daughters – Page 3 – Me and the Doods.com

Flexing with Old Friends

Recently, I had the joy of meeting up with old friends Ray and Tammy, two of my favorite people. They were a huge part of one of the craziest times of my life…the bodybuilding years.

ELBEE Why is she bringing up ancient history? By the way, she’s much older.

Our friendship goes back to the 80’s when women were supposed to be doing aerobics. Having spent several years in the aftermath of a near-fatal auto accident, struggling to recover from injuries, including countless broken bones in my face and a blood clot on my brain, I needed more. I joined a hard-core weight lifting gym.

By the time I walked into that gym with a friend, most of my physical injuries had healed but I was a ninety pound weakling with issues of self-esteem and self-confidence. I was also a carpool mom with three little girls.

ELBEE This is kind of pathetic. I tried to stop her from writing this post but there’s only so much I can do.

I was so intimidated by all of the big strong people throwing heavy weights around that when my friend left, I wanted to turn around and run. A couple of things kept me going. First, I was desperate. Second, Ray, the bodybuilder/manager, and Tammy, his then girlfriend, took me under their wings. They even let me bring the daughters with me while I trained.

ELBEE I think they felt sorry for her.

After I began to develop muscles and strength, Tammy and Ray convinced me to enter a bodybuilding competition. They were there to cheer me on when, terrified, I stepped onto the stage for my first show.

Then, I’m not sure how it happened, I think Tammy made us do it, Ray and I began competing in mixed pairs wearing matching bathing suits and fake orange tans. We learned a signature lift from a gymnast friend and even won some titles. Along the way we gave each other the nicknames Musclehead and Dingbat.

ELBEE Don’t ask.

Ray and Tammy moved out of state but we’ve kept in touch over the years. When we met at a local park a few weeks ago, there was so much laughter as we reminisced. We shared stories about the characters who used to train at that little gym, some of whom have been in jail. It was like one big dysfunctional family.

Last week I wrote about connection. Spending time with Ray and Tammy was truly about the importance of connection. They are such an integral part of my life story. In retrospect, I admit that the bodybuilding competitions seem a bit, okay a lot, crazy but the memories we share are priceless.

And did you think that Ray and I would let the morning go by without flexing?

GUS & STANLEY We were so confused

A Morning of Love and Gratitude

Wednesday, for nurse appreciation day, six of the PAC dogs, three in Santa Monica and three in Westwood, did in person hospital visits. Normally, it would have been considered a special event, but since it was the first time the dogs had been back in over a year, it was a cause for celebration.

From the moment I checked in with Stanley and met up with his “co-workers,” Kennedy and Oliver, in the outdoor courtyard, there was a pervasive feeling of joy. The dogs were just as excited to be back as everyone was to have them back.

I spoke with several of the nurses and no matter their specialty, they shared how difficult the pandemic has been. It was even apparent from their tone of voice. Hard working and dedicated, nurses have always been heroes but this past year they have become super heroes. They were grateful to have us there. I felt gratitude at having the opportunity to say thank you.

As one person after another interacted with the dogs, I saw pure delight. They all smiled as they took photos, petted and hugged the dogs. The stress temporarily melted away. Over the last several months I’ve written about the dogs doing Zoom visits, but that morning I was overwhelmed as I was reminded of their simple in-person power.

Stanley also had a touching moment with a patient. A young man, who, I believe, was going through extensive cancer treatment, and his dad walked outside to see the dogs. Total dog lovers, we all laughed when the boy said he’d really question a relationship if his sweet dog growled at the girl. Despite the light conversation, Stanley sensed what the boy was going through physically and spent the whole time giving him the “lean.”

Later in the day, I was telling Nicole, my middle daughter who is an ICU nurse, about the visit. After an incredibly trying year taking care of innumerable COVID patients, she truly understood the emotion of the morning.

Going through a rough time herself, she asked me to share this message. She wants to reach out to others who are coping with the aftermath of the past year. She’d like them to know that what they are going through is real. There is no shame in reaching out for help.

Last weekend, after a few particularly difficult days with multiple unexplainable symptoms, she came to sleep over. As she, my husband and I put it all together, it became clear that she has a form of PTSD. It was almost a relief to have figured it out.

Acknowledging what she is dealing with, she is getting help and has developed coping mechanisms. She wants her fellow nurses and other front line workers to know that they are not alone. Offering each other love, support and understanding is an important step in moving forward.

