Grandmothers – Me and the Doods.com

The Good, the Bad, the Happy, the Sad (In No Particular Order)

By no stretch of the imagination am I a morning person but there I was yesterday out with Stanley before seven a.m. Blame it on the heat wave which, as far as I’m concerned, absolutely sucks.

Around the corner, I ran into a woman whom I know casually from walking in the neighborhood. She loves the Doods.

ELBEE She doesn’t even know her name but they chat like old friends.

As she stopped to pet Stanley, we commiserated about the weather. She admitted that it was really depressing her. I was so relieved to hear her say that because I’ve been feeling the same way! It’s true that misery loves company.

ELBEE Seriously? She was relieved to hear that someone was depressed?

Unfortunately, I’ve seen people walking their dogs during the heat of the day, not realizing that the sidewalks are hot enough to burn their paws. There has been a lot about it in the news but in good conscience I just wanted to mention it.

Now, on to the positive.

ELBEE Finally!

Gus and Henry worked a special event together. A few weeks ago, Henry had his first official “gig” with the Turner-UCLA Internship, a program for high school kids interested in careers in health care. It went so well the last time, I thought why not bring two.

ELBEE Notice how her hair looks like Gus and Henry’s?

Kristen from PAC gave a great talk and showed a moving video, followed by a question and answer session, but the kids’ interactions with the dogs taught them more about the human/animal bond than any words ever could.

By the way, Gus isn’t in the photos because he was sprawled on the floor for belly rubs.

In my last post, I wrote about a minor miracle. In a matter of hours, my seven year old grandson Ryder went from being terrified of the dogs to dressing them up in costume and posing for pictures. It began when my son-in-law Jay thought that Henry’s gentle nature might help.

The change was absolutely amazing. I told Ryder that I was very proud of him and asked how he did it. His response was, “I have no idea.” I am happy to say that it just got better and better.

On a bittersweet note, July twenty-second marked twenty seven years since my brother Stan passed. Although it’s incredibly sad that he left us so early, his funny, caring spirit is always with me. Come to think of it, as a total animal lover, he may have had a part in Ryder’s change of heart.

Halloween in July

This week’s post was nearly finished but then an unexpected grandkids/dogs encounter was too much fun not to share.

My daughter Danielle, her husband Jay and their kids Bella and Ryder arrived from San Jose this morning. Bella loves the dogs. Seven year old Ryder, not so much. He’s never been a fan of dogs, especially large, long-haired ones that crave attention. Doodles do not like to be ignored.

Ryder’s reaction has always been one of sheer terror. We had to make sure that he and the dogs stayed in totally separate parts of the house or we’d hear a lot of yelling. Over time, he’d kind of gotten used to Gus and even nicknamed him “Cloud.” Big Stanley was still “Pain in the Butt.” Then giant Henry joined the pack.

You can only imagine the chaos today with the three dogs wanting to greet everyone and Ryder wanting to go home. For awhile we kept them as far apart as possible. Then Jay, who hadn’t seen Henry since he was a slightly goofy puppy, was so taken with how calm he’d become, he thought that Henry might be the way to help Ryder overcome his fear.

It was a process, but with Jay’s encouragement, Ryder ended up sitting quietly with Henry and petting him. Eventually, I’m truly not sure how it happened, Ryder was in the bedroom with all three. With Bella’s help, I started showing some of the dogs’ silly photos to Ryder. Then I brought out their basket of props, always a hit with the children we visit in the hospital.

Before I knew it, my grandkids were putting funny glasses and headbands on themselves and on the dogs. They got very excited when I asked if they wanted to see the special dresser where I kept the dogs’ holiday costumes.

As soon as Ryder found the Halloween drawer, he was ready for a photo shoot. He started pulling out accessories, planning it all. He even ran upstairs to find more. It was incredible to watch him.

Since Danielle is an excellent photographer, we enlisted her to do the honors. Against her will, she agreed. She kept apologizing to the dogs as I dressed them up and mumbled about reporting me to PETA. I think I also heard the words, “crazy grandma.”

