Me and the Doods.com

You Did What??

Last week, Charley, Gus and several other dogs in the UCLA People Animal Connection brought trick or treat to the patients at Mattel Children’s Hospital. Cheering up the kids was an absolute delight but having another excuse to dress up the dogs was the icing on the cake. I have to say they looked fabulous in orange tinsel, mylar pumpkin wreaths and festive headbands.

ELBEE She forgot to mention the wig on Gus. Personally I think she took advantage of his age and inexperience. I refused to wear it which is probably why I got left home.

Everything was going well until someone from Telemundo, a huge Spanish language TV station that was covering the event, asked if anyone could speak Spanish. I can “habla” a little and I like practicing so I raised my hand. Next thing I know I’m in front of the camera for an on air interview. Then the camera man from another Spanish language station came over to ask a few questions.

At first it seemed like fun. Then I realized that being able to “habla” a bit is not the same as having it recorded for posterity. People would be able to pause their televisions because they couldn’t believe what they were hearing. Some might even think it was a weird new sitcom.

Later that day the middle daughter was over to visit and confirmed my worst fears. When I told her about the interview, her response was, “You did what?” Then I told her about the second one and she gasped, “What were you thinking?”

CHARLEY I hate to say it, but I’m on team daughter for this one. And yes, I wore the wig last year. I should be up for sainthood.

On the bright side, I didn’t get any hate mail from the Spanish speaking community. Hey, maybe I can extend my 15 minutes of fame. Dancing with the Stars has never wanted me but how about a telenovela?

THE DOODS Ay, Dios Mio!!

Before and After

There are defining moments in everyone’s life. One of mine was the car accident that I alluded to in my last post. Seven months pregnant with Danielle, my youngest daughter, I was in the front passenger seat during a head on collision. As my head hit the dash board, I broke most of the bones in my face and developed a tangerine sized blood clot on my brain.

I had considered including a photo from the hospital with a shaved head and unrecognizable face but, to be totally honest, my daughter asked that I leave it out. Not to mention, I would have had to put up a warning like they do on TV: this piece contains graphic images.

I gave birth to my daughter a month later. Soon after began the long process of multiple surgeries followed by multiple recoveries. There were moments of depression and defeat but with three daughters, being a 90 pound weakling wasn’t an option. Then I discovered weight lifting, something that nice Jewish girls growing up in Syracuse didn’t do.

Despite the fact that I used to be very shy, after a lot of coaxing, weight lifting led to bodybuilding and my first competition!

ELBEE She used to be shy and I took first place at Westminster.

Yes, I was shy and almost had to be pushed on stage at that competition. What really got me through was the feeling that it was symbolic of my recovery. And I have to say that winning the first trophy of my non-athletic life was major!

ELBEE Apparently it was so major that she couldn’t stop competing for years.

Since the hospital before and after was off the table, I decided to share a before and after that is one of my favorites from my former life as a bodybuilding carpool mom. During that time I wrote a book called, The Desperate Woman’s Guide to Fitness (The Secret to Aging Like Fine Wine Instead of Going Flat Like Stale Beer). While putting the book together, I worked with Paul Chepikian, an amazingly talented Renaissance man who did the cover. As you can see, he is also one of the best sports I have ever met!

CHARLEY I try not to be judgmental but that is a little disturbing, I may have to go meditate.

ELBEE Sorry Charley, but I think it’s hilarious!

GUS And people wonder why I’m confused. I’m going to take my chew bone and hide in the closet.

Grandma’s Got “Guns”

The greatest thing happened at the gym. I hate to brag but I had just done 200 pounds on the leg press when a normal, working out kind of guy went over to use the machine.

DOODS We have to admit that we are a little impressed but saying she “hates” to brag. Really?

As I was saying, he saw how much weight I’d been using, walked over to me, punched his chest twice and said “respect.” That may be one of the coolest compliments I’ve ever received. It ranks up there with the gay friend who told me I was a “timeless woman.” I only mention he was gay because I feel that no one compliments a woman like a gay man.

The gym comment actually meant a lot because I have been on a mission to regain my strength after an injury. A few years ago I tore my rotator cuff in yoga.

CHARLEY In yoga? That is just embarrassing. I don’t advocate lying but in this case it wouldn’t hurt.

