Doodles – Page 36 – Me and the Doods.com

We Dodged a Reality Show Bullet

Last week I compared myself to the Kardashian mom which brought this story to mind.

ELBEE What was she thinking?

Elbee is right. What was I thinking? Anyhow it brought to mind this story which I had been meaning to share for some time. Several years ago, before I was one of the few people in America not to have a reality show, I was contacted about being on a reality show with Charley.

I only watch singing and dancing reality shows (yes, Dancing with the Stars is my guilty pleasure) but from what I was told it was like Big Brother with people and dogs. My fifteen minutes of bodybuilding fame were a distant memory and I liked spending time with Charley so I figured, why not.

ELBEE I have to defend Charley since he is no longer here to defend himself. He was not responsible for this. He was coerced. On the other hand, I would have jumped at the chance. I’d be a natural for TV. And thank you Pack Leader for not dragging out a bodybuilding photo. This story is bad enough.

The whole screening process went great! They loved Charley and were stuck with me. We were a package deal. Eventually I was given a huge contract to sign. No it was not huge money wise. It just had a lot of pages.

Never having seen one of those before, I gave it to the lawyer daughter to look over. At first she was shocked simply because I was even thinking of doing this. Then she was even more horrified when she started reading it. There was a confidentially clause that said I would basically have to disappear from my real life for forty days and nights without telling anyone where I was going. What if no one missed me?

Even worse was the nudity clause. I guess if they caught me and Charley naked and brushing our teeth they wanted to be able to use the footage. Eventually the daughter and the young female lawyer from the production company worked out the details. By the way, she confided to the daughter that she would be equally horrified if her mother wanted to do this.

Undeterred, I went to the “big” meeting where final selections and details were being worked out. To give you an idea of how close we came, all of the dogs that ended up on the show were there that day. Fortunately, for some reason, I came to my senses. I started asking so many questions that they thought I might not have the right attitude. Someone even implied that people would give up their firstborn to be on the show. I couldn’t. She was my lawyer.

For a period of time I regretted my decision. Was I passing up a chance at fame and fortune?

ELBEE Are you kidding me! She was giving up the chance to embarrass herself and poor Charley on national television.

Much as I hate to admit it, once again Elbee is correct. When it aired that summer I breathed a huge sigh of relief. There was lots of alcohol involved (not for the dogs). There were arguments, tears, confessions. I might have ended up over sharing with all of America!

The Vicarious Diva

Originally, I started this post with good news and bad news but it simply wasn’t cutting it. The good news was that recently Elbee had stepped up his game at the hospital and was like a different more humble dog. The bad news was that Gus seemed to have gotten in touch with his inner diva.

ELBEE It wasn’t working because Pack Leader was being disingenuous. Hey, I’ve told you, since Charley’s been gone I’ve had to step up my vocabulary.

This morning I headed into the mountains to do some minimal soul searching and figure out why I couldn’t write the post. It only took me a few steep climbs to realize, and I hate to admit this, that Elbee was right. I was being dishonest with myself. I love the “divadom” of the dogs. I’m like the Kardashian mom. The only differences are that my kids are canine and don’t make money.

Note to the daughters: I’m not talking about you and love you dearly so don’t sue.

I’m sure it stems from my childhood as the ultimate nerd with glasses, braces and orthopedic shoes. In the past, I’ve shared that I spent most of the 80’s (okay and some of the 90’s) overcompensating for those years by becoming a bodybuilding “diva.” Who else waves and blows kisses from the stage? My original involvement in weight lifting may have begun as part of my recuperation from a near fatal car accident, but trust me, the nerd thing added plenty of fuel to the fire.

ELBEE If she doesn’t put up pictures from the archives, I won’t bark for a year.

ELBEE Darn! I thought that might work.