Getting them all in front of the fireplace was a little chaotic but there was so much laughter. Watching Ryder go from screaming about the dogs to posing with all three with a smile on his face was a little miracle.

It’s My Birthday and I’ll Hike If I Want To

ELBEE Why does that title make me want to sing?

Several years ago, I began the tradition of doing a challenging birthday hike. The first one was up a really steep local trail nicknamed the “butt burner.” After a few years, I realized that July was not the best month for that.

ELBEE Her daughters put it a little differently. “Mom, are you insane?”

I thought about changing my birthday to November but then came up with a much simpler plan. I’d hike from the San Fernando Valley to the sea, going from the heat to the ocean breezes. It’s worked out pretty well so far but this month there has basically been a national heat wave. I briefly reconsidered, then, decided to go for it.

ELBEE Guess what her daughters had to say about that.

I’m happy to report that I’m home safe and sound, except for a few cuts and bruises, and did not have to be rescued by helicopter. That will never happen because the first thing they do is give your age on the news. Then people comment, “What was that old lady doing up there in this weather?”

For some reason, that reminds me of an annoying commercial. A gray haired woman of a certain age, whatever that means, says, “Age is just a number and mine is unlisted.” I should try out for that. I can be annoying. By the way, thank you to my granddaughter Bella who finds me “entertaining” rather than annoying.

Back to the hike. It was wonderful, tiring, but wonderful. The views, as always, were a gift. There was such a feeling of freedom. Being in the mountains for my birthday gives me time to reflect.

ELBEE Once again she asked a total stranger to take her picture.

There is a sense of challenge when I start out in Reseda and a sense of accomplishment when I arrive at Temescal Gateway Park. For the moment, aging is on the back burner.

As he did last year, my husband Doug picked me up at the “finish line,” with Henry along for the ride. It’s like a birthday present. It’s also a sweet part of the tradition. He even brought the silly sunglasses.

GUS & STANLEY Sorry to break the mood but we feel very left out. Why didn’t Doug bring us? We’re extremely festive.

New Year’s Resolutions Made Easy

**Discussing my resolutions** **with Stanley & Henry. They don’t judge!**

So many people stress over their New Year’s resolutions then feel like total failures when they blow them a week later. I’ve figured out the secret to success. Just make your resolutions easier. I’ll share some of mine, in no particular order, to show you how it’s done.

1. Cook less.

ELBEE I don’t think that’s possible.

2. Stop eating chocolate. I’m kidding.

3. Now that I’m back to regular gym workouts, go for Guiness Book of Records “Strongest Granny.”

ELBEE There is no such thing.

4.Bench press Henry before he can bench press me. It’s a long shot but I need some challenges.

5. Get Henry certified as a therapy dog so that he can share the love like Gus and Stanley.

6. Teach each dog a new trick.

7. Do a headstand once a week and touch my toes once a day. Notice, as in resolution 6, I’m keeping the numbers low.

8. Sing more.

ELBEE Hopefully not karaoke!

9. When struggling up a really steep trail, don’t take it as an age crack when someone says, “good job,” or “keep it up.”

10. Speaking of age, follow the advice of my late Grandma Lil who said, “Stand up straight and walk fast so no one will know your age.” She wore high heels at 80!

11. Be nicer to bikers who come barreling down single track trails with no bells, or at least don’t swear at them.

ELBEE She will never get past that issue no matter how many resolutions she makes.

12. Climb Stunt Ridge. I haven’t done it in years and the challenge would do me good..

13. Figure out football.

14. And here’s a suggestion. Resolve not to make any New Year’s resolutions!

I am grateful to say that 2023 started on a positive note. My friend Donna and I took Gus and his buddies Tommy and Finley into UCLA to visit. Their wagging tails and loving demeanor brought a happy new year to everyone they met.

Wishing you all a wonderful, happy, healthy new year!

Grandmas Just Wanna Have Fun

Being a grandma is a great gig. You get all of the rewards without all of the work. As a mom, you have so many responsibilities and need some skills. As a grandma you can just have fun. Throw dogs into the mix and it’s a party.