The Dog Princess

This weekend for the first time in over a year, we hugged Danielle, the youngest daughter, her husband and their kids. They drove down from San Jose to visit. We have done a ton of FaceTime during the pandemic but in person was so much better.

Seeing us was supposedly the reason for the trip but something else tipped the scale in our favor. Jason Mraz, Danielle’s favorite singer in the entire world, was doing a drive-in concert in Anaheim.

ELBEE She has been to see him so many times that he probably considers her a stalker.

As a bonus, grandma and grandpa could babysit while they were at the show, a plus for them and for us. There was only one major flaw in this whole plan. Five year old Ryder is not a fan of big dogs.

Ironically, a few years ago, pre-Stanley, when his sister Bella was only four and Ryder was too young to really care, we had a very similar situation. Gus, who is small, cute and cuddly won her over almost without trying. Elbee on the other hand, looked like a Yeti to her. There was a lot of yelling.

ELBEE I have never really gotten over that.

Things might have stayed chaotic if my older granddaughter, Samantha, hadn’t come over and given Elbee a huge hug. Then she somehow convinced Bella that it was okay to be in the same room with him. She even got her to pet him.

I am delighted to share that Bella, at seven, is now a total animal lover. She was incredible with the dogs. Gus, of course, wasn’t a problem but she was comfortable with Stanley too. He became a Bella lover and started following her all over the house. We even did a special photo session.

ELBEE These made the daughter question her grandparenting skills.

When they first arrived, her brother Ryder was happy to see Gus but wanted nothing to do with Stanley. He would have preferred to have him banished to the yard. There was one brief moment when he sort of petted him but as soon as Stanley showed the least bit of excitement it was all over.

STANLEY I was so confused. People usually love me.

Ryder did a self-imposed exile. This photo may look like he’s in jail but it was at his request. It was to keep Stanley out of his territory

Now if you’re waiting for the miraculous happy ending where Ryder turns it around and becomes Stanley’s best friend, keep waiting. To put it mildly, he’s still not a fan of big dogs.

As they were leaving this morning, he called goodbye to Gus and told him that he could come visit any time. Stanley was not mentioned in the invitation. Fortunately, Stanley has a special friend in Bella who named herself the “Dog Princess.”

Sequins & Schmatas

As the pandemic has gone on and on, a lot of us have gotten very comfortable in sweats, schmata’s and minimal makeup.

CHARLEY It’s concerning.

On the other hand, our dogs look fabulous. We’ve been spending so much time together, there’s lots of brushing and pampering going on.

My cousin Janet, the one who inherited the sewing and crafting gene from my grandmother, made this personalized sweater for her “granddog” Leon. If I could knit I would have done the same thing.

ELBEE Knit? I saw her try to sew on a button. It was painful.

I’ve never hesitated to dress the Doods up for holidays or special events at the hospital. Now every Zoom call is an excuse. When we do virtual visits, it’s all about Gus and Stanley in their ties and tiaras. The patients are so taken with the sequins and feathers, I don’t think they even notice me in my sweats.

ELBEE Excuse me, those are pajamas.

It reminds me of the time I knocked on a patient’s door at Providence Tarzana Hospital and asked her if she’d like a visit. A little confused, she looked at me and answered “not really,” Then, seeing Gus at my feet, she smiled and said “please come in.”

I confess, Gus and Stanley’s wardrobe comes from the Dollar Store or from my closet. My kids were never that easy to dress. I remember a shopping trip when one of the daughters asked why there was a little “x” sticker on a shirt. When I explained that it meant there was a tiny imperfection, her response was, “you’re buying me rejects?” Neither Gus nor Stanley has ever complained about rejects.

Actually, I was feeling so good about the outfits I was putting together, I thought dog stylist might be in my future. Then the people on our UCLA PAC Zoom calls began sharing about all of the shopping they’d been doing. They’d been buying fancy doggie apparel on specialized web sights. Who knew they had onesies and bodysuits for dogs! I was afraid that I’d have to step up my game.

GUS If she buys me a onesie I’m outta here.

STANLEY I might look cute in that black bodysuit.

Gus and Stanley have very different attitudes when they pose for photos. No matter how I dress him, Stanley sits patiently and waits for his close up. Gus, on the other hand, often looks as if he’s having an existential crisis.

On a serious note, some friends are going through very difficult times. This lighter post was written for them in the spirit of love.

