I drank water.

Our second meeting was with the Mattel Ambassadors Program, a wonderful group of about 50 teens interested in going into medicine. Three PAC teams plus some of the staff were there to talk to the kids about the work of the hospital therapy dogs. I was thrilled when it was my turn and they could actually hear me.

The third meeting was “yappy” hour. All of the PAC members (including dogs) are invited to a virtual cocktail party with drink of choice. It’s a great way to reach out while social distancing. It’s reassuring to know that we’re all is this together. None of us have been able to bring our dogs into the hospital since March. Just one more challenge in this time of challenges.

What better way to end this triple header of a day than with a Dodger game. It’s a crazy, shortened COVID-19 season, but it’s still a season. There are no fans in the stands, but for fans like me, watching the games on tv and hearing the reassuring banter of Orel Hershiser and Joe Davis brings a kind of normalcy. As a bonus, that night, the Dodgers beat the San Diego Padres 7-6.

The next morning, coincidentally, Vin Scully, long time announcer and one of my personal idols, was doing a spot on the radio. When he ended with his classic, “It’s time for Dodger baseball,” it bought a huge smile to my face.

A Belated Happy Fourth

Yes, I know that the Fourth of July was last week. I checked my trusty calendar and began a post that would have been more timely.

ELBEE She still has one of those paper calendars. You know that expression about old dogs and new tricks. I’ve always found that a little offensive but in this case it fits.

Then I got distracted by Gus’s fabulous In Touch magazine appearance as the doppelgänger of Brian May from Queen.

ELBEE I knew she’d find a way to bring that up again.

In the past, I’ve written about memorable Fourth of Julys. Some were celebratory. Some were beautifully traditional. Some were emotional. None were like this year.

When the daughters were little, there were homemade picnics, fireworks, skydivers and patriotic sing-alongs at the local junior college.

ELBEE Hello! Colonel Sanders is not homemade unless the Colonel is living at your house.

Ben Affleck in Pink Tee with Gus — **Ben Affleck (in purple tee) with** **Gus**

As part of the People Animal Connection at UCLA, the Doods and I have taken part in festive parades down Sunset Boulevard in Pacific Palisades. One year, caught up in the excitement, I didn’t even realize that Gus was walking with Ben Affleck.

For some reason 2017 was a special holiday. There was an amazing atmosphere at the parade. People seemed truly happy to be uniting in appreciation of America, celebrating our history and our freedom. There was a pervasive sense of patriotism, a sense that people wanted to reach out and connect with one another.

2018 was the most personally meaningful Fourth that I’ve ever experienced. At the time, my dear friend Roberta, who has now passed, was bravely battling a brain tumor. An inspiration in my life, she loved the dogs and found comfort in their presence. We went to her house and did a parade just for her.

As for this year I’m almost speechless.

ELBEE So am I.

How do you celebrate our nation’s birthday in the midst of a pandemic? Parks and beaches were closed. With social distancing, parades and picnics were impossible. Local firework displays were cancelled except, apparently, for the illegal ones that began weeks before. I don’t know how that became a nationwide phenomenon.

**To my daughter Nicole on the front lines, thank you.**

As we watched fireworks on tv, many set to patriotic music, I thought about what was happening. I felt a tremendous sadness for the people who were ill or who were gone. I felt concern for all of our front line workers and first responders. I felt some fear about the future.

Underneath it all, I felt gratitude for the way that so many have come together. It’s not easy to wear masks, refrain from hugging each other or curtail normal activities but we do it. In a sign of caring, we have each others’ backs.

A special note of gratitude to Gus and Stanley. They have been there for me and the husband. They have given us comfort, made us laugh and provided unconditional love. Never have we felt luckier to have our own personal, hard working therapy dogs.

My Life Has Gone to the Dogs

A few months ago, right before COVID-19 took over, I started a post about my life becoming more dogcentric than ever. It was one of those overly committed weeks with hospital visits, the adult health center, special events. The rare times that I was alone, at least three people commented that they almost didn’t recognize me without the dogs.

ELBEE Not sure if “dogcentric” is a word but it should be.

Little did I know that the time spent with the dogs that week would pale in comparison to the new reality of the shelter at home orders. I don’t think that I’ve ever spent this much time with another living being. Not other dogs. Not my hamsters when I was a kid. Definitely not with people.