Danielle, the youngest daughter, her husband Jay and their kids Bella and Ryder were here from San Jose this week. It was an especially wonderful reunion because COVID has made visiting so difficult over the past two years.

There was only one small snag. Our house is very “dog centric,” and six year old Ryder, to put it mildly, is not a fan of dogs, especially large ones. Danielle and Jay were hoping that spending time with the Doods again might be a turning point.

He’d met Gus and Stanley before and almost likes Gus because he’s little and cute. His only encounters with Henry were on Facebook.

Initially there was a lot of yelling and screaming.

ELBEE That was her.

Little by little Ryder made progress. He came out of the bedroom and played where the dogs could see him but couldn’t get to him. He posed for photos. He even petted Henry once or twice.

Eight year old Bella, on the other hand, loves the dogs and they love her. Not only was she petting and hugging them, she wanted to play dress up.

Despite the fact that it was Bella’s idea, Danielle blamed it on me, just because I have drawers full of accessories and never hesitate to use them. I mean who doesn’t love a dog in a tiara and sunglasses?

ELBEE Her daughters want to report her to PETA but I’m on team dress up.

Then we decided it would be fun to dress them up for different holidays. I got so carried away that even the kids were a bit concerned.

ELBEE I heard Danielle telling them “Grandma isn’t weird. She’s just eccentric.”

This photo says it all. What more could I ask for! I actually think it was good for Ryder. He got so into the spirit of what we were doing that he almost forgot about the dogs, although he did stay very close to Gus.

ELBEE Personally I think he had FOMO. For you old people, that’s “fear of missing out.”

When I asked Danielle to send me a few of her photos, I realized just how “dog centric” the visit had been. Except for one, they were literally all of the grandkids with the dogs. I don’t know how Doug managed to sneak into this one.

Celebrate Love & Kindness

On Wednesday, driving to UCLA, I was still reeling from the unspeakable tragedy in Texas. I was also concerned about the kids in neuropsych whom Gus was going to be visiting. Fortunately, when we arrived, I found out that they had been temporarily sheltered from the news.

It turned out to be a beautiful morning with Gus. He was at the top of his game, literally smiling and showing off his tiny teeth as he rolled over for belly rubs. The kids under twelve were as happy as Gus. It was as if they were feeding off of each others’ energy.

The teens were equally engaged, fun and enthusiastic. They shared stories about their dogs and asked how to teach them tricks. But looking into their eyes as we chatted on the outside deck, I worried. Many of them are emotionally fragile so I couldn’t imagine how they would process the news, even with the help of the therapists.

Two of my grandchildren are teenagers so the next day I asked my daughter how they were handling it. She said that, of course, they were sad and upset but they weren’t shocked. Their school has “active shooter” drills. When I was growing up in Syracuse, all we had was the occasional fire drill.

Fortuitously, after leaving our units we headed outside to help celebrate Unity and Kindness Day. It was a UCLA Health event being held in conjunction with Nurses’ Month and Mental Health Awareness Month. A few of the People Animal Connection dogs and a miniature horse were perfect additions to the festivities.

Health care workers were selecting random acts of kindness or writing customized messages on pieces of paper to hang on a golden ring. It was to showcase their good intentions in the coming days. A chaplain quieted the crowd to speak movingly about what is going on in the world. Then he asked for a moment of silence.

As I sat down at my computer today, I wanted to write something positive and respectful, almost like another moment of silence. I hoped that a feel good post would bring some comfort without trivializing the senseless loss of life. We need to reach out to each other with love and kindness, in the hope that we will find unity.

The Dog Princess

This weekend for the first time in over a year, we hugged Danielle, the youngest daughter, her husband and their kids. They drove down from San Jose to visit. We have done a ton of FaceTime during the pandemic but in person was so much better.

Seeing us was supposedly the reason for the trip but something else tipped the scale in our favor. Jason Mraz, Danielle’s favorite singer in the entire world, was doing a drive-in concert in Anaheim.

ELBEE She has been to see him so many times that he probably considers her a stalker.