After I owned up to the dog/diva thing, what else was there to do but an impromptu photo shoot. The daughters can’t believe that I put the dogs in these outfits and that they actually cooperate. Even Riley, our 14 year old Golden who is Charley’s uncle and also incredibly patient, took part. Come to think of it, the daughters were never this good when I tried to take the annual holiday photo.

ELBEE There were bribes involved. Still, I must admit that although I’ve complained about the glasses in the past, these purple ones give me a certain, je ne sais quoi. Yes, I’ve taken up French.

GUS I hate to be negative but the scarf was a little over the top for my taste.

Gus had another photo op at UCLA on Wednesday. As part of Nurse Appreciation Week, he and his buddy Tommy paid a visit to the Emergency Room. While we were there someone shot this great picture with some of the staff.

GUS I am really sorry to complain again but I have an issue with this photo. Tommy and I are in very awkward poses. We should have demanded a reshoot.

ELBEE OMG he really is turning into a total little diva. I am so proud!

The Diva Is Back!

ELBEE Finally a post about me. In respect for Charley’s passing, I have been like a saint waiting my turn.

I was hiking with my friend Dennis, solving the world’s problems, when I asked him if he thought the term “diva” had become gender neutral. He said it probably had because the only divo that came to mind was the singing group Il Divo. Then, never having met a pun he didn’t like, Dennis added that Elbee could have been a “barkitone.” Don’t groan at me. I warned you.

ELBEE Good one. You go Dennis!

It suddenly occurred to me that each of the Doods works in a way that is comparable to a different singer.

ELBEE Where is she going with this?

GUS Even I’m confused.

Charley was the classical singer with the most beautiful voice. He was like the Josh Groban of therapy dogs. He could touch your soul. Gus is like the child with the sweet angelic voice that wins hearts and talent shows.

Which brings me to Elbee. He is the ultimate diva. Whereas Charley and Gus often “sang” as an amazing duo, Elbee is a soloist. He is the Mariah Carey of therapy dogs.

ELBEE OMG I may cry. I love Mariah Carey.

Last week was no exception. He was so happy to be at UCLA that he was even more over the top than usual. It was like he was finally back on tour. He didn’t just walk into the hospital. He made an entrance. When the kids in the neuropsych units sat on the floor, he flopped into their laps. After he did his tricks, he was more concerned with the applause than with the treats.

As I watched him bask in the attention, I realized that he would probably love to have a personal assistant. Then it dawned on me. I am his personal assistant. I chauffeur him, get him food and water, clean up his poop. I don’t get paid enough for this job. Which reminds me, someone who saw us in the hospital asked if I rented him.

It’s hard to believe that Elbee almost didn’t become a therapy dog. When he was a puppy, I contracted a serious virus that had me laid up for months. Most of his time was spent in the house with me. One day when I was finally able to take him for a short walk, I noticed that he was backing up and shying from people. I later learned that I had missed his crucial socialization period at 12 weeks.

If Charley hadn’t been a therapy dog for a few years and if I wasn’t hoping to have another one, I might have given up. Instead I became a woman on a mission. I took Elbee everywhere with me. If someone so much as glanced in his direction, I asked them to say hello and give him a treat. Bike riders in the mountains, strangers on the street, yes, even a few homeless people helped to shape the dog that he is today.

Looking back, did I go to far? Did I create the diva?

ELBEE She may have helped, but I was born fabulous!

Synchronicity

This week I was planning to write about Elbee returning to work at UCLA, his first time since Charley’s been gone.

ELBEE Finally it’s about me. Uh oh, she said “was.” Does that mean I’m going to be bumped once again? For the record, it was a triumphant return. I was fabulous.

As I was saying, I was going to write about Elbee but after a serendipitous encounter at Providence Tarzana Hospital, I wanted to share the moment. It was all about the simple, sometimes subtle, power of a therapy dog.

Providence is where Nicole, the middle daughter and the one who loves the Doods, works as an ICU nurse. Last Friday, when I took Gus into the hospital, she happened to be there so we stopped on her floor to visit.

