bodybuilding – Me and the Doods.com

Grandma Doesn’t Know Best

My thirteen year old granddaughter Samantha has her act more together than I ever will. Aside from being mature, sociable and talented, she really knows how to dress. I can only aspire to the way she puts herself together.

ELBEE Sad but true.

Despite my bodybuilding past and the fact that her mom Jennifer refers to me as”crazy for Cocoa Puffs,” especially when it comes to the dogs, Samantha will sometimes ask my advice. She’s considering going to sleep-away camp for the first time and wanted to know what I thought.

Unfortunately, my one and only time at sleep-away camp ranks right up there in the top ten terrible experiences of my life. To begin with, the whole family used to spend idyllic summers at my grandparents’ resort in the Catskill Mountains, a lot like Dirty Dancing, so I’m not sure what possessed me to leave for camp in the first place.

I was a shy twelve year old nerd with glasses, braces and orthopedic shoes who’d never been away from home on her own. To make matters worse, Sharon Clark, the friend who was supposed to go with me, broke her arm in a horseback riding accident and had to cancel at the last minute.

ELBEE She can remember all that but not what she had for lunch yesterday?

After my dad dropped me off, things went from bad to even worse, when they led me to meet my tentmates… three blondes who were best friends! They had been hoping for another blonde to show up. At the time my hair color could best be described as mousy brown. It was before it miraculously turned blonde.

ELBEE One of the mysteries of the universe.

As I was sharing the saga , which didn’t get any better unless you consider swimming in an ice cold lake to be better, Samantha, who is very empathetic, was feeling sorry for me. Probably hoping to find a positive note, she asked, “Well, did you make any friends?”

In the spirit of total honesty, I had to admit that my only friend was a turtle. It had dug a nest in the dirt outside of the tent. I never saw the babies hatch but I did see the little white eggs.

Trying very hard to be kind, Samantha asked if I’d given it a name. If memory serves correctly, it was Sally.

STANLEY, GUS & HENRY That was one of the most pathetic stories we’ve ever heard.

ELBEE And she wonders why she’s not a grandma “influencer.”

On a brighter note, happy Fourth of July!

Valentines, Nostalgia (& a Little Flexing)

This was a big sports weekend with the Olympics and the Super Bowl taking place simultaneously. Then came Valentines Day which isn’t a sporting event but is still a major occasion. I’ll explain why that combination made me think of my first bodybuilding competition way back in the eighties.

ELBEE I’m sure it had nothing to do with that flexing in the closet incident last week.

The show was Ms. Heart of California.

ELBEE Okay, I get the valentine/heart thing but I’m not buying it. It was the closet.

I came in third but still received a trophy, the first trophy of my life! I was given a second trophy that read “Most Shapeliest.” I confess the grammar bugged me so much that I had it changed to “Most Symmetrical.”

ELBEE Sadly, she’s not kidding.

My weak attempt at pandemic closet cleaning and sorting, led me to another memory. I found this photo of my late brother Stan with the poet Rod McKuen. Stan, a television director in San Francisco, met him when he made an appearance at the station.

A few mean critics have called McKuen the “King of Kitsch, but I was a huge fan of his poetry and songs, some of them perfect for Valentines Day. Stan used to tease me about it so much, I’m sure he thought it was pretty funny when he surprised me with this picture.

While I was on the nostalgia train, I began thinking about past Valentines Days at UCLA. Traditionally, the PAC dogs, in festive attire, deliver gifts and cards to the patients and staff. They bring the holiday to the hospital.

Last February, due to COVID, we were only able to do virtual visits. I was so hoping that this year would be different. Unfortunately, cases spiked and it wasn’t meant to be. The greatest Valentine present would be if next February, they are able to deliver in-person dog love along with the homemade cards.

On the bright side, I didn’t let it stop me from dressing up the dogs.

ELBEE I’m very proud of the little guy Gus. He’s come a long way since he sort of posed for this photo with me and my brother Charley years ago.

When Was the Last Time You Wore High Heels?

It’s hard to believe that we’ve been dealing with COVID for almost two years. When Punxsutawney Phil stuck his head out on Ground Hog Day, I don’t think he saw his shadow. He just saw the continuing craziness and decided to go back to sleep.