As a bonus, grandma and grandpa could babysit while they were at the show, a plus for them and for us. There was only one major flaw in this whole plan. Five year old Ryder is not a fan of big dogs.

Ironically, a few years ago, pre-Stanley, when his sister Bella was only four and Ryder was too young to really care, we had a very similar situation. Gus, who is small, cute and cuddly won her over almost without trying. Elbee on the other hand, looked like a Yeti to her. There was a lot of yelling.

ELBEE I have never really gotten over that.

Things might have stayed chaotic if my older granddaughter, Samantha, hadn’t come over and given Elbee a huge hug. Then she somehow convinced Bella that it was okay to be in the same room with him. She even got her to pet him.

I am delighted to share that Bella, at seven, is now a total animal lover. She was incredible with the dogs. Gus, of course, wasn’t a problem but she was comfortable with Stanley too. He became a Bella lover and started following her all over the house. We even did a special photo session.

ELBEE These made the daughter question her grandparenting skills.

When they first arrived, her brother Ryder was happy to see Gus but wanted nothing to do with Stanley. He would have preferred to have him banished to the yard. There was one brief moment when he sort of petted him but as soon as Stanley showed the least bit of excitement it was all over.

STANLEY I was so confused. People usually love me.

Ryder did a self-imposed exile. This photo may look like he’s in jail but it was at his request. It was to keep Stanley out of his territory

Now if you’re waiting for the miraculous happy ending where Ryder turns it around and becomes Stanley’s best friend, keep waiting. To put it mildly, he’s still not a fan of big dogs.

As they were leaving this morning, he called goodbye to Gus and told him that he could come visit any time. Stanley was not mentioned in the invitation. Fortunately, Stanley has a special friend in Bella who named herself the “Dog Princess.”

A Rough Day at the Beach

Generally I try to keep my posts positive, especially now. More and more people are talking about how stressed they feel and how much they need a time out. Whether they’re on the front lines like my daughter Nicole working in the ICU or have kids in virtual school at home like my youngest, Danielle, people are doing their best to hang in there but it’s tough.

It’s inspiring to see how many are reaching out to help each other cope. This week, unfortunately, I had an incident with someone who definitely wasn’t. I apologize but I need to vent.

With the unseasonably warm weather, my husband and I took the dogs down to the beach. While he went to sit on the sand and watch the huge waves, I went for a walk with Gus and Stanley on a path that runs along the ocean. It felt safe because there were no bikes allowed and almost everyone we passed was wearing a mask.

As I was starting to relax and enjoy the day, a teenage boy, without a mask, came barreling toward us on his bike. I pulled the dogs close and turned my back to him. That’s when he yelled at me in language that I won’t even repeat as he sped by. He went so low as to use the “old” word.

ELBEE That’s what really got her.

I admit the “old” word was unsettling, Who yells at a grandma walking her dogs? And so much for my theory that a mask makes you look younger.

Thank goodness I had Gus and Stanley with me for support. Neither one would make a very good guard dog. Gus sprints past houses where dogs have barked at him. Still, in that situation I felt less vulnerable with them at my side. Stanley leaned against me, probably keeping me from saying something totally inappropriate in response.

I debated about sharing this but sadly that encounter is such a sign of the times. What I truly find sad is that this is not an isolated incident. There is so much divisiveness when we all really need to come together. We hear the rhetoric but when it becomes that personal, it’s disturbing.

Once we got home, Gus and Stanley went into therapy dog overdrive. They followed me around the house (even more so than usual). Gus nudged me with his paws. Stanley threw himself down next to me.

The behavior of the dogs is so instinctual and so kind. I personally benefited from it that day. I also see it whenever Gus and Stanley or their buddies in the People Animal Connection are visiting in the hospital. There are lessons we can learn from them about unconditional love and acceptance.

Photo credit to Doug Morrow

Pandemic Fatigue

Like seemingly everyone I’ve spoken to this week, I’m feeling pandemic fatigue. Of course a large part of it is dealing with the unimaginable loss of life. It’s hard to believe that those ever-growing numbers represent loved ones who are gone, leaving empty spaces. It’s difficult to see the toll it’s taking on front line workers.

