Aging – Page 2 – Me and the Doods.com

I Made It!

The title of this post was prematurely optimistic. I wrote it the night before I set off on my annual birthday trek to the beach. To be honest, the day didn’t start off all that well.

First, hoping for a pep talk to get me going, I asked my husband Doug how I was going to do it. His response was, “I don’t know.” Then I accidentally sprayed 70 sunblock in my mouth.

ELBEE She doesn’t realize that at her age, the sun-damage ship has sailed.

Walking from my car up to the trail, it was already so warm that I asked myself, as I always do, if it would be possible to change my birthday to January.

ELBEE Or maybe start a normal tradition like going out to dinner.

At the beginning of the Temescal Ridge Trail, I shared with a random stranger that I was about to start my birthday hike and asked him if he’d mind taking my picture.

ELBEE Aren’t all strangers random?

Coincidentally, a few months ago when I was up in the mountains, a man running by called out, “Aren’t you the lady I saw walking to the beach on her birthday last summer?” He had been one of my photographers! I don’t know if I should have been flattered or concerned that he remembered me.

I have to rely on the kindness of strangers because I am not the queen of the selfie. The best one I took on Saturday, unfortunately, proves my point.

Despite the heat, I was comforted by being in the mountains. The views are picturesque. There is a sense of peace and tranquility. Most of the people I ran into seemed to feel the same way. There was a true sense of camaraderie.

The Hub Junction is kind of a landmark in the Santa Monica Mountains. It’s a little wooden pavilion that provides shade and a place to rest. Of course when I got there I had to ask another stranger for a photo but I also took one of my own, three bikers with dogs in their baskets.

GUS, STANLEY & HENRY Why doesn’t she take us?

ELBEE Hello? Aside from the obvious, she can’t even ride a bike.

The last half hour of the hike is a welcome downhill into the Palisades. The only problem is that it’s narrow and a little rocky so requires a bit of concentration. By the time I navigated my way into Temescal Gateway Park I was delighted to see Doug waiting for me by the car. What made it even better was big sweet Henry with his head out the window ready to offer some comfort and love.

Valentines, Nostalgia (& a Little Flexing)

This was a big sports weekend with the Olympics and the Super Bowl taking place simultaneously. Then came Valentines Day which isn’t a sporting event but is still a major occasion. I’ll explain why that combination made me think of my first bodybuilding competition way back in the eighties.

ELBEE I’m sure it had nothing to do with that flexing in the closet incident last week.

The show was Ms. Heart of California.

ELBEE Okay, I get the valentine/heart thing but I’m not buying it. It was the closet.

I came in third but still received a trophy, the first trophy of my life! I was given a second trophy that read “Most Shapeliest.” I confess the grammar bugged me so much that I had it changed to “Most Symmetrical.”

ELBEE Sadly, she’s not kidding.

My weak attempt at pandemic closet cleaning and sorting, led me to another memory. I found this photo of my late brother Stan with the poet Rod McKuen. Stan, a television director in San Francisco, met him when he made an appearance at the station.

A few mean critics have called McKuen the “King of Kitsch, but I was a huge fan of his poetry and songs, some of them perfect for Valentines Day. Stan used to tease me about it so much, I’m sure he thought it was pretty funny when he surprised me with this picture.

While I was on the nostalgia train, I began thinking about past Valentines Days at UCLA. Traditionally, the PAC dogs, in festive attire, deliver gifts and cards to the patients and staff. They bring the holiday to the hospital.

Last February, due to COVID, we were only able to do virtual visits. I was so hoping that this year would be different. Unfortunately, cases spiked and it wasn’t meant to be. The greatest Valentine present would be if next February, they are able to deliver in-person dog love along with the homemade cards.

On the bright side, I didn’t let it stop me from dressing up the dogs.

ELBEE I’m very proud of the little guy Gus. He’s come a long way since he sort of posed for this photo with me and my brother Charley years ago.

When Was the Last Time You Wore High Heels?

It’s hard to believe that we’ve been dealing with COVID for almost two years. When Punxsutawney Phil stuck his head out on Ground Hog Day, I don’t think he saw his shadow. He just saw the continuing craziness and decided to go back to sleep.