We’re all still searching for ways to cope. Early on so many people took up new hobbies. They learned to paint, to sing or even to sew. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of them. Others became gourmet chefs.

ELBEE She’s lucky if she can find the kitchen.

Some people began cleaning out their houses and reorganizing cupboards. That wasn’t me either. Then, recently, I had an epiphany.

ELBEE That’s a very strong word.

I was sitting in the closet, looking at all of the clothes I hadn’t worn in forever and decided it was time to let some of them go.

ELBEE That’s an epiphany?

It was the shoes that really struck me. There were all sorts of high heels that had been on the shelves for so long they had dust on them. I didn’t know if I could still walk in them. Tennis shoes, casual flats and cozy boots are all I’ve been wearing.

ELBEE They go with her sweats.

Out of curiosity, I texted a friend to ask her the last time she’d worn heels. She couldn’t remember.

As I started to sort through everything, the dogs came in to keep me company. They hang around me and my husband so much I’m not sure if it’s because they miss their hospital visits or think we need therapy. There’s hope that they may be allowed back in later this month.

GUS & STANLEY Let us pray.

While I was hard at work, I happened to glance at the mirror on the wall. For some reason, the lighting in that closet gives very good muscle definition when you flex.

ELBEE Is anyone wondering how she knows that?

It had been a long time since I’d done it but how could a former bodybuilder resist flexing? Was I still the buffest granny on the block?

HENRY What is she doing?

ELBEE Don’t ask.

After about an hour, I decided I needed a break and went outside. Of course the dogs followed. As I was relaxing, Stanley and Henry suddenly stood up next to me and put their paws on the wall. They both looked so tall!

Stanley is fully grown but at eight months, Henry has a ways to go. I realized that with me shrinking and him growing, we could end up the same height.

ELBEE Maybe she should hold on to those high heels!

Flexing with Old Friends

Recently, I had the joy of meeting up with old friends Ray and Tammy, two of my favorite people. They were a huge part of one of the craziest times of my life…the bodybuilding years.

ELBEE Why is she bringing up ancient history? By the way, she’s much older.

Our friendship goes back to the 80’s when women were supposed to be doing aerobics. Having spent several years in the aftermath of a near-fatal auto accident, struggling to recover from injuries, including countless broken bones in my face and a blood clot on my brain, I needed more. I joined a hard-core weight lifting gym.

By the time I walked into that gym with a friend, most of my physical injuries had healed but I was a ninety pound weakling with issues of self-esteem and self-confidence. I was also a carpool mom with three little girls.

ELBEE This is kind of pathetic. I tried to stop her from writing this post but there’s only so much I can do.

I was so intimidated by all of the big strong people throwing heavy weights around that when my friend left, I wanted to turn around and run. A couple of things kept me going. First, I was desperate. Second, Ray, the bodybuilder/manager, and Tammy, his then girlfriend, took me under their wings. They even let me bring the daughters with me while I trained.

ELBEE I think they felt sorry for her.

After I began to develop muscles and strength, Tammy and Ray convinced me to enter a bodybuilding competition. They were there to cheer me on when, terrified, I stepped onto the stage for my first show.

Then, I’m not sure how it happened, I think Tammy made us do it, Ray and I began competing in mixed pairs wearing matching bathing suits and fake orange tans. We learned a signature lift from a gymnast friend and even won some titles. Along the way we gave each other the nicknames Musclehead and Dingbat.

ELBEE Don’t ask.

Ray and Tammy moved out of state but we’ve kept in touch over the years. When we met at a local park a few weeks ago, there was so much laughter as we reminisced. We shared stories about the characters who used to train at that little gym, some of whom have been in jail. It was like one big dysfunctional family.

Last week I wrote about connection. Spending time with Ray and Tammy was truly about the importance of connection. They are such an integral part of my life story. In retrospect, I admit that the bodybuilding competitions seem a bit, okay a lot, crazy but the memories we share are priceless.

And did you think that Ray and I would let the morning go by without flexing?

GUS & STANLEY We were so confused

Can You Headstand?

Staying in shape during the pandemic is often difficult. The isolation and stress can lead to a real lack of motivation. To make it worse, regular fitness centers are closed. I’ve seen pilates classes in parking lots and martial arts in back alleys. Neither one screams “come join us.” Though I was a fitness instructor for many years, it’s even hard for me to push myself.