After laying off weight lifting for an extended time and then starting from scratch a year ago, it’s been exciting to find out that all my years of bodybuilding really did build muscle memory. Even though my only goal was to regain strength, people have been commenting on my arms getting bigger. I knew I was making progress when the oldest daughter said, “Oh no, you’re not thinking of competing again!”

THE DOODS Okay, she looks good but why is she sitting in the closet flexing? Also, we’re more concerned with the other memory, the one that makes sure she feeds us on time.

On a serious note, I think that strength in a woman is crucial. As a passenger in a head on car accident when I was pregnant with the youngest daughter, now the mother of two, I had near fatal injuries, including a large blood clot on the brain. The long recovery process left me as a 90 pound weakling. Physically and mentally, weight lifting helped lead me back. More in my next post.

Oy Vey

Last Wednesday was Yom Kippur. As far as holidays go, that’s a really big one. It’s a day of atonement, reflection, remembrance, fasting (some of us are not so great at that). Unfortunately, it was also my regular day to bring a Dood into UCLA Medical Center to cheer up the patients. To make matters worse, Gus and his friend Tommy, an adorable Bichon, had been requested for a very special visit.

I was in a Jewish quandary. Would going into the hospital, a good deed referred to as a mitzvah, make up for my total lack of traditional observance? I called Tommy’s person Donna who was having the same dilemma. We decided that dealing with the Jewish guilt would be worth it because what the dogs do is so important.

GUS Excuse me, did anyone ask me or Tommy how we felt about this?

As it turned out, the visits were a huge success. Tommy and Gus brought so much joy. People were laughing, smiling, picking up the dogs and cuddling them. And on a a bright note none of us were hit by lightening and we all made it home safely.

Later in the day to add insult to injury or to celebrate the holiday, depending on your perspective, I hiked up into the mountains, my own spiritual place. I needed to see the ocean. My brother’s ashes and those of my dearest friend Eileen, both of whom passed away too young, are in the Pacific. Looking out over the water is my special way to connect with them. I stood on a hill with tears of remembrance rolling down my face.

I made it down the trail unscathed, no bruises, scratches, broken bones. I decided that was an excellent sign. Then it dawned on me. My mother had died 47 years ago to the day. I had to believe she was up there shaking her head, but smiling at me.

Pit Bulls, Parolees and a Doodle

Charley has quite the resume, especially for a dog. He was in the movie I Love You Man. He’s been in several parades.

He’s been on TV, in magazines and newspapers. He worked at an academy awards gifting suite.

He was even in the Bedhead pajama catalog.

CHARLEY I regret that I’ve never been asked to do a radio interview. I actually think I could pull it off.

What few people know is that he was on the tv show Pit Bulls and Parolees, a program about a woman who rescues Pit Bulls and has parolees help train and rehabilitate them.

ELBEE I’m sure Pack Leader was wondering if there was an audience for her blog in prison.

During our episode a parolee was testing a large Pit Bull to be a therapy dog. Charley and I were there as the neutral dog team. It’s the exercise in the Pet Partners evaluation where the two teams approach, the handlers greet each other, and the testing team then walks on by. The dogs aren’t supposed to show more than passing interest in each other.

Unfortunately, Fido, the Pit Bull and Fred the parolee (fake names) failed the test. After walking by, “Fido” circled back to get Charley. A big no no.

CHARLEY I was terrified. I’m a lover not a fighter.

Since the producers knew the outcome, when they were editing the show, they made a big dramatic deal about the neutral dog exercise coming up. “Fred” had to say how nervous he was about it. It was like the obligatory part of a cooking show where someone says, “this is a disaster.” As they went to commercial, they had a shot of big, scary Charley with a kind of Jaws music playing.

CHARLEY It was humiliating, almost as humiliating as this shirt.

After “Fido” failed, they went to “Fred” for reaction. He commented that the big, fluffy white dog had been their downfall. Maybe I should have used fake names for me and Charley instead.

Fortunately he was a very sweet parolee and said he totally understood. Hey, maybe he would like my blog.

“Tails” from the Trails

THE DOODS We love the play on words in the title and are very happy that this post is going to focus on us.

