Grandmothers – Page 2 – Me and the Doods.com

An Inconvenient Necessity

For me, like for so many others, coping with the normal day to day activities is difficult enough during this pandemic. Then, on top of it all, a necessary inconvenience popped up to make it even more challenging. My driver license was going to expire! They gave me an automatic extension, but it wasn’t going to last forever.

You may be thinking, no big deal, just do it on line. The problem is that when you’re a person of a certain age, you have to make a guest appearance at the DMV, pandemic or no pandemic.

ELBEE Guest appearance?

Realizing there could be a written test, I got hold of the California Driver Handbook and glanced through it.

GUS & STANLEY Glanced through it? She almost forgot to feed us for two days.

ELBEE Her grandson Ryan is getting his license soon and she tried to get him to form a study group.

I made an appointment to renew my license which fortunately put me in a much shorter line when I arrived at the DMV office. A security guard was doing his best to keep things light as he was socially distancing everyone.

We were all in masks, so he’d ask the “guy in the Dodger hat” to move left or the “woman in the pony tail” to step back. All of a sudden, glancing at me, he started to tell someone to stand behind the “older,” and was about to say “woman,” caught himself and said “attractive blonde.”

ELBEE Is that a bad news/good news story.

Once inside, things went smoothly. I was directed from station to station, filling out the necessary paperwork. Still nervous about the written test, I got the news that made my day. Due to all of the temporary DMV closures that had taken place, they weren’t giving the test.

I also picked up some helpful information. I was getting my real ID too and had brought tons of paperwork to prove who I was and where I lived. The woman behind the counter looked at my cable TV bill, leaned in and whispered, “you’re paying way too much.”

There was one more major hurdle before I was home free, the dreaded photo. Not only was it years since I’d had my license picture taken but I’d been wearing a mask all morning. Need I say more.

I was going to ask if they provided hair and makeup but judging by the attitude of the person with the camera, I didn’t think that was going to cut it. I gave it my best shot, left with my temporary license in hand and tried to forget about it.

Problem is, the new license with the new photo arrived in the mail a week later. It now identifies me and I have to live with it. Fortunately, I don’t get carded very often.

ELBEE Wonder if she knows it’s illegal to try and superimpose her old photo on her new license?

The Pandemic Made Me Do It

In last week’s post, I was kidding about trying out for America’s Got Talent, but it barely raised an eyebrow. One or two friends even suggested that I should look into the application process.

ELBEE Really? They’re encouraging her?

They thought Gus would be perfect. He’s adorable, does tricks and was humoring me when I bench pressed him. The problem was that during our Zoom visit, when I showed the photo to the teens in the neuropsych unit, a very honest audience, they thought we were doing yoga. One of the therapists even said it looked like goat yoga. There was no applause. There were no gasps of surprise.

GUS Goat yoga?

I realized that if I was really going to audition for AGT, I’d have to step up my game. The bodybuilding/dog act wasn’t going to cut it. I’d have to go bigger. What if I went for a strength/danger act. Personally, I can’t watch danger acts like sword swallowing but they seem to be very popular.

ELBEE I’m speechless which is rare.

Then it dawned on me. I could bench press Stanley. To be honest, I think the pandemic is making me more creative. These great ideas suddenly come to me.

ELBEE What I think is that she’s bored.

I admit that as I write this, the Stanley/strength act is still in the planning stages. The husband is afraid I could tear my rotator cuff which is where the real danger element comes in.

For the daughters, who were sure they’d seen it all when I blew kisses from the stage in my Ms.Venice Beach days, this would be totally out of left field. What a gift to be able to shock my grown children.

I’ve never written a post where, half way through, I really didn’t know if the ending I was hoping for was possible. Could I bench press Stanley? Could I do it without having to call the paramedics?

I am so happy to share that the answer is a resounding yes!” I admit that I didn’t do reps. It was a one and done, but heres the proof.

Stanley’s legs are so long, it’s hard to see that he’s in the air so the husband took photos from two angles. I don’t think he could quite believe what I was doing or that I’d convinced him to go along with it.

The best part is that no dogs or old people were injured during the performance. We’re ready for the big time. America here we come.

CHARLEY I’m concerned.