We’re together almost 24/7. Just me, Gus, Stanley and sometimes my husband. There’s lots of walking involved. We watch tv together. I share my deepest thoughts and look to them for emotional support when I’m down.

They don’t care if I cook. They like my sweats. They’re great listeners. They’re spotting me on my workouts although they are stealing my weights.

There have been memes, from a dog’s perspective, making fun of our sudden human neediness.

ELBEE I’m surprised she knew what a meme was.

GUS & STANLEY We didn’t mind the walks until the weather changed. Seriously, hats, glasses and masks?

The other day, I was chatting with a fellow dog lover about the comfort of sheltering in place with the dogs. She totally agreed. Her problem is that aside from the dogs, she is also home with three teenagers who constantly accuse her of loving the dogs more than she loves them. When I shared that years ago I’d written a post called “Top 12 Reasons Dogs Are Better than Children,” her response was “you could only come up with 12?”

ELBEE I think I love this woman.

I could truly sympathize. I remember a time in the distant past when my daughters were 13, 16 and 19. One was threatening to run away. I told them that if anyone was to take off it was going to be me. Being at home together for two months would have been insane. I think the dogs would have run away.

On the other hand, each time one of my daughters was old enough to fly the coop, I was a blubbering mess. The dogs helped me through, filling the void, sticking by my side.

Having dogs to fill the empty nest always seemed like a great idea. Who knew that in the midst of a pandemic it would be genius! I want to thank Gus and Stanley for helping us through the last couple of months. They have offered nothing but patience, love and the reassurance that one day everything will be okay.

Can Dogs FaceTime?

As if there’s not enough pressure with social distancing during the pandemic, we’re being advised to be social at the same time that we’re distanced. Experts keep saying that in order to ward off feelings of depression and isolation, it’s important to reach out to other people.

This creates another kind of pressure because in order to connect, unless you just want to talk on the phone, you have to be somewhat tech savvy. There are some who have issues with my peeps (yes, seniors) because we’re not up to speed. The other day I even heard a comment from someone who said that he had no patience with old people being so techno challenged.

ELBEE That was her four year old grandson Ryder.

My prior experience of any kind was occasionally FaceTiming with the daughters or grandkids. It was casual. It was fun. It wasn’t a “thing.” I figured I could get by with that. Gus and Stanley had even done it.

GUS & STANLEY We enjoy FaceTiming

Then UCLA started sending out e-mails about virtual dog visits on something called Zoom. The only Zoom I’d ever heard of was the Zoom Room, a doggy exercise place. I was pretty sure that wasn’t what they were talking about. I wanted to help but I was hesitant. How would I join a Zoom meeting? How would the dogs participate? Would I need hair and makeup?

When Ursula and Robbie, two of my favorite therapists from the neuropsych units, reached out, I decided to give it a try. I asked a few very patient friends from the People Animal Connection to help me with some casual practice. I worked on logging in, camera angles, placement for Gus and Stanley.

ELBEE Casual practice? Camera angles? It was like she was auditioning for a movie.

On the big day, semi-prepared, I logged in for our visit. I was so excited when Ursula’s masked face actually showed up on my computer screen. The virtual visit with the kids in her unit was really happening.

Apparently, Gus and Stanley were excited too because they started competing for attention. When Gus danced, Stanley did his peek-a-boo trick. As Gus waved, Stanley jumped in the air. This whole show continued when Robbie joined us with the kids in her group.

Between the dogs leaping around and my asking every two seconds if the kids could see them, it was slightly chaotic. On the bright side, there was a little applause during the few times that I managed to get the dogs in the right place.

There was also laughter. I’m sure that my not being exactly tech savvy was very entertaining for a bunch of undoubtedly tech savvy pre-teens and adolescents.

Accentuate the Positive

ELBEE Something about the title of this post made me want to sing along. Then I realized she’d stolen it from a classic song written by Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer in 1944.

CHARLEY Where does he come up with this stuff? I was the smart one before we moved up here.

The first positive news is that I haven’t been arrested or fined $1000. The mountains, my sacred place, have been closed due to the pandemic. I have tried to do my part by respecting the rules and not sneaking up there.