We’re all still searching for ways to cope. Early on so many people took up new hobbies. They learned to paint, to sing or even to sew. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of them. Others became gourmet chefs.

ELBEE She’s lucky if she can find the kitchen.

Some people began cleaning out their houses and reorganizing cupboards. That wasn’t me either. Then, recently, I had an epiphany.

ELBEE That’s a very strong word.

I was sitting in the closet, looking at all of the clothes I hadn’t worn in forever and decided it was time to let some of them go.

ELBEE That’s an epiphany?

It was the shoes that really struck me. There were all sorts of high heels that had been on the shelves for so long they had dust on them. I didn’t know if I could still walk in them. Tennis shoes, casual flats and cozy boots are all I’ve been wearing.

ELBEE They go with her sweats.

Out of curiosity, I texted a friend to ask her the last time she’d worn heels. She couldn’t remember.

As I started to sort through everything, the dogs came in to keep me company. They hang around me and my husband so much I’m not sure if it’s because they miss their hospital visits or think we need therapy. There’s hope that they may be allowed back in later this month.

GUS & STANLEY Let us pray.

While I was hard at work, I happened to glance at the mirror on the wall. For some reason, the lighting in that closet gives very good muscle definition when you flex.

ELBEE Is anyone wondering how she knows that?

It had been a long time since I’d done it but how could a former bodybuilder resist flexing? Was I still the buffest granny on the block?

HENRY What is she doing?

ELBEE Don’t ask.

After about an hour, I decided I needed a break and went outside. Of course the dogs followed. As I was relaxing, Stanley and Henry suddenly stood up next to me and put their paws on the wall. They both looked so tall!

Stanley is fully grown but at eight months, Henry has a ways to go. I realized that with me shrinking and him growing, we could end up the same height.

ELBEE Maybe she should hold on to those high heels!

I Can Still Bench Press the Dogs & Other Things I’m Grateful For

In this uncertain world where watching the news can give you stomach pains, I thought it would be a good idea to focus on the positive.

ELBEE That is way too much information.

First, thank you to my husband Doug, my daughters, sons-in-law and grandchildren. My life would have so many empty spaces without you. A shout out to Jennifer for doing Thanksgiving. I am grateful that we could be together and that all I had to bring were my fabulous stuffing and sweet potatoes.

ELBEE Seriously?

Thank you to Doug for his steady support during the pandemic and for coming to terms with the fact that Henry is getting larger by the day

I truly appreciate the friends in my life. COVID-19 made it difficult for us to see each other but I always knew you were there. When you shared that my writing was bringing you joy, you brought me joy.

I am also grateful for the memories of family and friends who are gone but whose loving presence guides me. I will always hear the laughter of my brother Stan and my dear friend Eileen.

The mountains are still my spiritual space, my sanctuary. Standing on an overlook with the ocean in the distance gives me peace. Thank you to my mountain friends. We may not know each others’ names but I treasure our camaraderie.

I want to acknowledge the older couple who have made it their mission to clean up trash on the trails. I frequently see them coming down with bags full which is inspiring but sad at the same time.

Thank you to the bike riders who have finally gotten bells and actually say “thank you” when you move over to let them pass instead of trying to run you down.

ELBEE She can’t get past her issues with the bikers and that last statement is a bit sarcastic for a gratitude list.

I am deeply grateful that I have been able resume in-person visits with Gus and Stanley. A year and a half of Zoom calls was better than nothing but seeing them interact with patients, family and staff is heartwarming. I have been so touched by the incredible welcome back that we have received at UCLA and at Tarzana Hospital.

I feel so fortunate to be able to continue on this therapy dog journey that began fifteen years ago with Charley and then Elbee. The Doods have taught me about kindness, healing and unconditional love. They have filled me with gratitude.

ELBEE Finally it’s about us.

And I can still bench press them!

HENRY I didn’t sign up for this.

ELBEE I feel your pain.

Doug and Stanley

I was going to take this week off in honor of my big birthday, but then Doug, my husband, and Stanley had a moment that I really wanted to share.

ELBEE Her first birthday card was from a hearing aid company saying that she might want to stop in if that tells you anything.