By the way, Charley and Elbee loved seeing Nicole in the hospital. They knew where the ICU was and would sit outside and refuse to budge until she came out. As soon as they saw her they would completely lose it and start barking, something they never do when they’re working. It was difficult to explain the situation to people who had no idea why these over excited dogs were allowed in the hospital.

ELBEE Excuse my enthusiasm!

While we were chatting in the corridor, a young girl who was visibly upset walked out of the unit. My daughter explained that she had been caring for the girl’s beloved grandfather who had passed away only a short time before. Tears on her face, the girl walked over to talk to my daughter. I noticed that she seemed to relax when she saw Gus, so I asked if she’d like to pet him.

She immediately dropped to the floor, petting and then hugging Gus. Within seconds, she stopped crying and got a smile on her face as the little guy worked his magic. Simply by sharing his sweetness and unconditional love, Gus had momentarily lightened her sadness.

She was surprised to learn that I was Nicole’s mother but it seemed to make her even more comfortable. She opened up and told us that although she was only 14, she’d known for a long time that she wanted to be a nurse. She even shared that she’d like to volunteer in some capacity. My daughter offered to help in any way that she possibly could.

As I got ready to leave, I realized that I had never asked the girl her name. To my surprise, it was Nicole.

ELBEE Although I’m still a bit upset about being pushed to the next post, I get it. That was a nice story. Almost brought a tear to my eye.

Big Paw Prints to Follow

ELBEE Thank goodness she changed the title. This post was going to be called Life Goes On which I thought was depressing and kind of a cliche.

Last week I went to UCLA with Gus. Walking into the hospital for the first time since Charley passed was as emotional as walking in with him for the very first time years ago. Carol, a wise woman and honorary “aunt” to the Doods who helps out with PAC, said that Charley would always be by my side to guide me and keep me brave. He definitely was there in spirit that morning.

I asked Marsha, the groomer with all of the magic colors, to give Gus pastel ears and a pastel tail for Easter. To be honest I think it was to create a distraction. I also think I brought Gus instead of Elbee because there was no chance anyone would mistake him for Charley and lead to an awkward moment.

GUS I’m getting used to the colors but with Pack Leader keeping my hair long, about 10 people said that I looked like a sheep. Someone else commented that I looked like a member of an 80’s hair band. What is that?

ELBEE Normally I would be insulted about not going into the hospital but out of respect for my big brother, I get it. And note to self: try to explain to Gus how much P.L. misses the 80’s.

I was very nervous about seeing all of the people at the hospital who miss Charley almost as much as I do. I was afraid that I would end up a blubbering mess. Fortunately, everyone was so kind and supportive. There were hugs and there were tears but the morning was healing. Gus was a big part of that. He comforted me at the same time that he reached out to patients and staff. He showed a certain grace and maturity that I hadn’t seen before.

He really stepped up his game. It was as if he knew that he had some big paw prints to fill. He strode through the lobby with total confidence. Well, as much as a little guy can stride. He was sweeter than ever. A woman in the volunteer office was so enchanted that he became her favorite dog within five minutes. I noticed him doing something that Charley often did. He would sit very still and look around as if assessing the situation to see what he needed to do. Note to the daughters: No I have not lost it. He really did. I have witnesses.

He almost over performed. I’d give him the hand signal for down and he’d follow that but then add a bunch of tricks on his own. He got laughs. He got applause. He won people over. He helped me cope.

All in all the day went well. Gus was exhausted but worked like a champ. Despite more mood swings than I had during menopause and pregnancies put together, I didn’t end up a blubbering mess. That happened later.

At night my husband found a package on the doorstep and said, “you’ve got something here from UCLA.” Having no idea what to expect, I tore it open and found this beautiful plaque. I was so moved by the thoughtfulness of the gesture and the sentiments behind it that the tears started pouring down my face. They were tears of sadness but also of pride and gratitude.