GUS & STANLEY What about the expression “Trainer, train yourself?”

CHARLEY Sorry boys but I believe the expression is “Physician, heal thyself.”

Fortunately, I have some weights at home and am still doing more pushups than the average prisoner but it’s really the call of the wild that saves me.

ELBEE Call of the wild? Marked hiking trails in the Santa Monica Mountains with ocean views

I’m very lazy about stretching. My friend Mary, on the other hand, is great about doing yoga. She can go through an hour’s worth of poses. Although I took yoga for years, when I tried a couple of classes on line, I got nauseous.

As we were talking and I was trying to find out how she gets herself to do it, a thought occurred to me. I wondered if she could still do a headstand, a point of pride among us seniors. When I asked, she matter of factly replied, “I do one every day.” The seed was planted. It had been a long time but could I still do one?

A few days later, as I was waiting for the dogs’ Zoom call with UCLA to start, I still had headstands on the brain. With my ADD, it’s hard for me to just sit and wait, so I thought what better time to try a headstand.

I texted Jen, the director of the People Animal Connection, who would be running the meeting and said “I’m trying to do a headstand.” Instead of texting back, “Are you crazy?”she replied, “I CAN do a headstand.” A few minutes later she texted that she’d just done one in the middle of her office. Fortunately, she was alone.

To my surprise, after a few, well several, tries, I made it. I was using a dresser as a security blanket but I was upside down

For some time, Jen and I have been discussing how we can make Zoom calls with the patients more interesting. We considered singing but we’re both terrible. Were we on to something with the headstands? Was AGT next? Granted she is much better and doesn’t need to use the dresser, but I’d be content to be backup headstander.

After the meeting, we were again on the topic of making our calls more engaging. I remembered Jen mentioning something about piano. When I asked if she could play, she said that she’d taken lessons as a child but now only played her kids’ tiny toy piano.

As a child, I had taken ballet lessons. Suddenly inspired, I jumped up and did a few pirouettes and port de bras. Maybe I still had it.

GUS & STANLEY We thought she was having a seizure.

The Pandemic Made Me Do It

In last week’s post, I was kidding about trying out for America’s Got Talent, but it barely raised an eyebrow. One or two friends even suggested that I should look into the application process.

ELBEE Really? They’re encouraging her?

They thought Gus would be perfect. He’s adorable, does tricks and was humoring me when I bench pressed him. The problem was that during our Zoom visit, when I showed the photo to the teens in the neuropsych unit, a very honest audience, they thought we were doing yoga. One of the therapists even said it looked like goat yoga. There was no applause. There were no gasps of surprise.

GUS Goat yoga?

I realized that if I was really going to audition for AGT, I’d have to step up my game. The bodybuilding/dog act wasn’t going to cut it. I’d have to go bigger. What if I went for a strength/danger act. Personally, I can’t watch danger acts like sword swallowing but they seem to be very popular.

ELBEE I’m speechless which is rare.

Then it dawned on me. I could bench press Stanley. To be honest, I think the pandemic is making me more creative. These great ideas suddenly come to me.

ELBEE What I think is that she’s bored.

I admit that as I write this, the Stanley/strength act is still in the planning stages. The husband is afraid I could tear my rotator cuff which is where the real danger element comes in.

For the daughters, who were sure they’d seen it all when I blew kisses from the stage in my Ms.Venice Beach days, this would be totally out of left field. What a gift to be able to shock my grown children.

I’ve never written a post where, half way through, I really didn’t know if the ending I was hoping for was possible. Could I bench press Stanley? Could I do it without having to call the paramedics?

I am so happy to share that the answer is a resounding yes!” I admit that I didn’t do reps. It was a one and done, but heres the proof.

Stanley’s legs are so long, it’s hard to see that he’s in the air so the husband took photos from two angles. I don’t think he could quite believe what I was doing or that I’d convinced him to go along with it.

The best part is that no dogs or old people were injured during the performance. We’re ready for the big time. America here we come.

CHARLEY I’m concerned.

Grandma’s Got Talent

Hiking with some friends one morning this week, we got on the topic of marathons and other long distance events. I shared that several years ago I had done the Avon 3-day breast cancer walk from Santa Barbara to Malibu. I can’t even remember the last time I’d even thought about it.