Grandma’s Got Talent

Hiking with some friends one morning this week, we got on the topic of marathons and other long distance events. I shared that several years ago I had done the Avon 3-day breast cancer walk from Santa Barbara to Malibu. I can’t even remember the last time I’d even thought about it.

In a crazy coincidence, that afternoon a friend who was going through old files, like so many during the pandemic, texted me a photo from the finish of the event. It was a thank you I’d sent to people who had helped with fundraising. By the way, I’m smiling in this picture because it was before my legs totally cramped up.

In another sort of coincidence, my oldest daughter sent me a link to an act, or as she called it, “a non-act,” on America’s Got Talent. What are the chances it was a female bodybuilder who was my age?

ELBEE That is a terrible coincidence segue.

I’m sure it was meant as a preemptive strike. My daughter was afraid I might have seen the woman and started getting big ideas. As the oldest, she has the most vivid and in her mind the most embarrassing memories of my bodybuilding competition years.

The woman looked great for a senior, right down to her tan and her print bikini. The problem, well one of the problems, was that she kept running around doing double biceps poses, pointing and yelling “pow.” I was kind of horrified.

ELBEE I’d say she was kind of jealous.

I immediately texted my daughter that I could do so much better. I’d include Gus and Stanley and have a combination bodybuilding/dog act. If I could tell a joke or two, it’d be a trifecta. She was not in the least bit surprised.

ELBEE Neither was I

Of course I was kidding, sort of, but visions of costume changes and funny poses with Gus and Stanley started dancing in my head. Could all of those push-ups I’ve been doing lately pay off?

STANLEY She’s been taking photos in the closet with the good lighting.

I’ve been watching the show, scoping out the competition. It’s become a guilty pleasure like the Hallmark Channel. There was a little girl with a dog act and there were some acts for strength and balance but none with my winning combination.

ELBEE Shocking

I actually came up with an exciting pose for the finale. I’d bench press Gus.

GUS Is it too late for me find a new home?

Even better, I’ve noticed that the judges are much slower to press the loser button for old people. I could have my big tv moment under the lights before anyone realized what was happening.

GUS & STANLEY We’re calling our attorney.

Let’s Get Physical

This post was originally going to be called “Push-ups in the Age of Pandemics,” but something made me change my mind.

ELBEE You’re welcome.

I think I’ve done more push-ups in the past few months than the average prisoner. I’ve probably done more than I have in the rest of my life. As an athletically challenged nerd growing up in Syracuse, I don’t think I’d ever heard of one, let alone done one. I’ve definitely done more than the average grandma. Note to self: Does the Guinness Book of Records recognize most consecutive push-ups by a grandma?

As a exercise aficionado since the early 80’s, I was selfishly devastated when the gyms closed because of the pandemic. I had to do something.

ELBEE Exercise aficionado? I believe the expression she’s looking for is “gym rat.”

Push-ups are a great upper body work out. You can do them anytime and you don’t need equipment. Best of all, you can do them anywhere.

Although I’m definitely not good about working out at home, I started doing push-ups during commercials on the Hallmark Channel, my antidote to reality. Gus and Stanley found it quite entertaining.

GUS & STANLEY We’re so confused.

Then I had a better idea. I have done an occasional push-up while hiking in the Santa Monica mountains so why not add a few more. At first I tried to do them when no one was around but then, inspired by the views and the freedom, I just decided to go for it.

A lot of people enjoy exercising in the mountains so there is much less judgment. No one laughed when they happened to see me.

ELBEE At least not out loud

Last week, despite the July heat and the disapproval of the daughters, I went on my traditional challenging birthday hike. I added lots of push-up and was feeling pretty proud of myself until I got the dreaded “Good job. You can do it,” compliment from a young hiker.

In the face of COVID-19 we’re all looking for ways to cope. My mountain work outs have helped me meet the challenge of these impossible times.

I’m in one of my favorite places, exercising and enjoying the comforting embrace of nature. Doing push-ups on an outcropping of rock with incredible views lets me experience a combination of strength and peace. For a few moments it takes me away from all of the craziness, stress and sadness.

ELBEE Sorry, but doing push-ups in the middle of the mountains is its own kind of crazy.

Masks…an Inadvertent Legacy?

Both of my grandmothers were gifted seamstresses. Lillian, my paternal grandmother did it professionally. Living in Syracuse, she even sewed for the wife of the chancellor of the university. That may not sound like a big deal but in “Orange Country” that’s like sewing for the First Lady.