Starting as far back as Charley, Doug has been supportive of my work with the dogs, but it wasn’t until recently that he became a true believer. Over the years, as a surgeon at Providence Tarzana, he saw faces light up when the dogs were in the hospital and he heard special stories about their visits.

Back when we were still taking polaroids, one of his elderly patients clutched a picture of Charley to her chest as she was wheeled into the operating room. When she awoke in recovery, the photo was the first thing she asked for.

When I’d bring one of them to his office, the whole atmosphere would change. Patients in the waiting room would forget they were waiting.

In the past few years the dogs have become very popular in the clinic where my husband is working. He had a birthday recently, and although he’s not big on celebrations, the staff insisted on a little party, of course with Gus and Stanley in attendance. They made everyone’s day.

GUS & STANLEY We were the center of attention. It was fabulous.

Despite having seen the dogs in action for so long, it was a quieter moment that turned my husband into a true believer. We were watching America’s Got Talent when it happened.

ELBEE Yes, that is their guilty pleasure. She still thinks she’s going to be discovered. Oy!

With three adorable children waiting in the wings, a tall, handsome 51 year old man was sharing his story. He revealed that his wife had been killed in the helicopter crash that had taken Kobe Bryant and eight other people. When he began to sing an emotional version of “Take a Look at Me Now,” it brought everyone, including Doug, to tears.

Stanley, who was relaxing on the outside deck, suddenly came running into the bedroom. With the hot summer weather, he loves to cool off out there and generally has to be convinced to come inside. That evening, somehow sensing what was going on, he went right to my husband and began leaning on him. Like Charley before him, Stanley was offering the “comfort lean.”

The look of amazement on Doug’s face said it all. As he stood there with Stanley pressed against his legs, he felt his intuition and his pure desire to help. In an unexpected setting, he had experienced the magic of dog therapy.

Our Pandemic Journey

My friend Donna, human mom to Gus’s buddies Tommy and Finley, said that my blog over the past year has been like a journal of the COVID experience. I started looking at old posts and realized just how much the pandemic had influenced almost everything that I’d written.

This opening paragraph from “The Universe is Knocking” on March 6, 2020, is my first real acknowledgment of what was happening. “The universe truly seems to have gone crazy this week. COVID-19 is causing fear, chaos, and plain old stress. People are in masks. Market shelves are empty. Restaurants are closed.” Still, I was almost naive about the extent of what was to come.

For a time, with all of the death and devastation, I felt it might not be appropriate to write my posts, but friends encouraged me to keep at it. They needed the break and sometimes a lighter perspective.

For instance, in the spirit of honesty, I wondered if the masks were making us look younger.

ELBEE That’s a no brainer. When she hikes maskless now she’s getting more of those “good job” comments reserved for old people on the trails.

I shared photos of the touching and sometimes funny chalk art that popped up. It was a way for people to communicate while still staying distanced.

When the shelter in place orders went into effect, the time we’d all spent with our dogs in the past paled in comparison. Gus and Stanley couldn’t go into the hospital but they became my personal therapy dogs 24/7. I even used them in my exercise routines.

GUS & STANLEY It was exhausting.

I wrote quite a bit about Zoom. As if reality wasn’t hard enough, all of a sudden “virtual” reality was a thing. Gus and Stanley began doing regular Zoom visits with the kids in the neuropsych units at UCLA while I, like so many others, struggled with technology.

Having them just sit in front of the computer wasn’t going to cut it, so out came the hats. sunglasses and ties. No trick was too silly if it made the kids laugh. On the bright side, would I ever have danced with Stanley if not for those visits?

ELBEE Probably.

Over the past year, aside from sharing the positive moments, I have also been honest about the emotional challenges. Depression, anxiety and insomnia have been much more prevalent. We are all trying to cope.

Now that we are slowly coming-out of it, there is still so much confusion and uncertainty.

ELBEE Like do you put on make up if you’re not sure if you’re going to be wearing a mask?

Seriously, as this difficult journey is winding down, let’s continue to offer each other compassion and support. Let’s lead with love and kindness.

(Photo by Doug Morrow😀)

My Epic Fail

In the past few weeks, with cautious optimism becoming more pervasive, people are really reaching out. Even with masks and distancing, when I’m walking with Gus and Stanley we have so many interactions that it’s almost like it was before COVID turned life upside down. More than ever, it makes me look forward to the day that we can return to in-person hospital visits.