Dogs Cry Too

It’s obvious that Elbee and Gus have been feeling the loss of their big brother. They are both more subdued. Yet each one seems to be grieving in his own way. At least neither one has a pimple like I did.

Elbee was howling in his sleep the other night and has even whimpered a few times. That’s something he’s never done before.

ELBEE But thank goodness I don’t have a pimple.

He was always happy resting on the floor. Now he sleeps in Charley’s spot on the bed with his head on the footboard. Speaking of the bed, he is sometimes prone to stomach problems during the night. When it happened in the past, Charley would always nudge me awake with his paw so that I would let Elbee out. Well last night was one of those nights. Elbee didn’t nudge me but instead did a soft bark (not his usual really loud annoying one) to get me up. It was surprising.

ELBEE I thought this was supposed to be about my grieving, not my personal habits.

He also seems to have become a lot more mellow. I think it’s because, as much as he loved Charley, he now has one less dog to compete with. It’s no secret that Elbee enjoys undivided attention.

ELBEE Has it ever occurred to her that I may be maturing.

Today was the happiest I’ve seen Elbee in weeks. My grandson Ryan, one of his favorite people in the world, slept over and really seemed to cheer him up.

Gus looks sad and a bit lost without Charley. As Charley quietly passed away in the yard, the little guy sat about ten feet away, watching intently and not moving. It was if he understood what was happening. More and more, I notice him sitting very still with that serious look on his face.

As I’ve shared in previous posts, Gus worked several events with Charley so not only was he bonded to him but Charley was his teacher. Together they comforted at the UCLA candlelight vigil. They taught an anti-bullying group from Compton about kindness. They showed unconditional acceptance to children at a special needs camp. At each of these events they would occasionally check in, licking each other on the face.

Gus has picked up some of Charley’s habits. He’s become a little “stalkerish” in a good way and follows me around the house. The other day he even pushed open the bathroom door to find me. Charley, and my kids when they were young, are the only ones who have ever done that.

He also does the “nudge” during the night. Unlike Charley, who did it so I would let Elbee out to throw up, Gus just does it so I’ll wake up and pet him. The poor guy is lonely.

Elbee Really?

As the weeks have gone by, Elbee and Gus have turned to each other more and more. Very rarely will you find either of them alone. This unusual “rug” is the two of them cuddled together for comfort and support.

And on a Lighter Note…Sort of

This post was going to be titled Confessions of a Hot Mess because that’s about how well I’ve been coping with Charley being gone. Just to give you an idea of how badly it’s been going, I have a pimple. I am way to old to have a pimple. A daughter said it was stress.

I’ve been hiking in the mountains and spending time with Elbee, Gus and Riley, our Golden retriever and Charley’s uncle, trying to come to terms with the loss. I miss Charley’s protective presence following me around the house. I miss that other welcoming bark when I come home. I miss walking into the hospital with him by my side.

This morning I pictured Charley sitting next to me, with his paw on my lap and staring at me as if to say, “get a grip.” Well, today I’m going to get a grip. I’m going to celebrate some of the fun we had when Charley was younger.

Many of you know we did the movie I Love You Man.

ELBEE Is there anyone who doesn’t know about their blink and you missed it cameo which Pack Leader thought put her in Oscar contention? Yes, I’m back. With my big brother gone, I have to be the voice of reason and be funny. You try it.

By the way, I’m wearing glasses to give the photo some gravitas. See, I’m smarter than I look.

Since Elbee mentioned the Oscars, let me share that Charley and I worked an Academy Awards gifting suite. To be honest, I don’t think it was an A-list event because the “stars” had to wear rubber bracelets so we’d know they were stars. In earlier posts, I’ve written about Charley being on Pit Bulls and Parolees, making the cover of the Bed Head Pajama Catalog and being in several parades, including the Hollywood Christmas Parade with the dog whisperer, Cesar Milan.