In my unsuccessful search for a certain photo of her, I was amazed to find this business card with May 1950 scrawled on the side.

I still have an image of her sitting at her sewing machine table in a “proper” dress that she’d crafted herself, and size 4 high heels. Her long gray hair was twisted in a bun held with tortoise shell pins. Her pince nez glasses were perched on the end of her nose. In the side drawer of the table were Silver Mint candies for the grandkids to find.

I inherited no talent from either grandmother. Reattaching a loose button is a challenge for me.

ELBEE I’ve seen it. It’s sad.

In my college days I gave knitting a shot. So many people were doing it and told me it was relaxing. They lied. I tried making one of those two color scarves that people wear to sporting events. It ended up being four stripes wide.

My cousin Janet, on the hand, inherited the sewing and crafting genes from Grandma Lil, who was actually her aunt. She knits, crochets, quilts and sews.

Shortly after sheltering in place began and masks were strongly suggested whenever you couldn’t practice social distancing, I received a package from Janet.

STANLEY I really don’t understand social distancing.

I opened it to find the most perfect gift…protective masks. As far as protective masks go, they’re fabulous. Constructed out of pretty fabrics in bright colors, Janet has even personalized some of them. Mine, of course, have dogs on them…and at the moment dogs in them.

The best part is that they’re simple to use. I admitted in an earlier post that I was having an issue with the strings on the paper surgical masks. Taking one off and then trying to tie it back on again made it impossible to sneak a snack when I was grocery shopping.

With the ones Janet sent me, all I have to do is hook an elastic over each ear. What could be easier?

ELBEE I shouldn’t say this but when has that ever stopped me. I’ve noticed that as people age their ears get larger so this was a no brainer.

Janet told me it was her love of fabrics, something she’d inherited from Grandma Lil, that initially inspired her to make the masks for friends. It had grown from there.

My grandmother wasn’t alway open about sharing her feelings, but I know that somewhere she is looking down and is very proud of what she inspired.

ELBEE She is also wondering why a certain someone is wearing her pince nez glasses.

My Gratitude List (In No Particular Order)

For many years, the mountains have been my spiritual, creative space, my sanctuary. Recently, climbing up a steep trail on a magnificent winter morning, I was overwhelmed with a sense of pure gratitude. When I reached the top, the spectacular ocean views took my breath away.

ELBEE The steep climb may have been what took her breath away. She’s no spring chicken.

The view, and also some guilt, inspired me to write this post. On Thanksgiving, during the five minutes that we sit around the table before total chaos erupts, my granddaughter Samantha likes us to share what we’re grateful for. Being put on the spot, I’m incapable of expressing my gratitude and instead end up laughing hysterically.

Two of my thank you’s are bittersweet. The first is to Riley our loving, beautiful Golden who left us last year. He was the voice of reason in a house full of Doodles.

The second is to Elbee, yes Elbee, who also left us last year. Character that he was, he did such incredible work. He also inspired my voice with his. Which reminds me, I think I’ve found his spirit animal.

ELBEE I am truly touched.

It’s a raven that follows over head when I’m hiking alone and never shuts up.

ELBEE I take it back.

To all my Doods, thank you for guiding me on this therapy dog journey which is now in its fourteenth year. Charley, you trained me. Elbee you challenged me.

Gus you are a bundle of sweetness. When your first family had to find you a new home, the mom said to me, “I want you to give him a good life.” You have made my life better.

Stanley you are a lovable goof who is growing into the job. You often surprise me…usually in a good way.

I am grateful for the friendships in my life. Thank you to my long time friends whom I may not see often but who are always there for me. Thank you to the friends I see more frequently for your support and understanding. You keep this insecure writer going. Thank you to my mountain buddies. I may not know your names, but I treasure the camaraderie when we meet on the trails.

I want to include a special note of appreciation to the nurses, doctors, therapists, and other hospital staff. Many of you go as far back as Charley. You have taught me so much about kindness, compassion and healing.

Last, but absolutely not least, thank you to my wonderful family for laughing at me and for making me laugh. You are my joy, my heart, my lifeblood. I love you more than words can express.

ELBEE Hey, last is still last.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM ME AND THE DOODS!