A film crew we passed said that Gus and Stanley were just the break they needed.

GUS & STANLEY Unfortunately, when they told her what show they were filming, she said “I didn’t know that was still on.” We were so embarrassed. It could have been our big break.

An elderly woman, walking with her daughter on her way to physical therapy, stopped and said she’d rather get dog therapy. Another woman asked if she could take a picture of the dogs for her kids.

ELBEE Sorry but I fail to see how this socializing is a fail.

Here’s the problem. People are putting a positive spin on this past difficult year by sharing the things that they’ve accomplished. Some of us have not been quite as productive.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard that someone has taken up a new hobby, from photography to knitting to painting. I have no new hobbies. I tried going back to yoga but got nauseous doing it in front of the computer. Then I gave meditation a shot but kept falling asleep. I was told that was avoidance.

Other people have told me how they’ve totally cleaned house. They’ve gone through closets, old photos, cupboards. I’ve barely cleaned out the refrigerator.

As for cooking, I didn’t realize that I knew so many gourmets. They even grow their own herbs. My friend Shelli texted a photo of an absolutely beautiful meal that she’d prepared. I texted back a photo of Gus and a take out container.

One area where I have improved over the past year is hiking. More than ever the mountains have been my escape, my healing place, my sanctuary. It’s also my favorite place to do push-ups. Not to brag but some of my younger hiking buddies have referred to me as the “beast.”

ELBEE I’m sure that her being a senior has nothing do to with that.

I’ve also reached a new level of connection with Gus and Stanley. Okay, I admit that some friends have taught their dogs so many new tricks that they’ve received on-line certificates. I haven’t taught Gus or Stanley one new trick but I have bench pressed them.

We’ve done so many zoom calls together that it would be difficult for me to do one on my own. To top it off, with all of the time we’ve spent together over the past several months, I now speak dog.

GUS & STANLEY No, she doesn’t.

I’m So Over It

Since COVID-19 reared its ugly head, we have all gone through so much together. We have mourned the unimaginable loss of life. We have worried about family and friends. We have gained new respect for front line workers. We have missed things we took for granted like haircuts and hugs.

In the beginning there was a sense of disbelief. Then it all began to sink in as life as we knew it changed from month to month. Talking to other people, yes, many on Zoom which I’d never heard of before, I realized how many of us were going through the same stages.

In September, pandemic brain set in. There was some forgetfulness, with a dash of anxiety and depression. Insomnia was a given. We felt like we looked pretty good without makeup and that matching masks made our outfits. We were walking our dogs five times a day.

By December, we were feeling pandemic fatigue. There was a sense of exhaustion as the numbers climbed and the holidays were put on hold. I did laundry on new years eve.

ELBEE That is very responsible but sad.

We still have a long way to go until we reach the new normal. It’s hard to be patient and deal with the restrictions. The unbelievable is still the reality.

More and more I hear people saying, “I’m so over it.” They want to move on. I can’t disagree. Not to minimize the big picture, but the day to day changes are wearing thin. Here are some of my issues.

ELBEE Again with the issues.

I’m tired of constantly being referred to as the “elderly.”

ELBEE If the orthopedic shoe fits, wear it.

I look better in makeup. I want to wear it when I go out instead of in front of the computer.

ELBEE Amen to that.

As for masks, I have to remind myself that they’re a safety precaution and not a fashion choice. I never even liked wearing them on Halloween.

GUS & STANLEY She has that black sequined one that’s quite attractive.

I’m tired of not recognizing people in their masks and looking like a robber when I go into the bank. I wish that I could just run into the market without taking my life in my hands.

I’m also wish that I could share the Doods in person and not just on Zoom. I want to let them be social on our walks. I want to take them back into the hospital so that patients can cuddle with them.

I confess that with all of the sheltering in place, Gus, Stanley and I have become very codependent but I don’t have an issue with that.

GUS & STANLEY Sorry but we could use a little alone time.

We may be “over it” but we have to do what it takes to hang in there. If that means playing cards with your dogs, go for it.

Set design and photos by Doug Morrow

ELBEE Seriously?