Charley and I also participated in numerous street fairs and charity walks. Among others, we took part in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, the Light the Night Walk Against Cancer and Mariette Hartley’s Out of the Darkness Walk for Suicide Prevention where Charley was the mascot.

Speaking of mascots, for several years he was the mascot for the Los Angeles Police Academy Magnet Schools, a program that prepares high schoolers for careers in law enforcement. The kids loved him but the officer who had to introduce Charley at a meeting had trouble keeping a straight face when he brought out my huge, shaggy dog.

I can only imagine what former Chief Bratton was thinking when they shot this photo or when Charley took part in graduation exercises.

Charley initially got involved in the program because I was the weight training coach for the students. I would often bring him to events to teach the kids about the healing work of therapy dogs.

ELBEE Oh no! She mentioned weight lifting! So soon after Charley’s passing and she’s going to bring out a bodybuilding photo from the archives. I threatened to boycott the blog if she ever did it again but under the circumstances I have to cut her some slack. I mean the pimple and all.

A Life Well Lived

Sometimes it was hard to believe that Charley was a dog. Nicole, the middle daughter and the one who actually loves all the Doods, said that he was like a mystical creature who would never die. Like a unicorn.

Missing my wonderful “unicorn,” I took advantage of a beautiful, breezy morning to hike up into the mountains. As I enjoyed the healing freedom, the spectacular views and the wildflowers, thoughts of Charley came flooding in. I could almost feel his spirit.

In his ten plus years at UCLA Medical Center and at Providence Tarzana Hospital his interactions with patients, staff and families were so simple and natural but at the same time extraordinary. He entertained with tricks. He comforted. He healed. He always seemed to have an instinct about who needed him the most.

For some reason, as I climbed the trails that morning, I kept remembering many of the more difficult situations. Those were the times when his grace and kindness really helped me as well as the people we were visiting.

At Providence, with the okay of their oncologists, we visited cancer patients. Charley spent time with Susan, an absolutely amazing woman who was battling the disease. When she was in a “funk,” having him on her bed made her feel better for hours. On the day she confided that she was done fighting and going home, it was only Charley’s presence that kept me from losing it. She is gone but her husband has sent me touching messages about how much Charley meant to both of them.

We were asked to see a man who was terminal but waiting for his daughter to fly in and say goodbye. Without Charley by my side, I don’t know if I could have entered that hospital room. He truly did teach me to be brave.

The patient’s wife, who had been in tears, hugged Charley and started smiling as he leaned on her. I gave the patient a treat for Charley who gently took it out of his hand. Then we sat and chatted quietly as he petted my big sweet dog. We spent a peaceful, emotionally healing few minutes.

Years ago Charley did several visits with a young girl in the neuropsych unit at UCLA that I will never forget. Jani, according to doctors at the hospital, was born schizophrenic. She loved animals in general and Charley in particular. However, on a rough morning she tried to kick him. Unfortunately it was the same day that a reporter from the L.A. Times was doing a story about her.

The column one article talked about Jani having a very bad day and trying to kick the hospital dog. What the reporter didn’t know was that the next time we came in to see her, Jani ran over to Charley, hugged him and said, “I’m so sorry. I love you, Charley.” On our following visit, she gave him this page from a coloring book that she had signed. She even apologized for not having time to fill it in. I saved it because it moved me so deeply.

I emailed the reporter to tell her about the positive interactions and she got permission to put it on the newspaper’s blog. That’s why I’m able to share the story now. Charley with his kindness and gentle spirit was able to reach Janni.

After Charley passed, Ursula, a wonderful therapist in the NPI, sent me a note with an Irish saying that she felt applied to Charley, “We will not see his like again.” How fortunate were all of those who saw his “like.” How fortunate was I to be at his side.

Goodbye My Gentle Giant

When Charley was six months old, we were in the waiting room at the vet when a woman walked over and commented on his demeanor, saying that he would be a perfect therapy dog. The very next morning this thoughtful stranger called me with the number for the UCLA People Animal Connection. Little did I know, it was a phone call that would change my life.