Chaos in the Conversation Pit

This year we had our usual non-Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving. Instead of lingering around a beautifully set table, here we are hanging out in the conversation pit with hundreds of Lego pieces and who knows what else on the floor.

There is a common thread that runs through all of our Thanksgivings. The usual holiday chaos is amped way up with the mix of grandkids and dogs. Sadly Riley and Elbee left us this year but Gus and Stanley more than did their part. They are Doodles and Doodles do not like to be ignored.

Ten year old Samantha actually has no problem with them. Her fifteen year old brother Ryan has a teen attitude so whatever. Six year old Bella has made incredible progress. She and her little brother Ryder came to terms with Gus some time ago because he’s small and cute. Stanley, being extra large, at first sent them both running. Then, I’m not sure how it happened (neither is she) but Bella almost started to like him.

Ryder, not so much. I think his perspective is like the perspective in this photo where Stanley’s head looks immense. Stanley, sensing Ryder’s energy and attitude, went on a totally unsuccessful campaign of jumping and high pitched barking to win him over.

We finally put him in the yard for awhile so we could all have a break.

ELBEE That is just sad.

STANLEY May I remind you, I’m still a kid. I was so hurt I tried to get Robert the mailman to take me with him.

To show you how little progress was made, when they were leaving, Ryder announced that he had nicknames for the dogs. Gus was “Cloud” and Stanley was “Pain in the Butt.”

CHARLEY Sorry to say, she does not make this stuff up.

One other thing happened that was kind of the icing on the Thanksgiving cake or the gravy on the turkey.

ELBEE Please tell me she didn’t just say that.

Freshly bathed, Gus and Stanley were, of course, hanging around the kitchen when the husband was carving the turkey. For some reason the knife made a hole in the pan and juice started pouring off of the cutting board, showering the dogs.

ELBEE Maybe it was because she was using one of those cheap disposable pans.

Despite trying to wash them off, they still smell awful and I’m becoming a vegan.

November 23rd

November 23rd is a very important date.

CHARLEY I pride myself on being quite the history buff but that doesn’t ring any bells.

This year it was the fourth anniversary of Gus passing his Pet Partners test with a perfect score, the first step in his therapy dog journey. That meant so much to me because the family who had to rehome him as a puppy simply asked me to give him a good life.

It was also Stanley’s year and a half birthday.

ELBEE Excuse me. His half birthday?

It’s hard to believe he was that little puppy who fell asleep in my lap the first day I met him.

Not only is he physically large, but he has developed a huge personality. Stanley does drama. If he gets a leaf or heaven forbid a twig on his paw when we’re walking, he throws himself down on the sidewalk.

ELBEE He’s a regular Sarah Bernhardt.

I know you must be thinking that I have an incredible memory to recall the dates of these events.

ELBEE Oh yes, that’s just what we were thinking.

The real reason November 23rd means so much to me is because it’s my grandson Ryder’s birthday. I was driving to Gus’s testing at UCLA when I got the exciting news that Ryder had arrived.

CHARLEY I believe what she just did is called burying the lead.

ELBEE And she’s still desperately hoping for grandma influencer? I have a better chance of getting sainthood.

Ryder was born with Hirschsprung’s disease, a complicated illness that in simple terms causes severe intestinal dysfunction. He has been in and out of the hospital so many times that I’ve lost count. But what a little fighter!

Danielle and her husband Jay, whom we adore despite his being a cat person, have fought for him every step of the way. Through every difficult moment they have offered love and strength. With endless determination, they have found him the best medical care. At only six years old, his big sister Bella has developed true compassion.

Despite still having some health issues to deal with, Ryder has come so far. His birthday party was a true celebration of his turning four. More importantly, it was a celebration of his resilience, his energy, his joy. He’s in constant motion, talks non-stop and is into everything. In short, he’s just what a four year old boy should be. As a bonus, he’s also funny.

ELBEE I’m sure she thinks he gets that from her side of the family.

Say “Cheesy”

Before I get to the main topic, the dogs’ photo shoot for the People Animal Connection calendar, I need to vent about a more sensitive issue…aging. When Gus and I were at UCLA this week, one of the therapists and I started chatting about age. She was feeling old but felt much younger when I admitted how old I was. She was kind enough to say that she’d had no idea.