A Rough Day at the Beach

Generally I try to keep my posts positive, especially now. More and more people are talking about how stressed they feel and how much they need a time out. Whether they’re on the front lines like my daughter Nicole working in the ICU or have kids in virtual school at home like my youngest, Danielle, people are doing their best to hang in there but it’s tough.

It’s inspiring to see how many are reaching out to help each other cope. This week, unfortunately, I had an incident with someone who definitely wasn’t. I apologize but I need to vent.

With the unseasonably warm weather, my husband and I took the dogs down to the beach. While he went to sit on the sand and watch the huge waves, I went for a walk with Gus and Stanley on a path that runs along the ocean. It felt safe because there were no bikes allowed and almost everyone we passed was wearing a mask.

As I was starting to relax and enjoy the day, a teenage boy, without a mask, came barreling toward us on his bike. I pulled the dogs close and turned my back to him. That’s when he yelled at me in language that I won’t even repeat as he sped by. He went so low as to use the “old” word.

ELBEE That’s what really got her.

I admit the “old” word was unsettling, Who yells at a grandma walking her dogs? And so much for my theory that a mask makes you look younger.

Thank goodness I had Gus and Stanley with me for support. Neither one would make a very good guard dog. Gus sprints past houses where dogs have barked at him. Still, in that situation I felt less vulnerable with them at my side. Stanley leaned against me, probably keeping me from saying something totally inappropriate in response.

I debated about sharing this but sadly that encounter is such a sign of the times. What I truly find sad is that this is not an isolated incident. There is so much divisiveness when we all really need to come together. We hear the rhetoric but when it becomes that personal, it’s disturbing.

Once we got home, Gus and Stanley went into therapy dog overdrive. They followed me around the house (even more so than usual). Gus nudged me with his paws. Stanley threw himself down next to me.

The behavior of the dogs is so instinctual and so kind. I personally benefited from it that day. I also see it whenever Gus and Stanley or their buddies in the People Animal Connection are visiting in the hospital. There are lessons we can learn from them about unconditional love and acceptance.

Photo credit to Doug Morrow

An Inconvenient Necessity

For me, like for so many others, coping with the normal day to day activities is difficult enough during this pandemic. Then, on top of it all, a necessary inconvenience popped up to make it even more challenging. My driver license was going to expire! They gave me an automatic extension, but it wasn’t going to last forever.

You may be thinking, no big deal, just do it on line. The problem is that when you’re a person of a certain age, you have to make a guest appearance at the DMV, pandemic or no pandemic.

ELBEE Guest appearance?

Realizing there could be a written test, I got hold of the California Driver Handbook and glanced through it.

GUS & STANLEY Glanced through it? She almost forgot to feed us for two days.

ELBEE Her grandson Ryan is getting his license soon and she tried to get him to form a study group.

I made an appointment to renew my license which fortunately put me in a much shorter line when I arrived at the DMV office. A security guard was doing his best to keep things light as he was socially distancing everyone.

We were all in masks, so he’d ask the “guy in the Dodger hat” to move left or the “woman in the pony tail” to step back. All of a sudden, glancing at me, he started to tell someone to stand behind the “older,” and was about to say “woman,” caught himself and said “attractive blonde.”

ELBEE Is that a bad news/good news story.

Once inside, things went smoothly. I was directed from station to station, filling out the necessary paperwork. Still nervous about the written test, I got the news that made my day. Due to all of the temporary DMV closures that had taken place, they weren’t giving the test.

I also picked up some helpful information. I was getting my real ID too and had brought tons of paperwork to prove who I was and where I lived. The woman behind the counter looked at my cable TV bill, leaned in and whispered, “you’re paying way too much.”

There was one more major hurdle before I was home free, the dreaded photo. Not only was it years since I’d had my license picture taken but I’d been wearing a mask all morning. Need I say more.

I was going to ask if they provided hair and makeup but judging by the attitude of the person with the camera, I didn’t think that was going to cut it. I gave it my best shot, left with my temporary license in hand and tried to forget about it.

Problem is, the new license with the new photo arrived in the mail a week later. It now identifies me and I have to live with it. Fortunately, I don’t get carded very often.

ELBEE Wonder if she knows it’s illegal to try and superimpose her old photo on her new license?