There is also a more mundane and maybe selfish side to the fatigue. When the rules changed in March, who would have ever believed that in December we’d be living in this surreal world. Things we took for granted like going to the movies or the gym are virtually impossible.

Speaking of virtual, most of my visits with family and friends are on the computer. Social distancing has kept us physically if not emotionally apart. Instead of asking the daughters if they want to come over, I ask “Can you FaceTime later?” What I wouldn’t give to hug them. Gus and Stanley have done so many virtual visits, that when they see my laptop on the floor, they know it’s their time to shine.

Now that I’ve vented, let me see if I can help with a note of positivity.

ELBEE Thank goodness. She was dragging me down a really deep hole.

I was taking Gus and Stanley for one of our regular walks up a residential street that leads into the surrounding mountains. All of a sudden I heard very loud music coming from a black Jeep parked by the side of the road. Then I saw her. A young girl with buzzed hair and a great figure, wearing a sports bra and tights, was dancing by the open driver’s door.

She wasn’t just doing a few steps. She was doing full on hip hop, moving with abandon. She circled around the car and then danced into the middle of the road. It was like a music video with no cameras filming.

In normal times I probably would have been more surprised but during the pandemic, the unusual has become expected. The grandma in me would have been concerned that she was all over the street but instead I was a little jealous.

ELBEE Probably because she looked so fabulous.

There was a part of me that wanted to join in.

GUS & STANLEY That would have been so embarrassing. We’re pretty well known in the neighborhood.

Fortunately, I came to my senses. My last dance class was ballet when I was pregnant with Danielle and it wasn’t pretty.

As I continued to watch her an expression came to mind, “dance like no one is watching.” That’s exactly what she was doing. Focusing on the music and the movement seemed to be giving her such freedom and joy. In these difficult days, don’t we all need something to bring us to that place.

My Friend Dennis

My friend Dennis is kind, understanding and a good listener. Best of all he is really funny. He is the one who came to my defense and told my granddaughter that I was “unconventional” when the oldest daughter told her that I was “cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.”

Right now he is a COVID-19 warrior. He battled the illness at home for a week and then in the hospital for several days. It made it very real when someone close to me, someone I love and care deeply about, was directly affected. I hear disturbing stories from Nicole, the daughter who is an ICU nurse, but this put a face on the virus.

I am his honorary bubbie. On the countless hours that we’ve spent hiking we’ve talked about anything and everything. There is no judgment. We adhere strictly to the unspoken rule that “what we say on the trail stays on the trail.” He does trail pushups with me whether he wants to or not. When I’m about to yell at a biker who has flown by with no bell, Dennis tells me to let it go into the universe.

ELBEE I can’t believe she’s still having biker issues.

Of course, he is also a dog lover. We text so much during Westminster that we could be doing color commentary. Last year he lost his 19 year old Italian Greyhound who could probably have rivaled the Doods for being the most spoiled dog in town.

Speaking of the Doods, Dennis has known them all. He has supported my work with them and cheered on my writing about them. The picture on the left is a throwback photo from a Red Cross Gala with Dennis and Charley, my very first therapy dog. The one on the right is with Stanley when he was still just a big puppy on one of his first official hikes.

**Dennis & Charley, My First Therapy Dog**

**Dennis & Stanley, My 4th Therapy Dog**

What has impressed and amazed me throughout Dennis’s difficult journey is his attitude. He has stayed positive as he has dealt with each challenge. He doesn’t give in to self pity. When the daughters checked in with him, he was appreciative. When the youngest sent him a get well video from her kids, he said that it cheered him up.

He has also maintained his sense of humor. We joked when the hospital served him chicken soup, that it was “Jewish penicillin.” When he felt well enough, He sent funny memes and silly texts from his hospital bed.

Dennis is home now but still toughing it out. COVID is very demanding. Still, his main complaint this week was that his cable was out which made binge watching his favorite shows impossible.

I have a special request for anyone reading this post. I would really appreciate it if you would take a moment to send love, positivity and healing energy to my fabulous friend Dennis.