A Rough Day at the Beach

Generally I try to keep my posts positive, especially now. More and more people are talking about how stressed they feel and how much they need a time out. Whether they’re on the front lines like my daughter Nicole working in the ICU or have kids in virtual school at home like my youngest, Danielle, people are doing their best to hang in there but it’s tough.

It’s inspiring to see how many are reaching out to help each other cope. This week, unfortunately, I had an incident with someone who definitely wasn’t. I apologize but I need to vent.

With the unseasonably warm weather, my husband and I took the dogs down to the beach. While he went to sit on the sand and watch the huge waves, I went for a walk with Gus and Stanley on a path that runs along the ocean. It felt safe because there were no bikes allowed and almost everyone we passed was wearing a mask.

As I was starting to relax and enjoy the day, a teenage boy, without a mask, came barreling toward us on his bike. I pulled the dogs close and turned my back to him. That’s when he yelled at me in language that I won’t even repeat as he sped by. He went so low as to use the “old” word.

ELBEE That’s what really got her.

I admit the “old” word was unsettling, Who yells at a grandma walking her dogs? And so much for my theory that a mask makes you look younger.

Thank goodness I had Gus and Stanley with me for support. Neither one would make a very good guard dog. Gus sprints past houses where dogs have barked at him. Still, in that situation I felt less vulnerable with them at my side. Stanley leaned against me, probably keeping me from saying something totally inappropriate in response.

I debated about sharing this but sadly that encounter is such a sign of the times. What I truly find sad is that this is not an isolated incident. There is so much divisiveness when we all really need to come together. We hear the rhetoric but when it becomes that personal, it’s disturbing.

Once we got home, Gus and Stanley went into therapy dog overdrive. They followed me around the house (even more so than usual). Gus nudged me with his paws. Stanley threw himself down next to me.

The behavior of the dogs is so instinctual and so kind. I personally benefited from it that day. I also see it whenever Gus and Stanley or their buddies in the People Animal Connection are visiting in the hospital. There are lessons we can learn from them about unconditional love and acceptance.

Photo credit to Doug Morrow

Pandemic Fatigue

Like seemingly everyone I’ve spoken to this week, I’m feeling pandemic fatigue. Of course a large part of it is dealing with the unimaginable loss of life. It’s hard to believe that those ever-growing numbers represent loved ones who are gone, leaving empty spaces. It’s difficult to see the toll it’s taking on front line workers.

There is also a more mundane and maybe selfish side to the fatigue. When the rules changed in March, who would have ever believed that in December we’d be living in this surreal world. Things we took for granted like going to the movies or the gym are virtually impossible.

Speaking of virtual, most of my visits with family and friends are on the computer. Social distancing has kept us physically if not emotionally apart. Instead of asking the daughters if they want to come over, I ask “Can you FaceTime later?” What I wouldn’t give to hug them. Gus and Stanley have done so many virtual visits, that when they see my laptop on the floor, they know it’s their time to shine.

Now that I’ve vented, let me see if I can help with a note of positivity.

ELBEE Thank goodness. She was dragging me down a really deep hole.

I was taking Gus and Stanley for one of our regular walks up a residential street that leads into the surrounding mountains. All of a sudden I heard very loud music coming from a black Jeep parked by the side of the road. Then I saw her. A young girl with buzzed hair and a great figure, wearing a sports bra and tights, was dancing by the open driver’s door.

She wasn’t just doing a few steps. She was doing full on hip hop, moving with abandon. She circled around the car and then danced into the middle of the road. It was like a music video with no cameras filming.

In normal times I probably would have been more surprised but during the pandemic, the unusual has become expected. The grandma in me would have been concerned that she was all over the street but instead I was a little jealous.

ELBEE Probably because she looked so fabulous.

There was a part of me that wanted to join in.

GUS & STANLEY That would have been so embarrassing. We’re pretty well known in the neighborhood.

Fortunately, I came to my senses. My last dance class was ballet when I was pregnant with Danielle and it wasn’t pretty.

As I continued to watch her an expression came to mind, “dance like no one is watching.” That’s exactly what she was doing. Focusing on the music and the movement seemed to be giving her such freedom and joy. In these difficult days, don’t we all need something to bring us to that place.

My Friend Dennis

My friend Dennis is kind, understanding and a good listener. Best of all he is really funny. He is the one who came to my defense and told my granddaughter that I was “unconventional” when the oldest daughter told her that I was “cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.”