A short time later, Gus and I were visiting with a group of kids in the neuropsych unit when a very quiet withdrawn little girl suddenly began talking to me quite earnestly. She told me about a skin remedy mixing blue berries with yogurt. In the past, someone had told me that blueberries helped with tear stain on dogs so I foolishly assumed she was talking about Gus. She said, “No, I meant for you.”

ELBEE I can’t stop laughing.

I have one more issue to discuss.

CHARLEY Yes, I’m here with Elbee and let me say it’s so great to have him home. However, I can’t believe she’s still having all these issues.

Someone on the news said that there are so many seniors in this country now, they’re referring to us as the “silver tsunami.” I’m not sure how I feel about being compared to a natural disaster.

ELBEE So far I love this post.

Picking up my reading glasses and moving on, the photo shoot was last Sunday. Gus is a pro but it was Stanley’s first time. I confess that I’m still a total stage mother. They had costumes for the dogs but where were hair and makeup?

I also admit that I told my daughter and granddaughter they couldn’t come up to visit that day because the dogs had the photo shoot? Is that so wrong?

ELBEE No, that’s awesome!

Gus and Stanley were dressed in Christmas regalia for December. I’m not quite sure about that large thing on Gus’s head but he was such a good sport. Stanley got off easy with a cute sparkly headband and red and green collar.

After the calendar pictures, Stanley had to sit for his UCLA trading cards. It was an emotional moment for me because Julianne, the photographer, has also taken pictures of Charley, Elbee and Gus, maybe under the same lights. It brought back memories.

Stanley still had one more to go. For his final shot of the day, he had to pose with yours truly because a picture of the team goes on the back of each card. At first he was such a trooper and stayed patiently at my side.

ELBEE I can feel his embarrassment.

After a few more minutes, however, he was totally done and sprawled out on the floor. He looked so comfortable that I decided to join him.

ELBEE & CHARLEY We’re split on whether this was cute or just sad.

The Grandma Train

Other than being a mother to the daughters and to the Doods

ELBEE Not necessarily in that order

being a grandmother is one of the greatest gifts in my life. Lately though, I’ve been getting all sorts of signs that I may have missed the grandma train.

First, I saw three annoying yentas on tv pitching their show, Bubbie Knows Best. I’m an annoying yenta. Why wasn’t I contacted?

ELBEE I can’t disagree with her. Not even an audition? I’m stumped.

Then I saw a review for a book titled, Stories for My Grandchild. Ok, I admit that I was a little jealous that I hadn’t written it but that’s not what really got to me. The author was described as an “influencer!” What is an influencer and how exactly do you get to be one? Do you need a YouTube show? Don’t I influence people?

ELBEE The only thing she’s influenced me to do is to get therapy.

Then I saw another book called Nanaville, “witty advice on modern grand parenting (spoiling the kids is out!)”. Really? I was at Target with my grandkids and assured them that it was my job to spoil them. Maybe it’s time for another book.

As if all of this wasn’t enough, then there was the conversation between my daughter and her daughter. I won’t mention which daughter. I’ll only say that she’s the one who has the most vivid memories of my bodybuilding days.

Not only did I compete when they were young and I was young. I went back and did masters when I was in my forties and they were in their teens. It was a little odd to hear voices in the audience yelling out, “Mom, flex your abs.”

THE DOODS This is way too much information.

My ten year old granddaughter was complaining about something in her life, some typical childhood drama. That’s when the daughter informed her that her childhood was nothing compared to what she went through. Warming up to the subject, she explained how grandma, with a perpetual fake tan, would get up on stage in a bathing suit and flex her muscles. My granddaughter kind of knew but had never had it explained so graphically.

With all of this oversharing, I might as well put up this photo taken backstage at a competition. And yes, the daughters were with me. If you look at the cap, you’ll see that I was a Dodger fan even then. Coincidentally, I’ll have Dodger news next week.

ELBEE I’m sure that’s the first thing people noticed but nice tie in to her Dodger post.

On a serious note, I want to say thank you to the daughters for filling my heart with joy and for making me a grandma. I also want to wish a happy Mother’s Day to all of the special women in my life for caring and sharing. And to my mom, who has been gone for so many years, I miss you and I’m thinking about you. The daughters would have loved you.