Sorry about the misleading title Doods. It was just too good to resist. I actually have a few “tales” from the trails to share.

THE DOODS That is not even funny!

If you hike long enough, you’re bound to run into some strange people. The daughters think I’m one of them and I almost object. Until recently the naked hiker, yes naked, was at the top of my list. Well, he was naked unless you count his red baseball hat and hiking boots.

ELBEE Excuse me, but how does a naked guy decide that a red hat works with his non-outfit? And the weirdest thing is that Pack Leader and the guy casually said “hi” to each other as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Another time I saw a cyclist in a mesh onesie. That almost scarred me for life, but was nothing compared to an early morning encounter with a young, seemingly homeless man. Yes, Im judging.

I was hiking with my friend Mary when the man approached and casually asked if we knew what time it was. He was disheveled and caked in dirt as if he had slept in the mountains. He was carrying a small thick tire on a heavy chain, and what appeared to be a large quilt.

He seemed a little confused but knew exactly where he was headed, a donut shop on one of the streets leading up to the mountains. Suddenly he asked, “Do you want to see what I found?” As he started to slowly unwrap the filthy quilt, all I could think was that he was going to pull out a shot gun.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the blanket fell open and there was a big, white drone. I don’t know if we were more shocked or relieved. Then he very politely inquired, “Do you happen to know who lost this?”

THE DOODS OMG Do you have any question about why we’re sometimes hesitant to go hiking with her? And what’s even more disturbing is that she doesn’t make this stuff up! We need to talk to the daughters!

More Celebrities I’ve Sort of Met

In my last post I shared about meeting “Sully” Sullenberger, but thanks to the Doods, there have been other celebrity encounters. There was the time when Charley and I were in the Hollywood Christmas Parade, and I was doing my fabulous wave, that we met the dog whisperer, Cesar Milan. I ran into him again a few weeks later and was flattered that he seemed to remember me right away. Then he said, “You’re the one who looks like her dog,” but quickly caught himself and added that he meant it in the nicest way possible.

ELBEE OMG if he didn’t take a picture with her did she have to be so desperate that she photoshopped it? And by the way, that is the worst photoshopping I’ve ever seen!

And do you recognize the blonde behind Harvey Levin in this non-photoshopped picture?

I was walking on Third Street in Santa Monica, a real tourist mecca, when I saw they were filming People’s Court. The normally nosy me would have made a beeline over but I had just worked with the Doods and was a little tired. I crossed to the other side of the street to avoid the congestion.

THE DOODS Personally we were shocked that she didn’t run over. Harvey loves dogs, so seeing us, someone in the crew chased us down to ask if we’d be in the outside group scene. As for this photo, we were standing right in front of her and got cut out. Really? Who are the stars here?

I also met the legendary Vin Scully, the voice of the Dodgers. If Vin had groupies I would be one. I am a huge Dodgers fan and have even taken the Doods to Bark in the Park, with Nicole, the daughter who actually likes them.

THE DOODS We enjoyed the games and we hate to complain but the seats were a little small for us. We also have mixed feelings about the term “Dodger dogs.”

At the games, I only caught glimpses of Vin when we paraded on the warning track. My up close and personal was at an upscale mall in Calabasas, home of the Kardashians. Fortunately we didn’t see any of those. Vin was coming out of a store just as I was walking by with the Doods. He stopped to chat for a moment and was as nice as I’d hoped.

THE DOODS He had to stop and talk. She got so excited she almost ran us into him.

On a serious note, I just watched the Dodgers win their division as Vin broadcast his last home game after 67 years. I have never seen anyone accept accolades with more grace and humility. I was already a little teary eyed when they suddenly played a recording of Vin singing Wind Beneath My Wings, a song that reminds me of my parents who passed away when I was young. It was such a touching moment for me. Thank you Vin Scully!

An American Hero

Living in L.A. you tend to see celebrities from time to time, but it’s not every day that you meet a true hero. I want to share an encounter that seems even more meaningful in the wake of the recent anniversary of 9/11.

A few years ago at its Red Tie Affair, the Red Cross honored the UCLA People Animal Connection and Captain “Sully” Sullenberger. Charley, as well as 5 of the other furry honorees, were at our table in the grand ballroom of the Miramar Hotel in Santa Monica. Captain Sullenberger was seated nearby.