A few weeks ago I took a photo of the Doods next to a sign that first announced the closure. The new warning is a lot more emphatic, possible six months in jail emphatic, plus there’s police tape blocking the entrance to the trails.

ELBEE The thought of the daughters seeing her in handcuffs is just too much.

To make up for the restrictions, I started exploring different neighborhoods with Gus and Stanley. I was delighted to find so many small positive things that lifted my spirits.

GUS & STANLEY Not to break the mood but she also got us lost when she was exploring some of those neighborhoods.

A few times on quiet residential streets, when families walked by on the other side, small children called out to the dogs. Since I couldn’t bring them over, I had Gus dance and wave and Stanley play peek a boo. One little girl in a stroller clapped and giggled “bow wow.” Older kids laughed and waved back.

I saw a huge Laker sign on a house. How great that fans are still showing their love even those this magical season may be gone.

Someone else had put up this simple message by the mailbox.

A few homes even had Easter decorations. This holiday is very different from from those in the past but it gave me hope to see that people were celebrating.

ELBEE Isn’t the Easter bunny an essential service?

I think what I enjoyed most was the chalk art that has sprung up on so many sidewalks. Games of hop scotch have been replaced by messages of humor, support and appreciation.

I thought this one was perfect for the youngest daughter who’s home with her four year old and six year old. Even though she’s a teacher, it’s different when your students are still there at bedtime.

These two made me laugh out loud and think about my outfit. Yes, I was wearing sweats.

The outpouring of support for doctors and nurses touched my heart, especially since the middle daughter is still on the front lines as an ICU nurse.

It was also very moving to see neighbors supporting neighbors and strangers alike. In this often dark time how beautiful to see these displays of kindness and caring.

Shouldn’t, Couldn’t, Wouldn’t

In this time of crisis, I thought that it might not be appropriate to write my posts. Then I was afraid I couldn’t or wouldn’t. Well here I am, doing it anyway.

ELBEE That’s a shocker.

A few friends asked me to keep up with my posts because they needed that brief break from reality. Wait, my posts are reality.

ELBEE That’s up for debate.

Like so many others, I haven’t quite been able to wrap my head around what is happening in our world. Not to minimize the pain and suffering associated with COVID-19, but daily life has changed drastically.

We are all spending the majority of time at home. The sports schedules are blank. Schools and businesses are closed. The husband went to the market at 7:00 this morning during “senior happy hour,” hoping to get a few essentials.

ELBEE She forgot to mention that in a few more weeks we’re going to know everyone’s real hair color.

Thank goodness for family, friends, the mountains and the Doods. They have been my support. They have kept me grounded.

The daughters check in by text and phone but it’s hard not to be able to see them or the grandkids. Kudos to Nicole, the middle daughter, who is an ICU nurse on the front lines. Her courage amazes me.

I am grateful for the calls and messages from friends. Their caring touches my heart. Their humor brings much needed laughter.

The mountains, as always, are my refuge, my sanctuary, my spiritual place. There are a lot more people up there than usual but everyone is being respectful of social distancing.

This week, on a gorgeous day between rain storms, I was hiking with my friend Shelli. With the views and the spring flowers, it was hard to believe what was happening down below. We took these photos to capture some of our joy in the moment.

ELBEE Why does Shelli have a normal picture while someone else is doing a double biceps?

Last but not least, Gus and Stanley aren’t going into the hospitals so the husband and I each have our own personal therapy dogs. They follow us around the house, kind of like stalkers, in a good way. As my friend Alice said, she and her dog have become unusually close.

Seriously, they have offered unconditional love and acceptance. Delighted that we’re home, they’re content just to sit by our sides or watch me write. They bring a calm presence that overcomes anxiety. They don’t judge or ask why, they simply comfort.

November 23rd

November 23rd is a very important date.

CHARLEY I pride myself on being quite the history buff but that doesn’t ring any bells.

This year it was the fourth anniversary of Gus passing his Pet Partners test with a perfect score, the first step in his therapy dog journey. That meant so much to me because the family who had to rehome him as a puppy simply asked me to give him a good life.

It was also Stanley’s year and a half birthday.

ELBEE Excuse me. His half birthday?

It’s hard to believe he was that little puppy who fell asleep in my lap the first day I met him.