In a crazy coincidence, that afternoon a friend who was going through old files, like so many during the pandemic, texted me a photo from the finish of the event. It was a thank you I’d sent to people who had helped with fundraising. By the way, I’m smiling in this picture because it was before my legs totally cramped up.

In another sort of coincidence, my oldest daughter sent me a link to an act, or as she called it, “a non-act,” on America’s Got Talent. What are the chances it was a female bodybuilder who was my age?

ELBEE That is a terrible coincidence segue.

I’m sure it was meant as a preemptive strike. My daughter was afraid I might have seen the woman and started getting big ideas. As the oldest, she has the most vivid and in her mind the most embarrassing memories of my bodybuilding competition years.

The woman looked great for a senior, right down to her tan and her print bikini. The problem, well one of the problems, was that she kept running around doing double biceps poses, pointing and yelling “pow.” I was kind of horrified.

ELBEE I’d say she was kind of jealous.

I immediately texted my daughter that I could do so much better. I’d include Gus and Stanley and have a combination bodybuilding/dog act. If I could tell a joke or two, it’d be a trifecta. She was not in the least bit surprised.

ELBEE Neither was I

Of course I was kidding, sort of, but visions of costume changes and funny poses with Gus and Stanley started dancing in my head. Could all of those push-ups I’ve been doing lately pay off?

STANLEY She’s been taking photos in the closet with the good lighting.

I’ve been watching the show, scoping out the competition. It’s become a guilty pleasure like the Hallmark Channel. There was a little girl with a dog act and there were some acts for strength and balance but none with my winning combination.

ELBEE Shocking

I actually came up with an exciting pose for the finale. I’d bench press Gus.

GUS Is it too late for me find a new home?

Even better, I’ve noticed that the judges are much slower to press the loser button for old people. I could have my big tv moment under the lights before anyone realized what was happening.

GUS & STANLEY We’re calling our attorney.

The Grandma Train

Other than being a mother to the daughters and to the Doods

ELBEE Not necessarily in that order

being a grandmother is one of the greatest gifts in my life. Lately though, I’ve been getting all sorts of signs that I may have missed the grandma train.

First, I saw three annoying yentas on tv pitching their show, Bubbie Knows Best. I’m an annoying yenta. Why wasn’t I contacted?

ELBEE I can’t disagree with her. Not even an audition? I’m stumped.

Then I saw a review for a book titled, Stories for My Grandchild. Ok, I admit that I was a little jealous that I hadn’t written it but that’s not what really got to me. The author was described as an “influencer!” What is an influencer and how exactly do you get to be one? Do you need a YouTube show? Don’t I influence people?

ELBEE The only thing she’s influenced me to do is to get therapy.

Then I saw another book called Nanaville, “witty advice on modern grand parenting (spoiling the kids is out!)”. Really? I was at Target with my grandkids and assured them that it was my job to spoil them. Maybe it’s time for another book.

As if all of this wasn’t enough, then there was the conversation between my daughter and her daughter. I won’t mention which daughter. I’ll only say that she’s the one who has the most vivid memories of my bodybuilding days.

Not only did I compete when they were young and I was young. I went back and did masters when I was in my forties and they were in their teens. It was a little odd to hear voices in the audience yelling out, “Mom, flex your abs.”

THE DOODS This is way too much information.

My ten year old granddaughter was complaining about something in her life, some typical childhood drama. That’s when the daughter informed her that her childhood was nothing compared to what she went through. Warming up to the subject, she explained how grandma, with a perpetual fake tan, would get up on stage in a bathing suit and flex her muscles. My granddaughter kind of knew but had never had it explained so graphically.

With all of this oversharing, I might as well put up this photo taken backstage at a competition. And yes, the daughters were with me. If you look at the cap, you’ll see that I was a Dodger fan even then. Coincidentally, I’ll have Dodger news next week.

ELBEE I’m sure that’s the first thing people noticed but nice tie in to her Dodger post.

On a serious note, I want to say thank you to the daughters for filling my heart with joy and for making me a grandma. I also want to wish a happy Mother’s Day to all of the special women in my life for caring and sharing. And to my mom, who has been gone for so many years, I miss you and I’m thinking about you. The daughters would have loved you.

Roberta

On New Years day, my magnificent friend Roberta lost her battle against brain cancer. Not only was she a legend in the fields of education, law enforcement and government, she was a legendary friend. The glowing obituaries about her achievements can’t begin to capture her personal magnetism and power. She was so much more than a public figure.