Right now he is a COVID-19 warrior. He battled the illness at home for a week and then in the hospital for several days. It made it very real when someone close to me, someone I love and care deeply about, was directly affected. I hear disturbing stories from Nicole, the daughter who is an ICU nurse, but this put a face on the virus.

I am his honorary bubbie. On the countless hours that we’ve spent hiking we’ve talked about anything and everything. There is no judgment. We adhere strictly to the unspoken rule that “what we say on the trail stays on the trail.” He does trail pushups with me whether he wants to or not. When I’m about to yell at a biker who has flown by with no bell, Dennis tells me to let it go into the universe.

ELBEE I can’t believe she’s still having biker issues.

Of course, he is also a dog lover. We text so much during Westminster that we could be doing color commentary. Last year he lost his 19 year old Italian Greyhound who could probably have rivaled the Doods for being the most spoiled dog in town.

Speaking of the Doods, Dennis has known them all. He has supported my work with them and cheered on my writing about them. The picture on the left is a throwback photo from a Red Cross Gala with Dennis and Charley, my very first therapy dog. The one on the right is with Stanley when he was still just a big puppy on one of his first official hikes.

**Dennis & Charley, My First Therapy Dog**

**Dennis & Stanley, My 4th Therapy Dog**

What has impressed and amazed me throughout Dennis’s difficult journey is his attitude. He has stayed positive as he has dealt with each challenge. He doesn’t give in to self pity. When the daughters checked in with him, he was appreciative. When the youngest sent him a get well video from her kids, he said that it cheered him up.

He has also maintained his sense of humor. We joked when the hospital served him chicken soup, that it was “Jewish penicillin.” When he felt well enough, He sent funny memes and silly texts from his hospital bed.

Dennis is home now but still toughing it out. COVID is very demanding. Still, his main complaint this week was that his cable was out which made binge watching his favorite shows impossible.

I have a special request for anyone reading this post. I would really appreciate it if you would take a moment to send love, positivity and healing energy to my fabulous friend Dennis.

Thank You for Your Service

Last week, Danielle, the youngest daughter, called to ask about veterans in our family for a project in my granddaughter’s class. As I listed family members who had served, it made me really start thinking about the holiday.

ELBEE Probably because she has too much time on her hands.

My husband was a Lt. Commander in the Navy. My father and a few uncles served in WW II. Another uncle, a career military, was a Colonel in the Air Force.

It brought to mind this photo of my great grandmother Ella, taken in the early forties. There was a newspaper article attached but it has disappeared with time. What hasn’t disappeared is the sense of pride.

She’s holding stars for each of her relatives, including my father, who was representing their country.

This year, the year of COVID 19, has become so much about service. The pandemic, for all its difficulties, has given us time to remember and to reflect.

The Doods celebrated the holiday in the most meaningful way possible. They did a virtual visit with the kids in the neuropsych unit at UCLA. What better way to honor all of our veterans who have served than to make their own contribution.

I dressed Stanley and Gus in the red, white and blue accessories that the dogs have worn for past holidays and parades. There were no parades last Wednesday, but the smiles on the faces of the teens as they joined us on Zoom were a celebration.

“Thank you for your service.” Those five simple words say so much. Someone spoke them to me and the Doods the other day and I was unbelievably touched.

A huge thank you to all of the veterans who have served. This year there are so many others who deserve our gratitude too. Nicole, the middle daughter who, ironically was born at Camp Pendleton, is an ICU nurse. She has given me a deeper understanding of what she and her fellow front line workers are going through. From the bottom of my heart, a sincere thank you to her and to each and every one of them.

Thank you to family and friends who offer love and support, even if it’s just with a text saying “I’m thinking about you.” Thank you to neighbors who reach out to help, offering to pick up groceries. Thank you to the strangers who, masks and all, smile and wave.

A huge thank you to Gus and Stanley for your calming presence. Which reminds me, a shout out to our vet, as in veterinarian.

ELBEE That may be her most inappropriate segue yet.

Last week, with everything so heightened, I panicked when we found a growth over Gus’s right eye. I raced to the vet without an appointment but was fortunate enough to run into her in the parking lot. She took one look and reassured me that it was only a cyst. Treatment was a success and we’re both doing fine.

We Will Always Remember You

Yom Kippur is a biggie in the Jewish religion, the holiest day of the year. It’s a day of atonement, reflection and remembrance. Observant people fast and spend most of the day in temple.