Not only is he physically large, but he has developed a huge personality. Stanley does drama. If he gets a leaf or heaven forbid a twig on his paw when we’re walking, he throws himself down on the sidewalk.

ELBEE He’s a regular Sarah Bernhardt.

I know you must be thinking that I have an incredible memory to recall the dates of these events.

ELBEE Oh yes, that’s just what we were thinking.

The real reason November 23rd means so much to me is because it’s my grandson Ryder’s birthday. I was driving to Gus’s testing at UCLA when I got the exciting news that Ryder had arrived.

CHARLEY I believe what she just did is called burying the lead.

ELBEE And she’s still desperately hoping for grandma influencer? I have a better chance of getting sainthood.

Ryder was born with Hirschsprung’s disease, a complicated illness that in simple terms causes severe intestinal dysfunction. He has been in and out of the hospital so many times that I’ve lost count. But what a little fighter!

Danielle and her husband Jay, whom we adore despite his being a cat person, have fought for him every step of the way. Through every difficult moment they have offered love and strength. With endless determination, they have found him the best medical care. At only six years old, his big sister Bella has developed true compassion.

Despite still having some health issues to deal with, Ryder has come so far. His birthday party was a true celebration of his turning four. More importantly, it was a celebration of his resilience, his energy, his joy. He’s in constant motion, talks non-stop and is into everything. In short, he’s just what a four year old boy should be. As a bonus, he’s also funny.

ELBEE I’m sure she thinks he gets that from her side of the family.

My Dogs Are “Spoilt”

Recently someone sent me this Spoilt Pet Test. I immediately had an issue with the word “spoilt.” Hey, once an English major, always an English major.

CHARLEY Again with the issues.

ELBEE She googled it! Can you believe?

Yes, I googled it. For those of you who share my concern, some sources said that either was correct but when in doubt to use “spoiled.” Interestingly, another source stated that “spoilt” was the preferred choice in England.

CHARLEY That’s ironic.

The quiz was a no-brainer. I don’t need a test to tell me that my dogs are spoiled. Look at the first statement, “Your pet is allowed to sleep in your bed.” Stanley and Gus have taken over the bed.And they’ve also taken over the sofa.

GUS AND STANLEY We were on guard duty.

Not only have I refused to move if they’ve fallen asleep on me but my foot has fallen asleep because they were on it. Of course they get Christmas presents although I’ve fallen down a little on the birthdays. Yes, I sign cards from them.

We recently cancelled a trip, partially because of them. As for greeting them first, who else runs to the door with tails wagging?

ELBEE Certainly not the daughters

Actually, the quiz doesn’t go far enough. My hair products are in one drawer. Their hair products fill three baskets. The Doods have a chauffeur, that would be me. Also a full time maid who would also be me. Not to mention a personal chef.

ELBEE Putting packaged food in a bowl is not cooking.

On the other hand, the dogs would ace a “Spoilt Human Test.” They’re my constant companions when I’m home. They’re happy with whatever program I put on tv. They’ve become total Dodger fans.

When the husband and I are tired, they lay by our sides. They let us know when someone is walking by the house and when they’re gone. They make us laugh with their antics. When I’m sad they lean against me until I’m comforted.

At work they take my breath away. As a former sceptic, I never take it for granted when they show me miracles. I’ve seen people forget their pain, even if only for a few moments. I’ve witnessed clinically depressed people smiling for the first time in weeks. I’ve seen a schizophrenic little girl hug the dogs and tell them that she loved them. I’ve watched patients emerge from the haze of dementia or catatonia in response to the dogs.

I may wait on them hand and paw but I am happy to do it. They give me strength, a sense of purpose and joy. I don’t mind spoiling them because nobody spoils me the way they do.

Say “Cheesy”

Before I get to the main topic, the dogs’ photo shoot for the People Animal Connection calendar, I need to vent about a more sensitive issue…aging. When Gus and I were at UCLA this week, one of the therapists and I started chatting about age. She was feeling old but felt much younger when I admitted how old I was. She was kind enough to say that she’d had no idea.

A short time later, Gus and I were visiting with a group of kids in the neuropsych unit when a very quiet withdrawn little girl suddenly began talking to me quite earnestly. She told me about a skin remedy mixing blue berries with yogurt. In the past, someone had told me that blueberries helped with tear stain on dogs so I foolishly assumed she was talking about Gus. She said, “No, I meant for you.”