If you’ve read some of my posts, you may find this hard to believe. On my own, I might not have approached him, but with Charley’s leash firmly in hand, I walked over to introduce myself and say hello. He could not have been nicer. As a bonus, he and his family are dog people! When a woman tried to take cuts in line for a photo, he gently told her that Charley and I were there first.

What truly inspired me to write this today is that I just saw the movie Sully. I was familiar with the Miracle on the Hudson. I knew about Captain Sullenberger’s amazing accomplishments. I had heard him humbly and graciously accept his award at the gala. Sitting in the theatre, however, there were tears in my eyes as I watched the whole story unfold. The movie really put it into perspective. Thanks to my big, beautiful canine hero, I had enjoyed the privilege of meeting a real life American hero.

Gus for Mayor?

Gus has always been incredibly outgoing and confident but lately he’s gotten even more so. I have a sneaking suspicion that he may be running for mayor of Tarzana.

Instead of just greeting people who come up to us, he stops whenever anyone even glances in his direction and waits until they come over to say hello. He’s high fiving all over the place. He’s started wearing ties.

He’s licking babies. He’s pretending to smoke cigars.

He’s even been courting the media. When we were out for a walk and Gus saw the Channel 4 truck covering the Chris Brown activity in the neighborhood, he made a beeline for it.

I hate to burst his bubble but I think it’s an honorary position. He’d actually be wonderful at promoting community spirit, appearing at parades and pageants. I’m just not sure how he’d handle the speechmaking.

ELBEE Hello?? if anyone has the charisma and leadership skills for public office, it’s me. Gus is cute but he’s a little clueless. Last night I caught him talking very seriously to Riley, not a Dood but the senior member of the pack. I don’t want to seem ageist but I think he should have been getting advice from me and Charley.

CHARLEY Personally, I think that Gus may not be aiming high enough. With the way the current election is going, he might as well run for president. His likeablity rating is much higher than either of the candidates. As for all of the serious stuff, he can hire people. I do have one more bit of advice for him. The self-tanning is just not working.

If I had any doubt that Gus was up to something, my daughter sent me a photo that says it all.

He’s got my granddaughter campaigning for him!!

I Could Have Been a Contender

ELBEE Look at all of these trophies. Don’t I look fabulous with them? Hold your applause. I was set up by a certain Pack Leader. “Why” is a whole other issue.

I had my chance at glory a few years ago when she took me to agility class. I was a natural. I conquered every piece of equipment almost immediately. I ran through tunnels, flew through weave poles, jumped through tires. I started having visions of trophies and TV interviews. Then, a few weeks into class things changed.

OK, I admit that I may have ruined Elbee’s dreams of glory. At first it was going great. I just had to help him with the various stations and cheer him on. We were a team. Then I found out there were going to be two major problems.

First, I was going to have to run around the course with Elbee. As some of you know, running is against my religion. Second, I was supposed to memorize the course so I could lead him around as I was running. This was a recipe for disaster. My sense of direction is worse than my running.

THE DOODS She’s not kidding. When we walk in unfamiliar areas with her, we pee on trees so that we can find our way back.

When the time finally came, we were given ten minutes to memorize the course. I panicked. I’m more of a verbal than a visual kind of learner. Even when I did bodybuilding routines I had to write down every move.

Come to think of it, maybe that’s why I’ve never been asked to appear on Dancing with the Stars. It would take forever to teach me the routines because I wouldn’t be able to pick them up just by watching.

ELBEE Excuse me, Dancing with the Stars? I admit that sometimes I don’t recognize the “stars,” but Pack Leader had a cameo in I Love You Man. What is she thinking? And will you look at this picture. Charley should be on the show. His photo was in the table of contents of The Saturday Evening Post right below Dancing with the Stars! Coincidence? I don’t think so.

I’m sorry to say that Elbee and I became agility drop outs. Even the teacher was sorry to see us go because she got a big laugh out of watching me get lost on the course.

ELBEE For the record, P.L. became a drop out. I didn’t have a ride so I was forced to quit. The good news is that Charley and Gus backed me up and refused to ever watch an agility competition again.

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