ELBEE Notice she said “observant.”

I guess I’m kind of a Yom Kippur rebel. In the past, along with Donna, my fellow rebel, I have been known to break some of the rules. On two or three occasions, we took the dogs into the hospital on the holiday. We figured the good works that they were doing made up for any of our non-observance.

This year COVID-19 let me off the hook. I wasn’t going to sit in a crowded service, inside or out. My cousin emailed me a link to on-line services in Florida but with my ADD, sitting and watching the computer was not going to happen.

ELBEE There are so many things wrong with that paragraph. Someone is going to have a lot of atoning to do.

Instead, early in the morning, I hiked up into the mountains.

ELBEE I’m not sure if that’s kosher.

Sitting on one of my favorite overlooks with a view of the ocean in the distance, I felt a true sense of spiritual connection. The morning was unusually quiet, there were no other people around. The little birds who have been very vocal lately, were still. Two large hawks soared silently overhead.

As I sat there, remembrance washed over me. This year with so many deaths from the virus, it was especially poignant.

Of all the treasured people in my life whom I’ve lost, including my parents, dear friends and relatives, two are always an integral part of the holiday…my brother Stan and my friend Eileen.

They both brought love, laughter and kindness to my life. Although, they’ve each been gone many years and were way too young when they passed, not a day goes by that I don’t feel their presence

Since their ashes are in the ocean, Eileen’s kids and I have made it a holiday tradition to place flowers in the sand for them. Yizkor is a remembrance service on Yom Kippur, a prayer for the deceased. This is our way of saying Yizkor.

Her boys Mark and Gary and I headed to our special beach. Her daughter Lisa was with her family, but joined us in spirit on our annual “pilgrimage.” We walked down the sand and found a place to sit on the rocks.

We talked softly, shared memories and stood flowers in the sand as the waves broke on the shore. Our sense of connection with each other and with Stan and Eileen was, as Mark said, “magical.”

I don’t think there is a better way to celebrate Yom Kippur than opening our hearts with unconditional love for those who are gone and for those who are a cherished part of our lives today.

When I got home in the evening, I lit candles of remembrance. Gus and Stanley, sensing my emotions, sat by my side.

Grandma’s Got Talent

Hiking with some friends one morning this week, we got on the topic of marathons and other long distance events. I shared that several years ago I had done the Avon 3-day breast cancer walk from Santa Barbara to Malibu. I can’t even remember the last time I’d even thought about it.

In a crazy coincidence, that afternoon a friend who was going through old files, like so many during the pandemic, texted me a photo from the finish of the event. It was a thank you I’d sent to people who had helped with fundraising. By the way, I’m smiling in this picture because it was before my legs totally cramped up.

In another sort of coincidence, my oldest daughter sent me a link to an act, or as she called it, “a non-act,” on America’s Got Talent. What are the chances it was a female bodybuilder who was my age?

ELBEE That is a terrible coincidence segue.

I’m sure it was meant as a preemptive strike. My daughter was afraid I might have seen the woman and started getting big ideas. As the oldest, she has the most vivid and in her mind the most embarrassing memories of my bodybuilding competition years.

The woman looked great for a senior, right down to her tan and her print bikini. The problem, well one of the problems, was that she kept running around doing double biceps poses, pointing and yelling “pow.” I was kind of horrified.

ELBEE I’d say she was kind of jealous.

I immediately texted my daughter that I could do so much better. I’d include Gus and Stanley and have a combination bodybuilding/dog act. If I could tell a joke or two, it’d be a trifecta. She was not in the least bit surprised.

ELBEE Neither was I

Of course I was kidding, sort of, but visions of costume changes and funny poses with Gus and Stanley started dancing in my head. Could all of those push-ups I’ve been doing lately pay off?

STANLEY She’s been taking photos in the closet with the good lighting.

I’ve been watching the show, scoping out the competition. It’s become a guilty pleasure like the Hallmark Channel. There was a little girl with a dog act and there were some acts for strength and balance but none with my winning combination.

ELBEE Shocking

I actually came up with an exciting pose for the finale. I’d bench press Gus.

GUS Is it too late for me find a new home?

Even better, I’ve noticed that the judges are much slower to press the loser button for old people. I could have my big tv moment under the lights before anyone realized what was happening.

GUS & STANLEY We’re calling our attorney.