Never one to brag about her own accomplishments, she made whomever she was with feel good about themselves. She changed so many people’s lives for the better. I was fortunate enough to be one of them.

She introduced me to an incredible chapter in my life. Roberta was the founder of the Los Angeles Police Academy Magnet Schools. An early advocate for strong women, she was upset that many of the girls didn’t have the upper body strength to keep up with some of the physical challenges like the obstacle course.

Knowing my background in bodybuilding and sharing my dedication to weight lifting, she brought me in to help them out. With her encouragement and support, I spent the next ten years training the most wonderful group of kids, both girls and boys. I also had the pleasure of working with several outstanding police officers.

When I was hiking with Stanley this week, two very polite teenage boys stopped to pet him. From their demeanor, it didn’t surprise me when I found out that they were part of the Police Academy Magnet at Reseda High School. As we stood there chatting, I started thinking about the countless other young people and their families whom have benefitted from Roberta’s tireless dedication.

Roberta was also the self-professed crazy dog lady. When she first got sick she found that visits from her neighbor’s dogs cheered her up. She then reasoned that if those pups helped, therapy dogs would be even better. That’s when Charley and Elbee, then Gus and even Stanley began visiting.

After lunch at the dining room table with the dogs at her feet, she would flop on the floor hugging them and laughing. Even as her illness progressed, she seemed to find comfort in their presence. They were a perfect distraction. I will cherish that time we spent together

Former Los Angeles police chief William Bratton said that Roberta was “the guardian angel of the Los Angeles law enforcement community.” I feel like she was my guardian angel too. Despite all of her many commitments, I always felt as if she was looking out for me, as if she truly cared.

I will so miss her presence in my life but I will stand in awe of her legacy. Good bye my friend. Thank you for the unimaginable gifts that you have left behind.

Diva Doods…Born that Way?

After writing about the divadom of the dogs last week, I started wondering if it was a Doodle thing or if it could possibly be me.

I’ve admitted that as a child, I was a total nerd. I considered posting one of my nerd photos here as proof, but that would be oversharing even for me. Finding bodybuilding as part of a long and difficult recovery from a near fatal car accident was like a rebirth. It turned me into somewhat of a diva.

ELBEE Somewhat?

I went from being terrified of speaking in front of a group of people to blowing kisses to the audience. I went from visibly shaking on stage to flexing my triceps for more applause. And while I’m being totally honest, yes, those old habits die hard. Last week, I was in the lobby of Providence Tarzana Hospital with the Doods, when someone called out, “Didn’t you used to be a bodybuilder?” I probably should have been embarrassed but instead, it was all I could do not to flex.

ELBEE & GUS Thank heavens she restrained herself.

Speaking of flexing, I was in the kitchen when I heard a song on tv that reminded me of my glory days. Ariana Grande was singing “Natural Woman” as a tribute to Aretha Franklin. By coincidence, I had used that same song for a routine in a long ago competition. I got so nostalgic, I figured since no one was watching, I’d hit a few poses.

ELBEE & GUS We were watching and we were disturbed. Stanley, on the other hand, is scarred for life.

Maybe that’s why I feel like the Doods and I are such a good fit. I’m a reborn diva and they were born that way. Recently, Elbee and Gus took part in a People Animal Connection photo shoot at UCLA. The PAC dogs were doing pictures for birthday cards and for the annual calendar. I guess you could technically say there were costume changes involved.

ELBEE The pictures are fabulous but I’m a little disappointed. When I heard “costume changes,” I was expecting Bob Mackie and bling.

Stanley showed glimpses of his inner diva at Elbee’s last vet appointment. (A Pack of Diva Doodles).Then it resurfaced in puppy class. Katie, the trainer, asked to use Stanley to demonstrate how your dog should return to you when called, sitting nicely and not jumping all over you. At first Stanley went for the jump but after only a couple of times of Katie turning her back, Stanley came bouncing over and sat perfectly.

Usually when the dogs do something right in class, people will nod or smile. Not with Stanley. I’m not sure if it was the cuteness factor or his enthusiasm, but everyone in the room applauded. As Marsha, the groomer, commented when I told her about it, “Stanley had his first real diva moment.”