ELBEE I can’t stop laughing.

I have one more issue to discuss.

CHARLEY Yes, I’m here with Elbee and let me say it’s so great to have him home. However, I can’t believe she’s still having all these issues.

Someone on the news said that there are so many seniors in this country now, they’re referring to us as the “silver tsunami.” I’m not sure how I feel about being compared to a natural disaster.

ELBEE So far I love this post.

Picking up my reading glasses and moving on, the photo shoot was last Sunday. Gus is a pro but it was Stanley’s first time. I confess that I’m still a total stage mother. They had costumes for the dogs but where were hair and makeup?

I also admit that I told my daughter and granddaughter they couldn’t come up to visit that day because the dogs had the photo shoot? Is that so wrong?

ELBEE No, that’s awesome!

Gus and Stanley were dressed in Christmas regalia for December. I’m not quite sure about that large thing on Gus’s head but he was such a good sport. Stanley got off easy with a cute sparkly headband and red and green collar.

After the calendar pictures, Stanley had to sit for his UCLA trading cards. It was an emotional moment for me because Julianne, the photographer, has also taken pictures of Charley, Elbee and Gus, maybe under the same lights. It brought back memories.

Stanley still had one more to go. For his final shot of the day, he had to pose with yours truly because a picture of the team goes on the back of each card. At first he was such a trooper and stayed patiently at my side.

ELBEE I can feel his embarrassment.

After a few more minutes, however, he was totally done and sprawled out on the floor. He looked so comfortable that I decided to join him.

ELBEE & CHARLEY We’re split on whether this was cute or just sad.

Happy Birthday Stanley

It’s hard to believe that Stanley turned one this week. I’m having such guilt about not throwing him a party but I did sing “Happy Birthday.” The only problem is that the way he was staring at me and tilting his head back and forth, I think I may have been hurting his ears.

It seems like just yesterday that I was falling in love with the tiny puppy cuddled in my lap. Now I could probably fit in his lap

GUS Do dogs have laps?

ELBEE No they don’t.

Watching him go through different ages and stages has been a fascinating journey. I don’t remember the other Doods changing so much from month to month. It’s probably because I’ve been writing about him. Let’s be honest, if I didn’t have baby books for the daughters and they asked me trick questions like “at what age did I walk?” I’d have to make up the answers. Just kidding.

ELBEE Way too much oversharing. Not kidding.

GUS Do I have a babybook?

There have always seemed to be two Stanleys, the sweet well behaved one and the totally trying one. From toddler to teen, he could be cuddling one minute and then carrying on like a silly puppy the next. At one point, when he was being disruptive in class, I even asked the trainer what was wrong with him and she replied, “Oh he’s a teenager.”

I’m not saying he’s perfect, far from it, but the last month or so has been a real calming period which is fortunate because he is a big boy! He plays beautifully with Gus and Elbee, seeming to realize that his size can be intimidating. He follows me and the husband around the house, just wanting to be near us. When we come home, he’s the picture of sheer quiet joy, no mouthing, no barking.

When we’re out walking, he’s showing more impulse control. I can see there are times when he’s ready to jump on someone but then somehow stops himself. We met a woman in a wheelchair and he just leaned against her while we talked.

On the other hand, he is a huge attention seeker. If I start to brush one of the other two, he will push them out of the way so that I’ll brush him. If someone is not giving him the attention he thinks he deserves, he has a ridiculous go to move. He starts spinning around yanking on his own leash, or on Gus’s if he’s with us. Unfortunately, it works. People usually start laughing and are immediately engaged.

I was afraid I had another diva in the making but I suddenly realized that he was the definition of a ham, someone who says and does silly things to get attention. I confess, he gets it from my side of the family.

His namesake, my brother Stanley, was a ham in the very best sense of the word. Whether it was an audience of two or two hundred he would have them eating out of his hand. My father was the ultimate ham. When I was a little girl we’d spend summers at my grandparents’ hotel in the Catskills. My dad would emcee the shows and entertain the guests. He was that guy…the one everyone knew and loved.

When, with luck, the day comes that Stanley is a therapy dog, being a ham may be a good thing. He can shower people with love and kindness and then leave them laughing.