Charley was my dog but as we worked together over the years, he became my friend, my partner, oh let’s face it, my soulmate. The daughters referred to him as my “other husband.” He died the same way he lived, with grace, dignity and concern for my well being. He knew that I could never make the decision to let him go so he made it for me.

In early posts I wrote about all of the training and testing, but nothing prepared me for the emotions of walking into the hospital with him for the first time. I confess that I have a basic fear of hospitals and a bit of “white coat syndrome.” Yet when I went into the hospital lobby with that big, beautiful animal by my side, I was at ease.

Charley’s first bed visit was with a patient who had been been hospitalized for quite some time waiting for a heart transplant. She looked so frail in the small bed surrounded by huge equipment. My hands were shaking as I helped Charley step gently onto the bed. As he instinctively cuddled by her side, the woman wrapped her arms around him, started to cry and then to smile, sharing how lonesome she was for her own three dogs.

I watched in wonder as Charley comforted her. Any skepticism I had about how much a dog could accomplish completely disappeared. It was the moment that I became a true believer in the healing power, or maybe magic, of therapy dogs.

Two other patients experiencing “Charley love”

Charley became my teacher. That first day in the hospital, he taught me to be brave. Over the more than ten years that we volunteered together, he taught me to focus and to be present for the patients, families and staff members who needed us. He taught me about unconditional love.

Charley was a special soul who lived a life of joy and purpose. His kindness, intuition and ability to heal were legendary. People still talk about the day that a woman who had been catatonic for over a week smiled and petted him. No one who experienced the Charley “lean” or the gentle grip of his big front paw ever forgot it.

At twelve, Charley was slowing down but still seemed to enjoy special events. The night before he passed, he and his mini-me Gus were visiting Bruin athletes at the UCLA Hall of Fame. He was his usual charming self and worked the room like a pro.

He seemed restless when we got home, so I spent most of the night sitting with him. In the morning, I left him on the bed while I went to feed the rest of the pack. When I came back upstairs, he wasn’t there. I found him in the yard. He had chosen a quiet spot under some purple flowering bushes to lay down. A half hour later he was gone. His giant heart had stopped beating.

The Pink Trees

It’s no secret that I’m a little, okay a lot, obsessed with the dogs but I confess that I have a few other obsessions. For instance, why are there three or four helicopters flying over the mountains near our house at all hours of the night? The middle daughter was about to tell me that I was losing it when she looked out the bedroom window and there they were.

I also have a thing about wood rat nests. I took a class at a nature center and was fascinated. A rat family will build a nest out of sticks and leaves at the base of a tree. Each time a new rat moves in they add on. The nests can get huge. For some reason they remind me of condos. By the way, even though I like the living arrangement, I did not touch the stuffed rat when they passed it around in class. I have standards.

I am really obsessed with the cherry trees that grow around a small lake in a nearby park. In February I start driving by almost every day to see if they’re in bloom yet.

THE DOODS Pack Leader is not kidding. Can we tell you how many times we’ve had to act excited to see the trees. Just look at this photo. At least we look cute and aren’t wearing hats and sunglasses.

One year I convinced the whole family that we should meet by the lake on a Sunday to see the pink blooms at their peak. Apparently, I was not the only one who had that idea. It was chaotic. There were people everywhere. Parking was a nightmare. The oldest daughter, who couldn’t care less about the pink trees, thought it was one of the worst ideas I’d ever had.

A few weeks later she walked into our house, looked at me and said, “Mom you win.” Driving over, she had seen some pink trees, that she normally would never have noticed, and immediately thought of me. I think she’s afraid that the pink trees and I will haunt her forever.

Today she texted a photo that is the main reason I decided to write this post. That is my granddaughter smiling in front of some pink trees! Not to mention that she loves to find wood rat nests when we go hiking. I did win!